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Thread: How do you?

  1. Always together no matter the distance <3.
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    #1

    How do you?

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    Sorry it's kind of long, wasn't sure how to explain what I meant by serious.

    How do you get a guy to actually sit down and have a serious conversation?

    I know db loves me but when I ask questions about us and "our future", I either along the lines of together forever or a change in subject. I'm a type of person that needs a plan for something big prior to it getting here. So like DB deployment is in February(my very first deployment) and when I try to talk about everything he changes the subject.

    Example: so I don't work, so I'm trying to get him to help me answer questions. Basically, what am I to expect? Like how will I pay the bills, what if something goes wrong(just about everything is in his name), basically what's gonna happen to everything here. And me being me I will think of the worse (I know he's gonna be ok but I try to plan for everything) so another question would be what if something was to happen to him how would I know navy won't tell me that's for sure. I've also tired talking to him about what's going to happen when he gets his new orders if they are out of state & I go I will lose my health insurance. He already has said he wants me to go with him, that brings the marriage topic and there I get subject change but he is thinking about that.

    All of this is in my head and I can't seem to get a straight answer.

    So my question, how do you get a guy to talk about things like this?


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    #2
    I know for my DH, he doesn't want to talk about his deployments or "what ifs?" until the deployment is close. A lot of things can and will change so he doesn't feel the need to talk about it until deployment plans are more solid. Same thing with orders, we "talk" about what he wants when its time to choose new ones but we dont have a serious discussion until he is actually in the window to choose them.
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    #3
    Tell him that you need to have a serious conversation about it so that you feel prepared. He doesn't know how you feel until you tell him


  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    Tell him that you need to have a serious conversation about it so that you feel prepared. He doesn't know how you feel until you tell him
  5. Always together no matter the distance <3.
    Amandamariee's Avatar
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Bmason0226 View Post
    I know for my DH, he doesn't want to talk about his deployments or "what ifs?" until the deployment is close. A lot of things can and will change so he doesn't feel the need to talk about it until deployment plans are more solid. Same thing with orders, we "talk" about what he wants when its time to choose new ones but we dont have a serious discussion until he is actually in the window to choose them.
    Thanks. that may be why he doesn't want to. It might just be me worrying because I'm not sure what to expect at all. He has been through one before but we weren't dating then. So Feb will be our first deployment.

    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    Tell him that you need to have a serious conversation about it so that you feel prepared. He doesn't know how you feel until you tell him
    Thank you. I did tell him I would like to sit down and talk about it... now I just have to wait for him to actually sit and talk.


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    #6
    I think a sit-down talk is a good idea. Some guys are more visual too, so if you make a list and write out topics that could help. Not like a giant essay or anything, but just something like:

    DEPLOYMENT PLANS

    1) Paying bills

    2) Contact in case of emergency

    3) Health insurance

    etc. etc.

    DH is a planner and he really likes making lists because it's easy for him to get distracted otherwise, maybe that would help?
  7. Always together no matter the distance <3.
    Amandamariee's Avatar
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I think a sit-down talk is a good idea. Some guys are more visual too, so if you make a list and write out topics that could help. Not like a giant essay or anything, but just something like:

    DEPLOYMENT PLANS

    1) Paying bills

    2) Contact in case of emergency

    3) Health insurance

    etc. etc.

    DH is a planner and he really likes making lists because it's easy for him to get distracted otherwise, maybe that would help?
    I will be sure and try that


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    #8
    You have to keep in mind that he also may not know the answers to those questions (I'm not sure if he's deployed before). I know personally that a lot of my military friends don't talk about deployment until it's right around the corner, especially since things are always changing. But in order to get him to talk, tell him you would like to sit down and have him address some serious questions that you have, if he can.
  9. Always together no matter the distance <3.
    Amandamariee's Avatar
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by EverlastingLove View Post
    You have to keep in mind that he also may not know the answers to those questions (I'm not sure if he's deployed before). I know personally that a lot of my military friends don't talk about deployment until it's right around the corner, especially since things are always changing. But in order to get him to talk, tell him you would like to sit down and have him address some serious questions that you have, if he can.
    I am starting to realize that many don't like to talk about it until it's right around the corner. So I may wait a month or two, at least he knows I would like to sit down and talk. I, also, am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because last time he was deployed he wasn't in a relationship. So, I'm hoping if we talk about it early enough and whatever answers he can't answer, he could get someone on the ship to answer.


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