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Thread: Please help!

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Please help!

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    My BF and I dated for 3 weeks before he got deployed to Afghanistan. We have been in touch all the 5 mo. he was there. We exchanged daily emails, phone calls, skype. The communication was great. We said how much we miss each other and wish we were together. I sent him good care packages twice a month.
    He returened home a week ago and I went to meet him at the airport.
    He told me he needs some time. It has been a week now he hasn't call me. He sent me emails twice that he is slowly recovering and that he needs time.
    I feel like we are getting disconnected and that the relationship we had is fading out.
    I don't know what to do. Is he stilll interested, or he just needed that connection while in deployment to survive. Was he taking advantage of me and now he does not need me?
    I like him and want him in my life.

    Please help...
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    #2
    In all honesty, you should give him a little time and space. He's coming from a crazy place, where his mindset is different to come home, it'll be a moment before he can fully be himself.

    So give him time and space, but still be there for him -- to make sure that he's okay, and to show that you still care for him.
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    #3
    How well do you know him IRL? Are you sure he is who he says he is? I'm only asking because this behavior can sometimes mean he's got something else going on.



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  4. The army may have my man, but I have his heart.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Arshenique View Post
    In all honesty, you should give him a little time and space. He's coming from a crazy place, where his mindset is different to come home, it'll be a moment before he can fully be himself.

    So give him time and space, but still be there for him -- to make sure that he's okay, and to show that you still care for him.

    They have a completely different mindset now then before and they need some time to adjust back to civilian life. hope all works out for you!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Judi89 View Post
    How well do you know him IRL? Are you sure he is who he says he is? I'm only asking because this behavior can sometimes mean he's got something else going on.
    How close were you before he left? How often did you see each other? Are you sure there isn't anything else going on? Like a girlfriend/fiance/wife/family?
  6. Fresh Newbie
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    #6
    Thanks for all the responses. The week before his deployment we were together almost every day. He seemed to be very honest ad caring. We are mature professiona adults late 40th and it was all emotional. We have not been physical. He told me he had a gf a year ago and I do believe him.
    We have vacation planned in July and everything seem to be going well while he was there. Having no communicaion at all no, worries me. I miss him and I am sure he can find a moment to get in touch with me. Not that I want to spend all his time with me, just at least to call me, so I can hear his voice.
    Maybe I should just move on.
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    #7
    First of all, I'm sorry!

    Second of all, every single soldier and relationship is different, but to give you a starting point for comparisons, my DB (I wasn't with him at the time) took about 6 months to adjust when he came home from his first tour. He didn't go outside, crowds scared him and he really withdrew. Again, just an example.

    I would wait him out for a little bit (set a time limit in your head) and support him throughout, then do what you have to do
  8. You are here.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Arshenique View Post
    In all honesty, you should give him a little time and space. He's coming from a crazy place, where his mindset is different to come home, it'll be a moment before he can fully be himself.

    So give him time and space, but still be there for him -- to make sure that he's okay, and to show that you still care for him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Judi89 View Post
    How well do you know him IRL? Are you sure he is who he says he is? I'm only asking because this behavior can sometimes mean he's got something else going on.
    I think you should give him a little time. Adjusting for some can be fast but for others it can take longer and be harder. But are you sure he's not married or something? How long did you know him prior to deployment?
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    #9
    I had known him three months only.
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    #10
    Never mind! I no longer need help. I broke up with him. Feel so much better. At least I know where do I stand now. Thanks for all your support!

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