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Thread: Oh jeez.

  1. Vandelay Industries
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    #1

    Oh jeez.

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    I need advice. I'm at a loss for what to do right now, and this is gonna be long, sorry.

    One of my best friends is a guy, L. He lives two doors down from me and we hang out a lot. We get along perfectly, have so much in common, and have the same sense of humor. Sometimes we hang out just us but most of the time we include his roommate who I like a lot too. I've known that he has feelings for me since St. Paddy's day because when we were walking to a party late at night with a big group, he tried to grab my hand, but I swatted it away because I just DO NOT like him like that. At all. Ever. Not gonna happen. I'm sure he got the hint because he backed off after that. I know I should have said something right there but I was afraid of losing him as a friend.

    Anyway, jump to this weekend. Coincidentally both of our families came up to visit for Easter weekend. I told him me and my fam were going to this really good restaurant Sunday night and he insisted him and his family come along and we all go together. Awkward, but ok fine. So yesterday, they show up about 20 minutes late. Within the first five minutes of them being there, I realized L was completely hammered. Like ridiculously drunk. He couldn't form sentences, couldn't order for himself, barely had his eyes open, was dropping f-bombs left and right, and spilled his drink on me. His family was humiliated.

    He ruined it for me and embarrassed me. I was so mad and I'm still really pissed at him. He's been texting me all day that he's so sorry and yadda yadda, but my anger hasn't gone away yet, so I haven't been responding. Now I just found flowers outside my door, and they're from him. He wrote a note with it apologizing more and saying how "cool and gorgeous" I am and how he doesn't want to stop being friends because he's an idiot, and I don't deserve to be treated that way, etc.

    I don't know, after the flowers and the note I think I've realized his feelings have not gone away and he thinks this dinner was all because we were becoming a couple (in his eyes, NOT mine). Should I say something? I know he already feels horrible about fucking up yesterday.

    I'm still super mad. I'll forgive him eventually but it could take a while. I don't know if I should wait to address this....I don't even have a clue what to say. I'm moving away in 3 weeks and might never see him again so maybe it's not even worth it.

    I'm really wishing he would not have bought me the flowers. A lot of people saw them. Greaaaat.
  2. In vino veritas
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    #2
    Well you have, in my eyes, are 2 good options. Just what you feel more comfortable with.

    1. Confront it head on. Next time you talk to him, ask to sit down and have a chat and explain that yes you are still mad, you will probably get over it in time, but you want to impress upon him that while you like him as a friend, you do not have feelings for him beyond that. And that you wish him well in love in the future.

    2. Since you are moving in 3 weeks and dont really plan on seeing him again, just stay friendly and ignore it. Why get worked up and deal with something uber uncomfortable if you are never gonna see him again?

    I get that #1 is the more mature thing to do, but honestly, sometimes its not worth the hassle, and if you are moving away...up to you to decide if its worth the hassle.
  3. cuz i'm wonderful
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    #3
    I can't believe he would show up like that and think you were becoming a couple. What a moron. I'm sorry, hon.
  4. Vandelay Industries
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    #4
    Thanks for the suggestions, you're right. I guess I just don't know which is better to do. I'm not the confrontational type when it comes to things like this and I hate doing that, but....he's going way overboard here.
  5. Vandelay Industries
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by linderful View Post
    I can't believe he would show up like that and think you were becoming a couple. What a moron. I'm sorry, hon.
    I know, I about hauled him off into the hallway and slapped the shit out of him. But he was too drunk to even understand anything. It's ok.
  6. Justice Beaver: The Crime Fighting Beaver
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    #6
    I think you need to sit down and talk to him. Lay everything out on the table and explain that you don't have feelings for him other than friendship.

    I'm sorry he embarrassed you though

  7. Books are my ink and paper friends.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.VinoVet View Post
    Well you have, in my eyes, are 2 good options. Just what you feel more comfortable with.

    1. Confront it head on. Next time you talk to him, ask to sit down and have a chat and explain that yes you are still mad, you will probably get over it in time, but you want to impress upon him that while you like him as a friend, you do not have feelings for him beyond that. And that you wish him well in love in the future.

    2. Since you are moving in 3 weeks and dont really plan on seeing him again, just stay friendly and ignore it. Why get worked up and deal with something uber uncomfortable if you are never gonna see him again?

    I get that #1 is the more mature thing to do, but honestly, sometimes its not worth the hassle, and if you are moving away...up to you to decide if its worth the hassle.
    with all of this, but especially the bolded. Sometimes these things just need to be specifically stated.
    IHaveHisHeart is my sexy twin and wifey

  8. i request the highest of fives!
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    #8
    my first thought is, if he's like that in front of his own family, you should probably not even be friends with him
    second thought. be like "dude. you fucked up. you're LUCKY that i still want to be FRIENDS, much less anything else. if you want to remain friends, you'll respect my wishes and get the point that i don't have feelings for you"
  9. Vandelay Industries
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by lorem_ipsum View Post
    my first thought is, if he's like that in front of his own family, you should probably not even be friends with him
    second thought. be like "dude. you fucked up. you're LUCKY that i still want to be FRIENDS, much less anything else. if you want to remain friends, you'll respect my wishes and get the point that i don't have feelings for you"
    That's a good way to put it.
  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    I'd distance myself from him just based on the feelings he has. The drunk family meal thing is irrelevant to me.



    "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - President Ronald Reagan
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