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Thread: When to TTC?

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    #1

    When to TTC?

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    DF and I were talking about this last night and I just need some advice.

    We are getting married in July. We have decided to wait a year before we start TTC to spend time together just us and enjoy our married life together and travel a bit. But last night we got to talking and he mentioned that with us starting to go to grad school in the fall, which my degree program lasts at least two years, that we should wait until I'm out of grad school.

    In a way I agree with him, money wise and stress, but I'm going to be 27 in August so waiting until after I get my masters would make me 29. I know not old, but what if we have problems getting pregnant? What if it takes years? We want at least two children and I'm not sure if I want to be pregnant in my mid to late 30s if it takes that long.

    I know I really shouldn't be worried about the "ifs" but it is bugging me.

    Advice?
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    #2
    the 'What ifs' bug me too, and we've decided to only wait until we're out of undergrad! Could you get yourselves checked out now to calm your fears? DH went to have his sperm tested just to make sure he had no problems.


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    #3
    Talk. Lots of talking. That's where DH and I are now. We have our two girls, and are blissfully happy with them, but we do want to try for another one. We decided to wait until our youngest was pushing 2, but I've been feeling more and more ready to try...for the same reason. I'm going to be 30 this year and I'm worried about being able to get pregnant again. It took a while with Madison, so it's on my mind.

    We talk as often as possible. He still wants to wait, I want to start trying. We wont make any decisions until we are on the same page, but we wont get there unless we communicate.



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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    the 'What ifs' bug me too, and we've decided to only wait until we're out of undergrad! Could you get yourselves checked out now to calm your fears? DH went to have his sperm tested just to make sure he had no problems.
    I'm sure DF would be okay with that. I think it would make me feel better too. I just have this nightmare of us waiting until after I complete my masters and it taking us years to get pregnant. I would just be heart-broken.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by sqrllvr123 View Post
    Talk. Lots of talking. That's where DH and I are now. We have our two girls, and are blissfully happy with them, but we do want to try for another one. We decided to wait until our youngest was pushing 2, but I've been feeling more and more ready to try...for the same reason. I'm going to be 30 this year and I'm worried about being able to get pregnant again. It took a while with Madison, so it's on my mind.

    We talk as often as possible. He still wants to wait, I want to start trying. We wont make any decisions until we are on the same page, but we wont get there unless we communicate.
    I agree with the communication thing. This is why it came up last night. I just hope we can come to an agreement at some point.
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    #6
    You just have to decide what is most important. For me, I have medical issues that effect ovulation so the longer I wait the harder it could be, if I want to get another degree later on, that can be done. We talked about it for a long time though and still it won't be ideal but it's important to us so we've decided to try earlier rather than later.
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    #7
    I agree if you had a medical issues and it would be harder later then maybe try when you originally planned; but if you can wait do so... People would ask me when eh and I were having children and I always said once I finished school. Sometimes they would make comments saying we could have issues, but that to me didn't seem like a good enough reason to rush it. I felt like if that was the case we would deal with it then. If you don't feel mentally ready to start trying and want to wait then do so, like you said don't stress over the what ifs.
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    #8
    As someone who had fertility issues in my 20s and has been a baby machine in my 30s... don't assume that it will get harder as you get older. According to my OB it's the opposite for most of his patients! Where you are in your life is what is important, not imaginary what if's, kwim? The 30s aren't some magical threat to your fertility. Your overall health and diet effect your fertility MUCH MUCH more than your age does.


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    #9
    All I can really suggest is lots of communication with your future husband.
    I think it's funny when people talk about the "right time" to have children. Sure, there may be times when a couple is more comfortable with becoming a parent. But there will always be a time when some one feels like conceiving isn't the best idea. Like during a recession for instance. Or when money is tight. Or during a move. Potential things can come up that make having a baby stressful. But that is just life. That's why being a parent is such an intense job. You need to learn how to handle and manage things in a positive way for your family.
    Health wise, I wouldn't worry until you actually start having issues. And even then, lots of women conceive.

    lots of
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Sindorella View Post
    As someone who had fertility issues in my 20s and has been a baby machine in my 30s... don't assume that it will get harder as you get older. According to my OB it's the opposite for most of his patients! Where you are in your life is what is important, not imaginary what if's, kwim? The 30s aren't some magical threat to your fertility. Your overall health and diet effect your fertility MUCH MUCH more than your age does.
    I have never heard that before, so thank you for that! It really put my mind at ease. I have to admit the bolded made me chuckle.

    Quote Originally Posted by jordana View Post
    All I can really suggest is lots of communication with your future husband.
    I think it's funny when people talk about the "right time" to have children. Sure, there may be times when a couple is more comfortable with becoming a parent. But there will always be a time when some one feels like conceiving isn't the best idea. Like during a recession for instance. Or when money is tight. Or during a move. Potential things can come up that make having a baby stressful. But that is just life. That's why being a parent is such an intense job. You need to learn how to handle and manage things in a positive way for your family.
    Health wise, I wouldn't worry until you actually start having issues. And even then, lots of women conceive.

    lots of
    I think this is another thing that is bugging me too. There are always going to be things coming up that will make it tough. No matter if it's grad school or another deployment. Who knows what's in the future? I just don't know if finding reasons to wait will work all the time... if we look at it that way there will always be reasons to wait.
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