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Thread: Not sure how he feels or what to do

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    #1

    Not sure how he feels or what to do

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    A few weeks ago I met an army man online and we hit it off right away. We talked for 6 hours straight on Skype the 1st night and 3 hours the night after that. I'd wake up to a text message from him saying good morning, we'd text each other through out the day and he'd ask me to get on Skype after work because it helped him sleep. He'd send me the sweetest messages and I fell a little more for him each day. After about a week of this he drove the 3 hours from his base to come see me and we spent a night and a day together and it was wonderful. We both felt like we'd known each other for a long time. It felt like the man I'd been waiting my whole life for had finally shown up. Then he went back home and things changed. He texted me the next day saying he'd just found out that he passed his pt test and was leaving the following week for ranger school and sapper school. He also found out he has a 50% chance of being deployed to Afghanistan at the end of the year. He told me that he didn't want me to wait for him but that if I was single when he got back from school he wanted to pick up where we left off. After that I stopped waking up to text messages from him saying good morning, he stopped texting me throughout the day and he didn't ask me to video chat with him when I got home from work. He still wanted me to go see him before he left for school though. I drove over to see him and he was affectionate and the way he held me and kissed me makes me think he cares about me but the fact that he didn't try to keep in touch as much and that he didn't say goodbye before he left makes me wonder if I like him a lot more than he likes me. He told me that the last time he was deployed he was in a relationship and when he got home she told him she was leaving him. So I'm not sure if him acting kind of distant is because he is just so focused on the school but that he likes me (he did say he missed me the day after I left his place), or if he is worried about getting close to someone right before he leaves for a few months, or if he just isn't that interested. I'm worried that when he gets back from school in a few months he wont be interested in picking up where we left off. I really like him and I really miss him and I'm not sure what to do.
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    #2
    Have you told him how you feel?
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    Oh yes :-) he knows how much I care about him. He's called me his sweet girl and calls the Gloriana song (Kissed You) Goodnight, our song. We went to see The Avengers together and when he noticed I was cold he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I've told him how great I think he is many times and I tried to make our last weekend together is great and memorable as possible. To be honest I did end up crying in front of him our last night together because of how much I was going to miss him. I told him that he was worth the 3 hour drive each way. Some of my friends think I'm crazy because of how difficult a relationship with him would be but I think that he is so worth it. I just hope that he thinks I'm worth it.
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    #4
    If he's worth it, I think you should tell him that you want to continue the relationship even though there are obstacles. It might not be easy, but you'll never know if it's worth it if you don't try
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    I don't have a way to talk to him until he gets back. I'm not sure when that will be. It looks like ranger school is 2 months and sapper school is a month but he said he could be gone for longer than 3 months if he fails. I have no issue telling him how I feel it's just that I can't tell how he feels about me. Is his behavior normal for military guys who are about to leave for a few months or is it probably just his way of saying he isn't that interested? I have no idea what it's like for people in the military. If he came right out and said that he really cares about me and he wants me to be his girlfriend then I would do whatever it takes to make it work. Actually even though he told me not to wait for him I still think that I will just in case he is interested in starting up where we left off because that way he'll know that I'll stand by him even when we're far apart.
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    #6
    I guess it's normal. I'm lucky, my DB had finished his basic and AIT stuff when we met so we haven't had the big separation yet. Next time you have the chance though, it might be good to lay it all out in the open
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    Time is going to feel like it moves so slowly until then.
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    #8
    Why don't next time you talk you just ask if this is a defense mechanism or if he's lost feelings for you? Nobody here can tell you, cause personally, I've seen both be the case so I couldn't guess at all.

    I'm sorry, I know it sucks not hearing from the one person you want to, BTDT.
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    Ya I kinda figured. It's just hard feeling like I'm hanging in the balance not knowing what the next few months will bring. It's hard feeling so strongly for him but not knowing how he feels about me and not having any way to find out for an indefinite period of time. I did text him asking him how he felt since he'd been running hot and cold (not in those exact words) but my friend who is in the navy told me to send another text telling him to focus on his school and I'd focus on my life here and we'll see what happens when he gets back so I never got a response from him.
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    #10
    A heads up ranger school is intense. Some say it's more intense than a deployment to Afghanistan. Don't plan on hearing much from him while he's there. It's not like boot camp where they have time to write and call fairly often. If he is very distant during RS, don't take it personally. He has to focus with everything he's got to get through the three stages.
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