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Thread: a friends husband..

  1. I'm a boss playa', I don't bleed like you.
    GlitterQueen's Avatar
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    #1

    *update* a friends husband

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    ok this does not pertain to me but to my friend. she called bawling and i told her to come over and talk and that i'd ask you guys for other input because she isnt sure what to think/do.

    but this morning she said her husband woke up before her and she got up about 30 minutes after him. went to go use the bathroom and she caught him masturbating to gay porn.(man on man but a gang bang type with 4 men or whatever that kind is called.) she said that he said he just came across it and wasn't watching it but she knows he was and that he got real defensive about it. she never suspected he might be gay and she recently had her first baby with him 3 months ago. now she doesn't know if he is gay and says calling him out on it is not an option because he would flip shit.

    . what would you do?

    *update*
    not that anyone cares really but i know if i read a thread like this i'd want to know how it panned out.

    anyway, last night she asked him to talk with her and not to just shrug it off like he did when she first confronted him. she asked him first if he loved her and he said yes. and then she asked if he was watching it and he said yes and she asked why and he said he didn't know. then she asked him if he was interested in men and he said he didn't know. she told him she didn't want to have a husband who was confused about a subject such as this and he said he understood. she asked him if he could see himself having a relationship with a man and again he said he didn't know. i'm not sure if she asked anything else but she said she was so frustrated by that point that he kept saying he didn't know. she refuses to go to counseling about it at all because she says a medical professional can't help someones sexuality. she told me she couldn't be with him anymore if he didn't know that for sure that he's interested in her and her only. i'm not sure if she has told him that yet.. she might have we didn't talk that long. i just told her to do whatever feels right to her. i didn't know what to tell her because i can't picture myself in that situation.

    so that's that. i guess.
    Last edited by GlitterQueen; 05-09-2012 at 11:41 PM.


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    #2
    I would leave it alone... If my husband was doing that I think I'd just leave it alone as long as everything was okay at home.
  3. In vino veritas
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    #3
    I would straight up ask. If he is, he may never come out, even when confronted, but I know 2 men who came out after being caught by their girlfriends so....
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    #4
    Watching gay porn doesn't necessarily mean a person is gay.
  5. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #5
    Just because someone watches and enjoys gay porn doesn't make them gay. I can see why he might feel defensive though because probably most people would jump to that conclusion and I'm sure he doesn't want his wife to think that about him. It could just be a little fetish that he enjoys, or he could be bisexual, or maybe even homosexual, but I don't think she should jump to any conclusions. I like watching all kinds of porn but I identify as hetero.

    I don't think "calling on him on it" would be the right reaction anyway ... bawling and running to tell a friend seems an overreaction to me too. I think she needs to CALM down and just ask him about it in a very non-confrontational way. Maybe he just likes watching porn and sometimes he likes watching gay porn, I don't see that is has to be A Thing, you know? (Assuming porn is not off limits in their relationship etc.).
  6. I'm a boss playa', I don't bleed like you.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Navgirl View Post
    Watching gay porn doesn't necessarily mean a person is gay.
    true. but she thinks he might be which is why i asked for input.


  7. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #7
    I would just ask.

    Many women watch girl on girl porn to get off so who's to say that men can't watch guy & guy?

    I'd be a little weirded out, yea, but there's always an explanation.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #8
    I'd ask. He might flip, but it's better than laying next to hi at night wondering, ya know??
    No more countdown! He's home!!

    "We don't cry because we are weak, but because we have been strong for too long"
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Navgirl View Post
    Watching gay porn doesn't necessarily mean a person is gay.
    This. If she feels the need to talk to him about it, she might want to do it in a way that doesn't seem like "calling him out". You catch more flies with honey, ya know?

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  10. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Miriah View Post
    true. but she thinks he might be which is why i asked for input.
    I think what people are trying to say is that if she never had suspicions before, calling his sexuality into question over what porn he watches is a bit much.

    I feel bad for him, if DH caught me watching "weird" porn and told friend(s) and start questioning my sexuality, I would feel really ashamed.
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