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Thread: I don't like it! [Ex LONG]

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    #1

    Help I don't like it! [Ex LONG]

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    ...it's not about what you think it might be.

    ---So, my SO has a bunch of friends from high school that she still talks to from time-to-time. And they are all ex-bf's. So this guy (M&M) and my SO are in a one-sided friendship. She thinks that they are great buddies that hide their feelings from each other because they were 'first' loves.
    ---He on the other hand only deals with her for the most part because she helps him out when he is going through a rough time,but he hates the fact that my SO still thinks that they both have old feelings for each other, because he has no such thing for her, and she says it's just because they were so close in high-school, so it's more of a brother thing...and just the memories from when they used to be together (though claims that nothing will come out of it thank god).
    ---Well, now my SO's little sister (who we will call AJ) is only 18. She tried to date me at one point while me and my SO were broken up, but she did not ever get anywhere. But my SO is still angry with AJ over the whole deal because according to her,"AJ had no right to even try when she knows that I love you".
    Well now AJ is with M&M that man is seven years older than her...and...wow...just wow. So now AJ is asking me for advice on the whole deal. She wants to make her relationship with this guy public on Facebook.

    ---But her mother hates the guy, her older sister (not my SO but another sister) would NOT approve, and my SO would flip shit if she saw that. I just don't want it to become public because I don't want my SO to get upset and then us fight because she is mad at her sister. I mean, she might not care at all and I'm just worrying too much.
    But either way, AJ is mad at me because I'm telling her to keep it a secret from everyone.
    ---But that's because the guy has a kid!!!! Nothing against AJ but she is not Mommy material. That and they both just got out of a relationship not even a week before they hooked up...and to me...that's just being in lust
    And I feel bad because I just want them to break up before there is drama

    What should I do?
    "Love is just a chemical, we give it meaning by choice"---Eleanor Lamb (Bioshock2)
    " I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we're from the same star." ---Emery Allen
  2. aka Mrs Gibberish
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    #2
    Personally I would leave it alone. If she wants to tell the world let her deal with the outcome. She's 18 and technically an adult so whatever happens is her thing to deal with. If she wants to be with him let her be with him knowing that others won't approve. My youngest sister is with a guy that no one in our family likes very much but we deal with him because she wants to be with him and we love her. I will never like the guy and he started dating her when she was 14 and he was 19. So at least for AJ she's 18 and not a child like my sister was. The main reason why I'm telling you to just let it go is because I learned the hard way to just let it go when it came to my sister. It took years before I finally said oh well her life not mine.
  3. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Element02 View Post
    ...it's not about what you think it might be.

    ---So, my SO has a bunch of friends from high school that she still talks to from time-to-time. And they are all ex-bf's. So this guy (M&M) and my SO are in a one-sided friendship. She thinks that they are great buddies that hide their feelings from each other because they were 'first' loves.
    ---He on the other hand only deals with her for the most part because she helps him out when he is going through a rough time,but he hates the fact that my SO still thinks that they both have old feelings for each other, because he has no such thing for her, and she says it's just because they were so close in high-school, so it's more of a brother thing...and just the memories from when they used to be together (though claims that nothing will come out of it thank god).
    ---Well, now my SO's little sister (who we will call AJ) is only 18. She tried to date me at one point while me and my SO were broken up, but she did not ever get anywhere. But my SO is still angry with AJ over the whole deal because according to her,"AJ had no right to even try when she knows that I love you".
    Well now AJ is with M&M that man is seven years older than her...and...wow...just wow. So now AJ is asking me for advice on the whole deal. She wants to make her relationship with this guy public on Facebook.

    ---But her mother hates the guy, her older sister (not my SO but another sister) would NOT approve, and my SO would flip shit if she saw that. I just don't want it to become public because I don't want my SO to get upset and then us fight because she is mad at her sister. I mean, she might not care at all and I'm just worrying too much.
    But either way, AJ is mad at me because I'm telling her to keep it a secret from everyone.
    ---But that's because the guy has a kid!!!! Nothing against AJ but she is not Mommy material. That and they both just got out of a relationship not even a week before they hooked up...and to me...that's just being in lust
    And I feel bad because I just want them to break up before there is drama

    What should I do?
    Step back and tell them both you don't want to be involved, advice giving or otherwise.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
  4. Lauralicious
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    #4
    Honestly OP, I would let it go. Its her life and she knows what she is doing. Don't put yourself in the middle of her situation. If she wants the whole world to know, knowing they wont approve, then oh well. SHe should be able to handle it if she really wants this relationship to work.
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  5. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Element02 View Post
    ...it's not about what you think it might be.

    ---So, my SO has a bunch of friends from high school that she still talks to from time-to-time. And they are all ex-bf's. So this guy (M&M) and my SO are in a one-sided friendship. She thinks that they are great buddies that hide their feelings from each other because they were 'first' loves.
    ---He on the other hand only deals with her for the most part because she helps him out when he is going through a rough time,but he hates the fact that my SO still thinks that they both have old feelings for each other, because he has no such thing for her, and she says it's just because they were so close in high-school, so it's more of a brother thing...and just the memories from when they used to be together (though claims that nothing will come out of it thank god).
    ---Well, now my SO's little sister (who we will call AJ) is only 18. She tried to date me at one point while me and my SO were broken up, but she did not ever get anywhere. But my SO is still angry with AJ over the whole deal because according to her,"AJ had no right to even try when she knows that I love you".
    Well now AJ is with M&M that man is seven years older than her...and...wow...just wow. So now AJ is asking me for advice on the whole deal. She wants to make her relationship with this guy public on Facebook.

    ---But her mother hates the guy, her older sister (not my SO but another sister) would NOT approve, and my SO would flip shit if she saw that. I just don't want it to become public because I don't want my SO to get upset and then us fight because she is mad at her sister. I mean, she might not care at all and I'm just worrying too much.
    But either way, AJ is mad at me because I'm telling her to keep it a secret from everyone.
    ---But that's because the guy has a kid!!!! Nothing against AJ but she is not Mommy material. That and they both just got out of a relationship not even a week before they hooked up...and to me...that's just being in lust
    And I feel bad because I just want them to break up before there is drama

    What should I do?
    I'm confused. Your SO does or doesn't have feelings for the ex-bf? It sounds like she thinks they do but they are just pretending but the guy doesn't have feelings for her and doesn't like the fact that she thinks he does.

    I don't really have advice for the situation, it sounds pretty confusing and it almost sounds like the little sister feels as if she has some sort of competition with your SO and she keeps going for what your SO has or wants.

    As far as him being 7 years older, well, I'm 12 years older than my DB, and we have a better relationship than most people do, well at least when he's not deployed and in "deployment mode". It's all a matter of maturity.

    In my experience, especially with younger people (me being included) the more you tell someone NOT to be with someone, the more they are going to want to do it. If her and him really and truly want to be together, there isn't a darn thing you are going to be able to do about it.

    I would tell your SO about it, because she might get upset with you if she finds out you knew about it, and didn't tell her.

    Sounds like a headache of a situation to be in. Good luck!
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    #6
    Yeah don't get involved. its her life, let her choose. If he's bad news, she'll find out sooner or later. honestly i think you should concentrate on your relationship.
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    #7
    I say leave 'em to it
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    #8
    It's my SO's little sister, not mine haha (for those that were confused). And my SO "does NOT" have feelings for this guy, but he doesn't like her at all and deals with her because we have helped him out so much...but she thinks they are friends.

    I would tell my SO what was going on if it weren't for the fact that she is at Basic and is under enough stress as it is. She knew that her little sister liked the guy LONG before she left...but the guy said that the little sister was a "pain in the ass" so why they are dating is beyond me.

    Either way...I figured I would play dumb with my SO and tell her that I saw the status change but thought it was a joke. Because, I honestly do not want to get involved, and this is for my SO to duke out with her family...
    "Love is just a chemical, we give it meaning by choice"---Eleanor Lamb (Bioshock2)
    " I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. Maybe we're from the same star." ---Emery Allen
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    #9
    I'd stop telling her to keep it secret. You are telling her to lie to your SO. Are you really comfortable with that? If your SO finds out you knew and kept it from her, I suspect dhe's be pissed, and rightfully so.

    Your obligation is to your SO. Right now, you are lying to her in order to avoid a possible fight. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship.

    Your obligation is to your SO, not her sister. I'd tell the sister that I am not comfortable keeping a secret from (aka lying to) my girlfriend and that I won't do it anymore, so sister has until the end of basic to come clean, or the SO was going to hear it from me. (If this is really that big a deal, I'd probably tell her know in a letter, but I don't think waiting until after boot is unreasonable.)

    You don't lie to the woman you love just to avoid a fight. And if she fights with you about it, there is something wrong. It's not your fault who her sister dates.

    And the plan to "play dumb" and claim you though it was a joke? That too is lying to your SO. You seem to do that a lot. If you want this relationship to last, maybe you want to take a look at that and find a way to change it.

    You may not want to get involved, but you *are* involved, and you were the moment the sister told you, and even more so the moment you gave her advice and told her to lie to her family. All you can do now is respect your SO enough to be honest with her.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski

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