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Thread: grandmother in law

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    Help grandmother in law

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    Okay soo DF's grandma is basically more of a mother figure to him than his mother is so obviously I would like to get along with her and for her to like me.
    She doesn't approve at all of us getting married young and every time that Df brings it up on the phone with her she just gets upset and says she has to go. She won't even acknowledge the fact that we are getting married I guess.

    So DF wants me to try to talk to her about it with her and invite her to my bridal shower so that maybe she will realize that it really is happening.

    Well while DF was at basic I went over to her house on monday's and we talked about how he was doing and just chatted. I was really trying to get to know her which isn't easy for me because well I'll just say it...I'm socially awkward. So I didn't exactly want to go down there and talk to her but because I knew it was important to df and that I should try to be apart of the family that I am marrying into I did.

    I don't mean to be but I am very quiet around people that I am not totally comfortable around. Some people I am instantly comfortable around(DF for example) and some people I have known for years and am still awkward around. I'm even quiet around my extended family.

    Well every time I have driven all the way down to her house since DF left for ait she hasn't been home. DF has been getting annoyed that I haven't been making an effort anymore to visit with her , but I have just gotten tired of driving all the way down there after school when all I want to do is sleep and then having her not even be there. Plus like I said I feel soo awkward doing it soo it's not exactly on my top lists of things to do, but I know that it's something that is important.

    Well I even tried calling her twice tonight and left her a message to see if we could arrange a time to catch up and she hasn't called back or anything. I'm not sure what else to do. I don't want to like harass her and just keep calling, but I also don't want to waste all the gas driving down there and have her not even be there.

    So this is why I have just kind of given up since df went to ait. I'm socially awkward and this kind of stuff stresses me out and when I make an effort despite that I still can never get a hold of her. I'm kind of at a loss.

    Df seemed to feel better that I did make more of an effort and call her so that's good, but I still feel bad.

    Any advice?
    "I like imprinted on you....not like i can go anywhere..." -DH
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    #2
    Maybe she was out when you called. I would wait and see if she calls you tomorrow.
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    yeah I mean idk what else I can do right now
    "I like imprinted on you....not like i can go anywhere..." -DH
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    #4
    Why does your DF expect the relationship between you and her to be so one-way? You say he is "annoyed" that YOU are not making the efforts anymore - I'd be annoyed that he expected me to continue making all the effort Since you say she was not in on multiple occasions when you did make the effort (sidenote - if it was an unplanned, dropping by, sort of thing, there is nothing wrong with her not being home) she is clearly not homebound or incapable of making an effort to travel to you.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    Why does your DF expect the relationship between you and her to be so one-way? You say he is "annoyed" that YOU are not making the efforts anymore - I'd be annoyed that he expected me to continue making all the effort Since you say she was not in on multiple occasions when you did make the effort (sidenote - if it was an unplanned, dropping by, sort of thing, there is nothing wrong with her not being home) she is clearly not homebound or incapable of making an effort to travel to you.
    Totally



    Why not try emailing her and catching up?
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    she called me back today....i missed her call but she left a message saying that she wasn't feeling well the past few days and that she wasn't up for company and that she would give me a call back next week.

    So I'm just going to wait for her to call me. DF seemed satisfied enough that I made the effort and called her so I've done all that i can for now.
    "I like imprinted on you....not like i can go anywhere..." -DH
  7. Eye
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by armylover1018 View Post
    Okay soo DF's grandma is basically more of a mother figure to him than his mother is so obviously I would like to get along with her and for her to like me.
    She doesn't approve at all of us getting married young and every time that Df brings it up on the phone with her she just gets upset and says she has to go. She won't even acknowledge the fact that we are getting married I guess.

    So DF wants me to try to talk to her about it with her and invite her to my bridal shower so that maybe she will realize that it really is happening.

    Well while DF was at basic I went over to her house on monday's and we talked about how he was doing and just chatted. I was really trying to get to know her which isn't easy for me because well I'll just say it...I'm socially awkward. So I didn't exactly want to go down there and talk to her but because I knew it was important to df and that I should try to be apart of the family that I am marrying into I did.

    I don't mean to be but I am very quiet around people that I am not totally comfortable around. Some people I am instantly comfortable around(DF for example) and some people I have known for years and am still awkward around. I'm even quiet around my extended family.

    Well every time I have driven all the way down to her house since DF left for ait she hasn't been home. DF has been getting annoyed that I haven't been making an effort anymore to visit with her , but I have just gotten tired of driving all the way down there after school when all I want to do is sleep and then having her not even be there. Plus like I said I feel soo awkward doing it soo it's not exactly on my top lists of things to do, but I know that it's something that is important.

    Well I even tried calling her twice tonight and left her a message to see if we could arrange a time to catch up and she hasn't called back or anything. I'm not sure what else to do. I don't want to like harass her and just keep calling, but I also don't want to waste all the gas driving down there and have her not even be there.

    So this is why I have just kind of given up since df went to ait. I'm socially awkward and this kind of stuff stresses me out and when I make an effort despite that I still can never get a hold of her. I'm kind of at a loss.

    Df seemed to feel better that I did make more of an effort and call her so that's good, but I still feel bad.

    Any advice?
    Here's my take. Why is it your job to get to know the family without him around. Don't get me wrong, I think it's totally cool that you are doing it. But seriously, you are getting married, but you're not married yet, and don't know her well. so why is it your responsibility?

    Also, if you called 3 times, and left one message. Well, my parents are older, and VERY BUSY. When I lived in the same town I always had to make arrangements to visit because they were so busy. She may not have returned your call yet because she's out. How old is she? just curious.

    I got to know my husband's family through my husband. BF at the time. It was his responsibility to make sure we connected. When we were apart, I felt NO obligation to visit or take care of his family.

    I'm annoyed with your DF getting annoyed with you that you're not going out of your way for his Grandma. Just cuz he's at AIT and can't be there, doesn't mean he can't call too.
  8. Eye
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by armylover1018 View Post
    she called me back today....i missed her call but she left a message saying that she wasn't feeling well the past few days and that she wasn't up for company and that she would give me a call back next week.

    So I'm just going to wait for her to call me. DF seemed satisfied enough that I made the effort and called her so I've done all that i can for now.
    Sorry missed this, but my thoughts are still the same.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye View Post
    Here's my take. Why is it your job to get to know the family without him around. Don't get me wrong, I think it's totally cool that you are doing it. But seriously, you are getting married, but you're not married yet, and don't know her well. so why is it your responsibility?

    Also, if you called 3 times, and left one message. Well, my parents are older, and VERY BUSY. When I lived in the same town I always had to make arrangements to visit because they were so busy. She may not have returned your call yet because she's out. How old is she? just curious.

    I got to know my husband's family through my husband. BF at the time. It was his responsibility to make sure we connected. When we were apart, I felt NO obligation to visit or take care of his family.

    I'm annoyed with your DF getting annoyed with you that you're not going out of your way for his Grandma. Just cuz he's at AIT and can't be there, doesn't mean he can't call too.
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    Why does your DF expect the relationship between you and her to be so one-way? You say he is "annoyed" that YOU are not making the efforts anymore - I'd be annoyed that he expected me to continue making all the effort Since you say she was not in on multiple occasions when you did make the effort (sidenote - if it was an unplanned, dropping by, sort of thing, there is nothing wrong with her not being home) she is clearly not homebound or incapable of making an effort to travel to you.
    ditto

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