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Thread: What would you do?

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    brebri92's Avatar
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    #1

    What would you do?

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    Okay so long story super short last year January 2011 my boyfriend decided to join the army he got a ship date in April. So we decided to marry before he left( we lived in ga). He got orders to Washington state totally on the other side of the country so I have no one here at all. Well I decided to join the army I wanted to rely on my self. Well I leave in two weeks and I thought everything was great between me and DH. Well I unplugged his phone from the charger last night and there was a message that said I love you( he was asleep) so of course I read it. There were tons o messages about I live you so much forever blah blah blah a ton of crap. So I wake him up and say WTF! Well he says he's sorry over and over saying he has no excuses but really screwed up. So I ask him things such as when did you meet her how long have you been talking and what have you done. Well he says he got her number from someone's phone as a joke and they've never met and they've been talking only two days. So stupid me says whatever I went to bed he said ge was going to see a marriage councelor. I mean how can I trust him afyer that knowing I'm leaving for basic and ait for NINE months what's he going to do when I'm gone? Well he threw his I phone and smashed it or I would have talked to this girl. So today while he was at work I brought up AT&T and looked up and got her number. I started texting her and basically found out they met IN PERSON off base. They've talked over two weeks and they have KISSED! What would you do I leave in two weeks no time to solve this or divorce you know. I feel like I have been miss goody when he's been out doing whatever. So I kind of want to tell him I want to separate and see if I find someone. I'm not going to "look" but being with like 80% guys for nine months maybe there is someone better out there for me... What would you do? Would the trust be gone?
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    first, i am sorry this is happening to you and it really sucks.
    second, what perfect timing for you to figure this out. (bare with me.) you are about to embark on a life changing journey. you have some fabulous things ahead of you. you will struggle in the military. you will laugh. you will cry and you will grow. think about it...you are joining the Army. your life is forever changed. you have NO ROOM in your life right now for such childish and disrespectful behavior.

    i am not going to tell you what to do because i am not in your relationship. but think about what i have said and i hope it helps guide you what is right for the both of you.

    good luck and thank you for the courage and strength you have already shown for making the choice to serve our country.


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by thenewlaura View Post
    first, i am sorry this is happening to you and it really sucks.
    second, what perfect timing for you to figure this out. (bare with me.) you are about to embark on a life changing journey. you have some fabulous things ahead of you. you will struggle in the military. you will laugh. you will cry and you will grow. think about it...you are joining the Army. your life is forever changed. you have NO ROOM in your life right now for such childish and disrespectful behavior.

    i am not going to tell you what to do because i am not in your relationship. but think about what i have said and i hope it helps guide you what is right for the both of you.

    good luck and thank you for the courage and strength you have already shown for making the choice to serve our country.
    I agree with this completely.

    He had NO right to treat you like that and lie to you repeatedly. He says he wants to see a marriage counselor, but that doesn't matter unless you can forgive him. If is incapable of being faithful to you while you are together, then I think you are smart to be concerned about what will happen when you are apart. I'm really sorry you are dealing with this, especially at this time in your life.

    I Eelizah
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    Quote Originally Posted by brebri92 View Post
    So I kind of want to tell him I want to separate and see if I find someone. I'm not going to "look" but being with like 80% guys for nine months maybe there is someone better out there for me... What would you do? Would the trust be gone?
    Well...I wouldn't do this. You have a lot going on, and are embarking on a life-changing event, and don't need to be complicating it with anyone or anything else. You will change a lot of the course of your training.

    There is nothing that says you have to do anything right now.

    Sometimes it's just best to let things lie...sit with the uncomfortable feelings and let them settle. Sometimes, doing nothing and seeing what happens over the next few months is the best course of action. You don't always have to make an immediate decision one way or the other. See what he does over the next few months (his actions will tell you a lot), and see how you feel then.

    It is not easy, and requires patience and sitting with feeling you that make you uncomfortable and unhappy. But, that's often the best way to determine what your feelings really are and seem them clearly...which you can't do when you are angry. The anger is a secondary/defensive emotion that mask the underlying feeling you are having: hurt, fear and sadness. Now may not be the time for you to deal with all of this because you are going away for training.

    Good luck...both with your husband and training.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat5 View Post
    Well...I wouldn't do this. You have a lot going on, and are embarking on a life-changing event, and don't need to be complicating it with anyone or anything else. You will change a lot of the course of your training.

    There is nothing that says you have to do anything right now.

    Sometimes it's just best to let things lie...sit with the uncomfortable feelings and let them settle. Sometimes, doing nothing and seeing what happens over the next few months is the best course of action. You don't always have to make an immediate decision one way or the other. See what he does over the next few months (his actions will tell you a lot), and see how you feel then.

    It is not easy, and requires patience and sitting with feeling you that make you uncomfortable and unhappy. But, that's often the best way to determine what your feelings really are and seem them clearly...which you can't do when you are angry. The anger is a secondary/defensive emotion that mask the underlying feeling you are having: hurt, fear and sadness. Now may not be the time for you to deal with all of this because you are going away for training.

    Good luck...both with your husband and training.
    I wouldn't make any rash decisions about divorce or anything like that just yet. You are probably experiencing a lot of different emotions and you should give yourself some time to sort through those emotions. Like other PPs have said, going off to basic may be a blessing in disguise since it will provide some separation for you and give you the time to reflect on everything and sort though how you feel.

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