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Thread: What About Me?

  1. Senior Member
    thenewlaura's Avatar
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    #1

    What About Me?

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    So it seems to come up often....
    As a military spouse I must remain positive to keep him happy. My attitude can directly effect his career.

    HOW do I stay positive when I am feeling so defeated and lonely? I am frustrated because I am so disconnected. At least that is the way I feel. He can't tell me things and I completely understand why. But if I were there he could. I am sleeping alone. I miss his kiss. I need his arms around me. I want to be there when he gets home from a long day for him to vent to or just lay there and rub his sore muscles.

    I am human. I have my moments. I can't always be strong. But I feel like if I don't, his career will suffer. I feel like if I tell him everything is fine when it isn't, I am lying to him. And then who do I lean on when I need a pick me up? Isn't that what relationships are about?! You are there for each other when it gets rough? Doesn't it seem to be a bit unfair for me to always be the strong one?


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
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  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    In my relationship it's not really expected that anyone always be the strong one. Maybe it's an idea that you have that you don't always have to live up to. No my husband can't march in and say that he isnt going to Korea because his wife doesn't want him to but he can be there for the feelings that you have about it. I'd really just suggest trying to be as honest as you can. Yes some complaining can be kept on MSOS or to whoever your support system may be but talking about it with your husband will at least help you with feeling more connected. If you feel like you have to hold it all in then that's probably the reason that youre feeling disconnected.
  3. In vino veritas
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    #3
    There is a time to be strong, but to always pretend to be strong and happy- thats setting yourself up for failure and resentment. In a relationship, regardless of their job, you should lean on each other. Good and bad. If he is not deployed, there is no reason to pretend to be super happy all the time. And if he is deployed, personally, I would try to stay more upbeat most of the time, but I would be honest as well. Something like 'I miss you so much, and it hurts so bad somethings. But I know you are worth it and I cannot wait until you get home because of all the fun stuff I am planning!' KWIM?

    Relationships only work if you both are honest, especially about feelings.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Is this pressure you put on yourself (to always be an upbeat pollyanna of a wife, irregardless of how you are actually feeling) or do you feel like he is putting this pressure on you?

    I agree that our attitude as wives can influence our husbands, but I can assure you that if you express discontentment, that his career isn't gonna go down the drain as a result. I know this because I am a whiny brat of a wife, and my husband's doing just fine.
    Hell, the concept of getting a break from me during the work day probably propells him out of the house in the morning
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    honest and open communication is something our relationship has been built on and that will never change. we are both very strict about it.
    but i was told by a navy wife (and have seen some things on here) that being positive is super important. but like i said...i feel like i am lying to him and frankly he sees it and calls me out on it so there is really no reason to fake it in the first place. i feel like i am disrespecting everything we have when i say "everything is peachy!!" when i am actually feel despair.


    Quote Originally Posted by Katyp View Post
    Is this pressure you put on yourself (to always be an upbeat pollyanna of a wife, irregardless of how you are actually feeling) or do you feel like he is putting this pressure on you?
    maybe a little of both. i dont want him to see me as a negative person. our relationship is still kind of new. i just keep reassuring him that i am a little down right now and that it will get better soon.


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
    Our Day Has Come
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    maybe i am misunderstanding the "rule." like VinoVet said...during deployment it is a little more important. but he is in the same time zone as me. we talk every day.


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
    Our Day Has Come
  7. Talk Whovian To Me.
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    #7
    I don't have any advice that hasn't already been given, but I do have hugs to offer you
    I've been feeling the same way lately.

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