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Thread: HOW DO I TALK TO HIM?

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    #1

    HOW DO I TALK TO HIM?

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    So first off, I am completely in love with my DB, there is no doubt in that. I just don't know what to do. I have been struggling this whole time, but I also do not know how I can take this. I am not used to doing this. I am normally the girl whose bf is always around. I am not used to one text every few days, and muffled phone calls, and maybe webcam dates. I want him here. I want him to hold me. I want to feel his presence next to me. I want to kiss him. I want him to just be here. How do you guys do this? Me and him are supposed to talk tonight, and I want to talk to him about this. But what true good of it is there going to be? He can't leave the navy. He can't just come home and be with me right now. He is there and I am here. That is the situation. I know telling him I am really really REALLY struggling and starting actually doubt if i can do this is going to hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. I want to be with him. I would LOVE to be his wife, but that is years from now (due to circumstances of him being there and grad school for me). I don't know what to do. I just want to make some sort of normalcy out of this, and there can't be. I am trying to be grateful for the once and awhile talks and there are times that I am ok, I'm never completely good, but there are times I can handle the pain. I just don't know what to do. I don't want break it off...I know that for sure, but at the same time even if i don't want to end it would it be better? I am just sick of feeling like this. I am sick of not feeling confident that I can handle this. How do you live on not waiting around for a response to anything you may send your boyfriends, husbands, etc., yet drop everything for them when they do answer and or call? How do you connect in those short conversations. How do you make those short times what holds you together? How HOw HOW???!!!!!
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    #2
    To clarify, are you guys long distance or is he deployed? If it is distance, where is he/what is he doing? Is he in MOS school or TBS or AIT or BMT or whatever schooling? Is he stationed on a base waiting to deploy at some point?
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    #3
    you have the most normal conversation you possibly can
    if you dwell on talking about how much you miss him, etc., consider the conversation killed. talk about your day, ask him about his, talk about stuff you'd talk about if he were sitting next to you. that's all.
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    #4
    First off So sorry OP!!

    Secondly, how long has he been gone? Are you still adjusting? Is it new? Is it closer to the end??
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    #5
    Definitely dont dwell on the fact that he is not around. That makes everything worse. And I agree with PP that said have normal conversations, not "I miss you *sob*" conversations.
    It takes a strong person do deal with the distance and muffled phone calls and infrequent comms altogether. Dont live your life for the phone call, dont expect it even though he said it will happen, because sometimes it wont. Keep your phone handy throughout the day, but go on with your life.
    Missing him is normal, going through pictures on your phone/computer is normal, but dont let the thoughts consume you and make you miserable. You may end up pushing away the one thing you treasure the most.
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    #6
    For now this is just a long distance relationship. He is 9.5 hours away. He lives on base and possibly moving off in a few months. He is in the naval hospital and he is corpsman. I try not to dwell on the missing him stuff when i talk to him, cuz i don't want to bring things down. i try to stay strong and be there for him by living my life. but i also am struggling tremendously right now. we have known each other for years, but have only actually been together for a few months. I had hesitations being with him due to the military situation, but i finally realized that i could no longer lie to myself that i did not have feelings for him. how do i make this life normal though? do i talk to him about it? at least let him know that i am in need too. i mean i know he has things going on that i will never understand so i have to sacrifice for him till things are different, but i also too have needs...what do i do?
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    #7
    Honestly the best way not to dwell is to keep yourself busy. Long distance sucks any way you slice it but by sitting around dwelling on omg hes not here is just going to make seem that much worse. It is just as hard on them being away from the ones they love.

    Have as normal a conversation as you can like the PP's said. Even when he is stateside its normal to go sometimes a day or two without talking. DH and I still do it. You can't dwell on it or it will drive you bananas, you just have to get into a routine of what is normal for you guys.
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    #8
    So I just don't tell him I am struggling, and go on like everything is fine?
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by kb17keri View Post
    So I just don't tell him I am struggling, and go on like everything is fine?
    Don't lie to him, just don't make it the sole focus of the conversation. Like I said it is hard on him too, if you focus the whole conversation on an emotional I miss you note it could send him the wrong message
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    #10
    When DB and I were long distance he didn't want to hear about how much I missed him etc because it made him feel like he was letting me down and made him worry I was going to give up on him.

    I still told him I missed him, but like others have said, I made sure it was a passing comment rather than something it seemed like I wanted him to fix.

    Sometimes I couldn't help it and would fall apart while talking to him, but if I could help it then I would try to keep the conversation on more lighthearted topics.

    Yes, your partner should be the person you lean on when times are tough, but in this situation where he can't do anything to change it I don't think leaning on him is going to do anything but make both of you miserable. Make your conversations with him happy ones and lean on everyone here to get you through the difficult moments.
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