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Thread: What do I do for something like this?

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    #1

    What do I do for something like this?

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    So when my DF was younger she was raped and she still has nightmares about it. This morning (night time for us) she told me she had another nightmare but this time I was the one raping her in her dream. She knows I would never do that and she still loves me, but she said she doesn't want to talk to me right now. I know it's not my fault but it really makes me feel like shit, I feel like I did something wrong and it's killing me inside.

    I don't know what I can do. I'm really hurting here because I feel like I've hurt her even though I haven't and have no control over the situation.

    I'm on the verge of tears I feel so bad.
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    #2
    There's nothing you did. It sounds like she may benefit from some therapy so she can work through her feelings and emotions related to the incident(s). You could possibly join her and be a support system for her. That's a tough spot to be in, but really, there's nothing you did. Lots of !
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    #3
    Coming from someone who was raped as a child, I don't think there's anything you can do except support her & be there for her. If she needs to take a step back then that's what she has to do... I'm sure she knows you would never hurt her but those dreams can seem incredibly real at times so I think she just needs time to recollect her thoughts & get it out of her mind.

    Has she ever seen a therapist? If not, I think it would be good for her.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #4
    Honestly give her the space she needs. Don't take it personal, nightmares enjoy rearing their ugly heads and even though she knows you would never do that to her she sounds like she still needs time to process the nightmare and "come down" from it. Just let her know when she is ready to talk again you are there
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    #5
    Definitely don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. This is an issue that she has to deal with on her own. I would just give her some space for now until she calms down. I'm sure she knows you wouldn't really do that she is just very upset right now.
    "I like imprinted on you....not like i can go anywhere..." -DH
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    #6
    It just makes the situation even harder when I'm half way around the world from her...I'm giving her space and told her whenever she is ready to talk I'm here.

    She has seen a therapist but it hasn't really helped much...
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by fdnybound View Post
    It just makes the situation even harder when I'm half way around the world from her...I'm giving her space and told her whenever she is ready to talk I'm here.

    She has seen a therapist but it hasn't really helped much...
    You just have to let her deal with this in her own way. I was the same way. No one can ever really make it better... it's all in her mind & you can't alter that. It sucks but that's just the way it is.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #10


    I used to have graphic repeating nightmares of my SOs beating/raping/killing me. Never knew why, but I had them every time I started dating someone. It wasn't their fault and there was nothing that they could do about it. I felt horrible though, especially since I called out in my sleep and woke up a frightened mess sometimes. What helped me was them being kind and listening, but not pressing me to talk about it, and (though this isn't an issue with you right now) not getting too close physically too soon after the dream.
    ​​​

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