Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 33

Thread: Key Spouse problem

  1. i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    chickadeebaby's Avatar
    chickadeebaby is offline
    i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Hurlburt Field, FL
    Posts
    3,669
    #1

    Help Key Spouse problem

    Advertisements
    My husband had been having some personal problems at work a few months ago with passing PT tests and such...

    The shirt got involved and involved the "key spouse"...this was a very personal thing that I didn't want spread around and some things were said to me that I found out of order.
    I also just found out that the "key spouse" had not yet gone to the training that is required but was being handed personal information and acting like she was the key spouse.
    There is a lot more to the story and a lot has happened but...
    I am hurt and frustrated!

    I am to the point where I feel like something needs to be done! I didn't say anything before because I didn't want it to effect my husband's career but it has just gone too far!

    One of my close friends suggested talking to someone at the Airman Family Readiness center, so I think that's what I will do. I'm just so frustrated by all of this!!

    What would you do if normal protocol was being breached and causing more upset and frustration that is called for in a situation that is difficult enough as it is?
    I'm LeAndra

    Married to James since October 2008
    Lorelai Feb 2010
    Beckham July 2012
    I am a Christian & SAHM/W

    If you have any questions about massage therapy, breastfeeding, natural birth, Your Baby Can Read, teaching kids sign language or whatever...feel free to ask!
    PS~ Please excuse any typos for the time being...I've almost always got an arm full of baby
  2. Senior Member
    Sweetie's Avatar
    Sweetie is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    7,698
    #2
    I would defiantly talk to AFRC or the shirt to let them what she did. Thats defiantly not appropreite behavior for a key spouse let alone someone who isn't even one yet

    and for you. I'm trying to be a key spouse because i've had a bad experience as well.
  3. i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    chickadeebaby's Avatar
    chickadeebaby is offline
    i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Hurlburt Field, FL
    Posts
    3,669
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Sweetie View Post
    I would defiantly talk to AFRC or the shirt to let them what she did. Thats defiantly not appropreite behavior for a key spouse let alone someone who isn't even one yet

    and for you. I'm trying to be a key spouse because i've had a bad experience as well.
    The bigger problem is it wasn't just the KS...the shirt messed up too! She got the other woman involved and when the shirt should have called me she had the KS do it...it's all VERY screwed up!

    I was asked to be key spouse, but we thought we were PCSing and I'm (now) 28wks pregnant with a 2 year old...just can't put the time in.
    I'm LeAndra

    Married to James since October 2008
    Lorelai Feb 2010
    Beckham July 2012
    I am a Christian & SAHM/W

    If you have any questions about massage therapy, breastfeeding, natural birth, Your Baby Can Read, teaching kids sign language or whatever...feel free to ask!
    PS~ Please excuse any typos for the time being...I've almost always got an arm full of baby
  4. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
    Rissa*Rawr's Avatar
    Rissa*Rawr is offline
    BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    25,582
    #4
    Definitely talk to Family Readiness. That would so not fly with me. If she hasn't gone through the proper training & isn't even technically the key spouse, she has no right to have any personal information.
    Put in a complaint about the shirt too... he shouldn't be saying it was okay for her to do anything.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
  5. Account Closed
    Lynn's Avatar
    Lynn is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    It could be worse.
    Posts
    29,398
    #5
    I can think of absolutely no reason that anyone outside of active duty would need to know anything about another active duty member's personal issues, PT test status or anything related to his performance. I simply can't imagine why a shirt would involve a key spouse that WAS trained in something of that nature.

    I'm also not sure what the AF&RC could do about it. It seems like a blatant violation of protocol that your husband should take farther up within his chain of command.

    You husband's work performance and issues with his shirt shouldn't involve ANY spouses.
  6. i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    chickadeebaby's Avatar
    chickadeebaby is offline
    i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Hurlburt Field, FL
    Posts
    3,669
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by LynnAFWife View Post
    I can think of absolutely no reason that anyone outside of active duty would need to know anything about another active duty member's personal issues, PT test status or anything related to his performance. I simply can't imagine why a shirt would involve a key spouse that WAS trained in something of that nature.

    I'm also not sure what the AF&RC could do about it. It seems like a blatant violation of protocol that your husband should take farther up within his chain of command.

    You husband's work performance and issues with his shirt shouldn't involve ANY spouses.
    I figure it can't hurt to talk with the AF&RC woman...even if all she can tell me is that there is nothing I can do..at least I tried right?

    As far as taking it to his command...his command was involved in it to. The "KS" actually told me in a phone conversation that she was "going to have a meeting with the shirt and commander (the next day) and (what was going on with my husband) will most likely be a topic we discuss." That was just ONE of my first red flags in this situation.

