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Thread: DF's Crazy Family...and restraining order questions...

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    Confused DF's Crazy Family...and restraining order questions...

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    So DF hasn't talked to his parents in years. His mother has a whole series of mental issues...from my counseling/psych background I would not hesitate to say she could easily be committed for her schizophrenic, mood, and personality disorder symptoms. She is fully delusional and obsessive. When she gets into one of her moods she will call him up to 20 times in one night, send as many emails/messages as she can, and send dozens of unwanted cards and gifts within a week's time.

    She is a very vindictive, mean, and all around miserable person. For DF's privacy's sake I will not go into all the horrible things she has said and done to DF and his sibling, but believe me, this goes way beyond "Oh, she's just sick, it's sad, just ignore her".

    Anyway, despite our best efforts, she has gotten ahold of my personal information...facebook/email/knows where I work/etc. For a while she didn't know my last name and wasn't able to contact me, but now I am also getting the harassing messages...they are literally insane and she is so out of touch with reality it is sad. I have her blocked, but as we all know, if someone has your first and last name, they can easily find where you work, go to school, etc. I am worried she she make harassing calls to my work as those phone numbers are listed online and she has a history of doing these things to DF's friends in the past.

    I just needed to vent, but also am asking everyone's opinion...
    I am asking DF to get a restraining order against her this month, he's been meaning to for a while but just never gets around to it as she usually dies down with her behavior after a few weeks, but its just way too much stress right now with his next deployment coming up.

    Anyone else have experiences with restraining orders? Is the process super difficult? What if she breaks it? What are the steps we take? I did contact the Family court office and we have all the technical information, but any personal experiences would be helpful!


  2. eas
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    #2
    I have dealt with them the biggest thing you can do is have a record of everytime she calls you, every single card, every voicemail and every time she see's your or seeks you out in any way! Also they give you a space to write what she has done but dont just use the space their and summarize everything write pages upon pages of very detailed actions. WRITE ALOT!!

    Also the steps you take is go to your local courthouse and they will fill you in on all paperwork and the exact steps to take for your area and if she breaks the restraining order she can be arrested. If the restraining order gets approved then a police officer will serve the order to her house or place of work and once she has been served the order is in effect!!

    Be very sure that this is what you guys want for both of you because once you go through with this you cant take it back, also understand that no matter where you guys go she cannot attend so all family events she cannot be there or show up so make sure that the other family members are aware of the situation and are ok with it because when I had to go through it with an order against my aunt that entire side of the family has not talked to me since and called me a liar and I was only 14 when the order went through. I do not regret my order at all and it expired once I was 18 and I chose not to re-up it but it was an incredibly hard thing to do especially against a family member so make sure your DF is really ok with this!
  3. The Decider
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    Is the process difficult? No. You go down to the courthouse and fill out paperwork. You'll have to wait (usually a while) for the judge to see you. He'll read everything, maybe ask you some questions, and decide whether or not to grant it.

    After that, you get a copy of the order. Sometimes you have to hire a process server to have them served. Sometimes the local cops will do it. Once she is served, the order is in effect.

    If she breaks it after she has been served, notify the cops. She can (and most likely will) be arrested for being in violation of the order.

    I have gotten two - one against my father and one against my ex. If you have any more questions, I'll definitely try to help you as much as I can.

    As eas said, make sure this is a decision both of you are 100% on board with. It sounds like it probably is, but it does have an impact on the people around you / your mutual friends and acquaintances / his family as well. I lost a few friends as a result of the order against my ex last year, which is something that's been pretty difficult for me. My dad and I are on speaking terms now, and it's been more than six years, but my mom still holds it against me on occasion.

    I'm sorry you're having to contemplate this step.
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    Quote Originally Posted by eas View Post
    I have dealt with them the biggest thing you can do is have a record of everytime she calls you, every single card, every voicemail and every time she see's your or seeks you out in any way! Also they give you a space to write what she has done but dont just use the space their and summarize everything write pages upon pages of very detailed actions. WRITE ALOT!!

    Also the steps you take is go to your local courthouse and they will fill you in on all paperwork and the exact steps to take for your area and if she breaks the restraining order she can be arrested. If the restraining order gets approved then a police officer will serve the order to her house or place of work and once she has been served the order is in effect!!

    Be very sure that this is what you guys want for both of you because once you go through with this you cant take it back, also understand that no matter where you guys go she cannot attend so all family events she cannot be there or show up so make sure that the other family members are aware of the situation and are ok with it because when I had to go through it with an order against my aunt that entire side of the family has not talked to me since and called me a liar and I was only 14 when the order went through. I do not regret my order at all and it expired once I was 18 and I chose not to re-up it but it was an incredibly hard thing to do especially against a family member so make sure your DF is really ok with this!
    Thank you SO much, this is exactly the help and advice that I wanted! You really just hit the nail on the head for all of the questions I had! And we are definitely sure, this has been going on for years now with DF and his sister, and now that it is also affecting me, as well as with the stress of his upcoming deployment, we really need to do something to settle it once and for all. And keeping them from family events is exactly what we want, as she has shown up to events in the past and created huge scenes and drama.

    Thank you so much again, hun! It is so frustrating, I'm sorry you had to deal with something similar!
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    You can just go down to the magistrate. If you have all of the info that you need it'll take maybe an hour or two. Make sure you have what you need beforehand--- any and all records, etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brianna Banana View Post
    Is the process difficult? No. You go down to the courthouse and fill out paperwork. You'll have to wait (usually a while) for the judge to see you. He'll read everything, maybe ask you some questions, and decide whether or not to grant it.

    After that, you get a copy of the order. Sometimes you have to hire a process server to have them served. Sometimes the local cops will do it. Once she is served, the order is in effect.

    If she breaks it after she has been served, notify the cops. She can (and most likely will) be arrested for being in violation of the order.

    I have gotten two - one against my father and one against my ex. If you have any more questions, I'll definitely try to help you as much as I can.

    As eas said, make sure this is a decision both of you are 100% on board with. It sounds like it probably is, but it does have an impact on the people around you / your mutual friends and acquaintances / his family as well. I lost a few friends as a result of the order against my ex last year, which is something that's been pretty difficult for me. My dad and I are on speaking terms now, and it's been more than six years, but my mom still holds it against me on occasion.

    I'm sorry you're having to contemplate this step.
    Thank you for your help as well! I'm sorry you had to go through this too! It is tough and when he first talked about getting one against her I had the same knee jerk reaction about 'wow, it's a parent, are you sure?' But after 2 years of dealing with this I totally understand all his resentment and anger towards his parents and fully support getting this over with!


    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    You can just go down to the magistrate. If you have all of the info that you need it'll take maybe an hour or two. Make sure you have what you need beforehand--- any and all records, etc.
    Thank you! It is helpful to know we should have all of this ready when we go in...I will make sure we type up some accurate records to bring in with us!

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