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Thread: Ex DH help...

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    BellaFarfalla's Avatar
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    #1

    Help Ex DH help...

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    Ok so my mom has been down with me in Denver to watch DD and keep me company. She's flying home to WA on Wednesday and is taking DD with her since it looks like I'll be here in the hospital for another 6 weeks at least (unless DS comes before 35 weeks, then I'll be released a few days after he comes, but still won't be going home until he's released from the NICU). So my mom offered to take Eva back to WA with her and watch her until I'm released.

    Since Eva is crossing state lines, I like to cover my ass and let ex DH know. Now mind you... this is the man who has requested to sign over rights since she was 2 days old, the man who has not payed a dime of child support, and who straight up told the judge he didn't want visitation.

    I just got off the phone with him, he wants me to tell my mom that he wants to find time to see her. IDK what to do, I'm totally 100% uncomfortable with the idea of exDH seeing DD without me there (if I was there, it would be one thing). I know my mom will be there, but I dunno, it just makes me uncomfortable. He's never spent more then five min with her, and he has made it incredibly clear to me that he never wanted it.

    Not to mention, DH would FLIP. DH has stepped up and played dad from day one. He has bought all of her clothes, her formula, toys, diapers, wipes, he bathes her, sings her to sleep, she knows him as dad. He's even started looking for a lawyer to start the adoption process.

    So I'm wondering what I should do... should I tell exDH that I'm not comfortable with him seeing her, and since the divorce paperwork says he doesn't really have visitation rights (the wording more or less is "visitation when convenient for the custodial parent and at the expense of the noncustodial parent") I don't think there's much he can do... especially since he hasn't payed child support (in fact he lied on the child support worksheet to make the payment lower), OR should I let my mom know of his request and let them figure it out?

    I know what I want to do... I just need advice to see if I'm doing the right things. I REALLY don't want him around her without me there... especially cause of all the BS he put me though at first, and the whole thing that he's going to sign over rights (let me stress, this is at his request, not wishful thinking on my part). It's the first time he's ever really asked to see her, so I guess I really don't know how to handle it.
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    *Ever*'s Avatar
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    #2
    If your not comfortable with him seeing her without you there then don't let him especially since he hasn't paid child support.
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    #3
    I wouldn't let him see her. Not under the circumstances. I think it's way too much stress for youto even think about given the situation. Good luck!
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    #4
    It is your decision. However, from the sound of it, if it were MY DD, I wouldn't do it. JMO

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    #5
    I would say you have every right to not let him see her. She doesn't even know him..it would be very awkward for her and I agree that in your situation I wouldn't feel comfortable not being there either.
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    #6
    He doesn't have visitation rights, and you aren't comfortable with him seeing her. I sure as hell wouldn't.
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    #7
    If it were me I wouldn't agree to a visit while I was in your condition. I would say that if he is interested in visitation than a court/mediation data can be set up after you have given birth and recovered.
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    #8
    If it's visitation when convenient for you then he doesn't have a right to it right now because it obviously is not.
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    #9
    Hell no. He has no rights and why the fuck does he wanna see her now? I wouldn't at all.

    I'm sorry he's adding to stress

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