    I'm not really positive how the KS found out in the first place but something very wrong went on there! (it's such a long complicated story)
    I'm LeAndra

    Married to James since October 2008
    Lorelai Feb 2010
    Beckham July 2012
    I am a Christian & SAHM/W

    If you have any questions about massage therapy, breastfeeding, natural birth, Your Baby Can Read, teaching kids sign language or whatever...feel free to ask!
    PS~ Please excuse any typos for the time being...I've almost always got an arm full of baby
  7. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Crystal's Avatar
    Crystal is offline
    Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    "Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from."
    Posts
    53,548




    #7
    Ummm, wow. The shirt should not have included a spouse, key spouse, or not. Key spouses are here for the spouse, not the active duty member. The ONLY reason I would even possibly think the shirt would have gotten this spouse involved is if she is a certified personal trainer that has volunteered to help anyone in the SQ who needed it. If the latter is the case, the shirt needed to ask for permission to give out private information. This is something that your dh needs to address with either his commander or directly with the shirt. I don't believe there is anything that the AFRC can do. This is an untrained key spouse, so really not a key spouse at all.

    This is just from my own experience as a key spouse and a SQ lead spouse. It varies from base to base, but being both bases we are at are the same, most policies are too.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
  8. Account Closed
    Lynn's Avatar
    Lynn is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    It could be worse.
    Posts
    29,398
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by chickadeebaby View Post
    I figure it can't hurt to talk with the AF&RC woman...even if all she can tell me is that there is nothing I can do..at least I tried right?

    As far as taking it to his command...his command was involved in it to. The "KS" actually told me in a phone conversation that she was "going to have a meeting with the shirt and commander (the next day) and (what was going on with my husband) will most likely be a topic we discuss." That was just ONE of my first red flags in this situation.

    I'm not really positive how the KS found out in the first place but something very wrong went on there! (it's such a long complicated story)
    I'm sorry that you're going through this. I understand you not wanting to share specifics but I just cannot understand why a commander or a shirt would bring a spouse in on something work or performance related. It's not part of the key spouse function.

    Something is very off.
  9. Livin~Lovin~Laughin
    KarmaRocks's Avatar
    KarmaRocks is offline
    Livin~Lovin~Laughin
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    14,212
    #9
    I would be filing a complaint with the IG. There's no reason any spouse should be involved in your DH's business other than you!





    "Don't worry about being right,
    just worry about being kind."
    ~Tilly Therber
  10. i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    chickadeebaby's Avatar
    chickadeebaby is offline
    i will NOT limbo in Idaho
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Hurlburt Field, FL
    Posts
    3,669
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
    Ummm, wow. The shirt should not have included a spouse, key spouse, or not. Key spouses are here for the spouse, not the active duty member. The ONLY reason I would even possibly think the shirt would have gotten this spouse involved is if she is a certified personal trainer that has volunteered to help anyone in the SQ who needed it. If the latter is the case, the shirt needed to ask for permission to give out private information. This is something that your dh needs to address with either his commander or directly with the shirt. I don't believe there is anything that the AFRC can do. This is an untrained key spouse, so really not a key spouse at all.

    This is just from my own experience as a key spouse and a SQ lead spouse. It varies from base to base, but being both bases we are at are the same, most policies are too.
    She has now been through the training and is a key spouse..but this problem happened months ago and she JUST went through training

    Quote Originally Posted by LynnAFWife View Post
    I'm sorry that you're going through this. I understand you not wanting to share specifics but I just cannot understand why a commander or a shirt would bring a spouse in on something work or performance related. It's not part of the key spouse function.

    Something is very off.

    So as short and simple as I can make it:

    DH failed 4 PT tests and didn't tell me about it. I thought he had only failed 2, but passed the others..he lied to me. (very personal problem we've been dealing with) Also, we were supposed to PCS to Germany, but because of his failures the assignment got cancelled, I thought it was because of paperwork taking too long (we redid medical like 4 times!!!) and I ranted on my personal FB about paperwork taking forever at one point...and then just posted that we were no longer going to Germany.
    The KS asked a close friend why I thought the orders were cancelled (found this out after I found out about everything else).
    Next thing I know DH texts me and says I shouldn't be talking bad about the squadron on fb (never did very confused) and that a KS told the shirt that I said it was the squadron's fault for taking too long on paperwork and that's why our orders were cancelled (not true).
    Then the next thing (DHs off day) DH gets told he has to come in and talk to the commander in uniform..then I find out about the PT failures and that DH is in danger of being discharged. DH tells me the shirt will call me the next day to check on me..she didn't..she had the KS do it (a day after she was supposed to call)..and the KS said some things I didn't appreciate. (not the last time the KS contacted me about the whole thing)
    After a little bit I called the shirt to talk to her about what all we needed to do for DH to stay in and to ask her to not say anything else to the KS because this was all very personal and I didn't know who the KS talked to or anything and I just don't want my personal life talked about. (This was more in response to KS saying she would be discussing it with the shirt and commander). The shirt said she understood.

    Today..MONTHS LATER..I get a message from KS saying that she heard I was worried about her talking to other people about my situation and that she didn't and if I had a problem I should talk to her.

    I'm LeAndra

    Married to James since October 2008
    Lorelai Feb 2010
    Beckham July 2012
    I am a Christian & SAHM/W

    If you have any questions about massage therapy, breastfeeding, natural birth, Your Baby Can Read, teaching kids sign language or whatever...feel free to ask!
    PS~ Please excuse any typos for the time being...I've almost always got an arm full of baby
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •