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Thread: I don't know what to tell her....

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    #1

    Question I don't know what to tell her....

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    So my friend's DH just left a couple weeks ago for his basic and AIT with the guard. He'll be gone about 7 months or so. They have 2 small kids. I know it's hard but I want to shake her and tell her it's all for them and their future. She keeps telling me how lucky I am with DH coming home in the next few weeks. Yes but he's been gone about 2 months and will leave again soon after getting home.... I know it's hard and I know how she feels. I just don't like that she says she can't do this and such. They talked about it for quite a while about him joining. It's going to make their life better. I just don't know what to tell her really.... I know it sucks! I'm just not sure what to tell her.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by AaronsWife View Post
    So my friend's DH just left a couple weeks ago for his basic and AIT with the guard. He'll be gone about 7 months or so. They have 2 small kids. I know it's hard but I want to shake her and tell her it's all for them and their future. She keeps telling me how lucky I am with DH coming home in the next few weeks. Yes but he's been gone about 2 months and will leave again soon after getting home.... I know it's hard and I know how she feels. I just don't like that she says she can't do this and such. They talked about it for quite a while about him joining. It's going to make their life better. I just don't know what to tell her really.... I know it sucks! I'm just not sure what to tell her.
    He's been gone for a couple of weeks - cut her some slack and let her find her footing
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    He's been gone for a couple of weeks - cut her some slack and let her find her footing


    It's not uncommon for spouses to not think they can do it after only a few weeks. I would just back off & give her some space to learn how to deal with it.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by ZivaD View Post
    He's been gone for a couple of weeks - cut her some slack and let her find her footing
    I've told her you kinda get used to it. Which for me I did.

    I hope not, because this 7 months with out him is about all I can take
    What do I say to that? I've been staring at it trying to figure it out....
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    #5
    The first couple weeks are the hardest IMO, especialy if you've never been apart very long before. Throwing 2 kids into that emotional mix and I'm sure it can seem impossible.

    I'd just keep giving her hugs, telling her she'll manage to get through it, remind her of how great her own homecoming will be when she brings up mine, and just offer a sympathetic ear.

    Since I don't know her or the ages of her kids (if they're young enough, she'll be plenty busy), I don't know how she'd take advice about how to get through it so I'd leave that until she specificaly asks.

    When you're hurting, logic doesn't always come through. Even when it does, it doesn't always make it hurt less.
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    #6
    Don't get frustrated, be positive with her. She needs someone telling her she can get through this.


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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by AaronsWife View Post
    I've told her you kinda get used to it. Which for me I did.



    What do I say to that? I've been staring at it trying to figure it out....
    I'd just send hugs.

    She'll find she most likely can "take it" and deal with it as time goes on, she finds her groove, and it's not a fresh pin. But telling her that isn't probably going to make her feel better or feel like she can do it; it's probably one of those things someone needs to find out on her own through experience.
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    #8
    it seems like your comparing how you handle long distance to how she deals with it...You cant do that, people deal with separation very different. What she needs is a good hug and a pep talk.

    this is all very new to her so shes probably still in shock.. Yea they talked about him being gone for a long time, but you can talk all you want nothing prepares you for when he's finally gone.
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    #9
    Do your best to reassure her but I agree I think she needs to figure it out on her own.

    Baby you are just so amazing.....
    everything you have done without me there is unbelievable.
    The person that I married is the person I want by my side the rest of my life
    and I can't wait to get back to her. ~DH~
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    #10
    Give her hugs and offer support. Maybe remind her she's not the only one in this boat. I know it helps me knowing I'm not the only one. She is probably going to have to figure out how to deal/handle this on her own though. I didn't think I could handle it at first too, but here I am.
    Still just as much in love with you as the day we wed

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