Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: new army girlfriend, heartbroken

  1. Regular Member
    Lauren_4990's Avatar
    Lauren_4990 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    I live in Massachusetts & My boyfriend is stationed at Ft. Rucker, Alabama
    Posts
    49
    #1

    new army girlfriend, heartbroken

    Advertisements
    My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months. I met him after he enlisted in the army and went through basic training. In the begining of our relationship, we were both college students. We have the same interests, the same friends, and everything about our relationship was so eays and carefree. He made it very easy to fall for him! He was always an unemotional person, and I liked him so much because he was not clingy/needy and "us" just seemed to come effortless without a need to define the relationship. In march, he was accepted to flight school. I was so proud! He is more than excited that he was selected specially and that he will be flying Black Hawks. Before this moment, we never talked about the military, and it certainly did not dictate our relationship. Without much notice, they told him to relocate to Ft. Rucker, Alabama, and that the school will last about a year and a half. We live in Boston, MA so this is a huge distance. First, he goes to officer training school for 6 weeks. In the weeks leading up to him leaving, he was very distant and agitated. His mind was always elsewhere and although I would still see him almost everyday, it was as if he wasn't even there. I got so discouraged even though I understood how the army needed to be his top priority. But in my mind, I was a part of this too and I just needed confirmation about the way he felt about me too and that he wanted to commit as much as I did. I tried to bring it up multiple times and he refused to talk about it, always changed the subject. I drove him down to school in AL, and he was still so distant. On one of the last days he could use his phone he asked me to be his girlfriend, making sure I knew what I was getting myself into. We talked every chance we got until he lost his phone and he opened up so much more in these few days. It has been 4 weeks since officer school started, and I wrote him every day and got three letters back. He has called twice on days he has gotten his phone back. He says how much he appreciates the letters, that he misses me, thinks about me, and wants me to come to graduation. He has even mentioned me moving down there for a year and doing grad school in AL. I have always wanted to travel and live in the south but I am afraid to move FOR a guy, I am afraid it will not be for myself. But even though he says these things- he forgot my birthday yesterday, did not send anything, and did not say happy birthday. I was SO mad. I was disappointed because for days, I just expect him to surprise me and walk through the door of my school/work/home and he never does. I can't help but feel that I'm not in a relationship at all some days. Some days I am proud, sometimes I feel sorry for him, often I feel sorry for myself, and sometimes I get angry and blame him. I have never been through anything like this. I am not used to guys being distant with me. I am an affectionate and open person, and Phil is almost the opposite. Through his actions, he shows how much he cares but I don't get confirmation from him at all because he is seriously not able to talk about his feelings. I cry myself to sleep almost every night, and going out with my friends almost makes it worse. I never knew how to feel completely alone in a crowded room until now. I am not tempted to cheat, and I know I love him, but I am scared if I say it I won't get the response I want back. I am afraid he will not want to be with me anymore when he comes home. I know he is going through something bigger than I can ever imagine but I desperately want to know he will put in the effort to this commitment to me. Its hard because I worry that we did not have enough time to establish our relationship before he left. I feel selfish, needy, and naive most of the time. My family and friends are sick of hearing it, and I don't know anyone to talk to. I know this is very long! This is my first forum and I just needed to get it off my chest. I so badly need guidance from someone who understands, and can tell me that what I am feeling and the way he is acting is normal. I would appreciate any feed back. THANK YOU
  2. Senior Member
    pinkpolkadots's Avatar
    pinkpolkadots is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,116
    #2
    He may not have been allowed to use the phone/computer to contact you on your birthday. And expecting him to show up and surprise you while he's in training is just unrealistic. I understand your fears but I think you are mixing up HIS responses with what he is restrained from doing right now due to his training.

    He has said that he loves you, misses you, has sent you letters, and wants you to come to graduation. If he is not an emotionally open guy - that sounds like at least he's trying! I really don't understand what you are so conflicted about because it doesn't really sound like its his actions towards you.
  3. Senior Member
    Element02's Avatar
    Element02 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Fort Hood
    Posts
    595
    Blog Entries
    8
    #3
    ...I posted on your other thread. Because you have 2 of them.
  4. Regular Member
    Lauren_4990's Avatar
    Lauren_4990 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    I live in Massachusetts & My boyfriend is stationed at Ft. Rucker, Alabama
    Posts
    49
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by pinkpolkadots View Post
    He may not have been allowed to use the phone/computer to contact you on your birthday. And expecting him to show up and surprise you while he's in training is just unrealistic. I understand your fears but I think you are mixing up HIS responses with what he is restrained from doing right now due to his training.

    He has said that he loves you, misses you, has sent you letters, and wants you to come to graduation. If he is not an emotionally open guy - that sounds like at least he's trying! I really don't understand what you are so conflicted about because it doesn't really sound like its his actions towards you.
    I know you are right, and that they probably lose track of the days down there. I guess I am just venting. I know he wont show up but I just keep having that little hope in me all the time wherever I am, and i dont know how to get it out of my head. I am just so insecure in this relationship, he shows me how he feels but I cant help but be afraid that im more in it than he is. I get so caught up in my head so I am happy and comforted to hear that from an outside perspective you think that he is trying!! thank you
  5. You are here.
    Frybread's Avatar
    Frybread is offline
    You are here.
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    23,977
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by pinkpolkadots View Post
    He may not have been allowed to use the phone/computer to contact you on your birthday. And expecting him to show up and surprise you while he's in training is just unrealistic. I understand your fears but I think you are mixing up HIS responses with what he is restrained from doing right now due to his training.
    He has said that he loves you, misses you, has sent you letters, and wants you to come to graduation. If he is not an emotionally open guy - that sounds like at least he's trying! I really don't understand what you are so conflicted about because it doesn't really sound like its his actions towards you.
    ditto, OP its not like civilian life where you can up and leave with few or no consequences. if he isn't allowed any electronics (ie phone, computer, etc) then thats that. His instructors tell him ONCE and thats it or he faces BIG consequences, and honestly, he shouldn't be risking his career for that. And he can't leave the training base, then he would be UA and thats a huge thing, jail time, kicked out possibly dishonorably which could follow him from one employer to the next.

    I think you should sit back and really read up on what the military really is, its not college, its not like living at home, this isn't a camp or anything. You're up set with him for following the rules. having that smal hope is nice but it sounds like it was more than just small, that you were banking on it, and with the military if you do that you'll be heartbroken and angry every time because the military will have him do what they want first. Are you sure you can handle a military relationship? Maybe have to really think about it, because in a sense you'll be second to the military in his life, it sucks but thats just how it is. He signed a contract with them.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •