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Thread: Wedding shower - Advice Needed

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    #1

    Wedding shower - Advice Needed

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    One of my oldest friends asked me to be in her wedding () which is in August. We (the bridesmaids) are throwing a couple's shower (aka stock the bar party) in June. I recieved an email from one of the other bridesmaids who wanted to 'organize' the party. The following are our emails to each other. She is in Blue and I am in Red:

    Good morning everyone. Just wanted to touch base with everyone about the couples shower we are all giving them.

    Okay one more thing lets talk about dinner. Andrea has given me the guest list and with everyone bringing a date and all the hosts there are 73 people. We have to feed all these people dinner. I was trying to think of something that won’t be to expensive and difficult. I am going to list what I came up with but please give me you alls input on something different or if we need more things to choose from just whatever.
    Hot Dogs
    Chilli
    Cole Slaw
    Potato Salad
    Pasta Salad
    Chips
    French Onion dip
    Hot Dog Buns
    Ketchup
    Mustard
    Onions
    Napkins
    Paper Plates
    Plastic Silverware
    Cake Squares, Cupcakes, or a cake (I have an associate that could do these for us just not sure which you all would want to do.)

    Please email me back with your input. Everything in this letter is just my input but we are all doing the shower so tell me what ya’ll think.


    (my response)
    I think that sounds great! I would love to meet up with you one day to help pick out decorations/whatever you need. I LOVE doing this kind of stuff, so I'm down for anything!

    Alcohol:
    I have some great ideas for drinks if you wanted to do a 'specialty' drink for the party. It would mainly be for the girls, I'm sure the guys would prefer beer/beam. I just thought it would be pretty to have a big bowl of something fruity, cold, pink and alcoholic. It would match Andi's theme of bright pink perfectly!

    Food:
    I think your food idea is great! Feeding that many people can quickly run into some money, so keeping it simple sounds perfect. I have a few other ideas, too, just to throw them by you in case any of them sound good. A baked potato bar would be very inexpensive and fun, a taco bar could be an idea too. I went to a party once with a 'pasta' bar and it was actually pretty great and very inexpensive. They had four types of pasta, one red sauce/one white, and then all the toppings plus bread and salad. Even just adding hamburgers for those who don't like hot dogs might be an idea. I love to bake so I would be more than happy to bake some cookies/candy to add to the cake.

    Decorations:
    Did you want to stick with the hot pink/black/silver theme? It sounds good to me, I just thought I would ask before I got into the whole searching for cute ideas process. An idea I used for a previous party was to save some wine bottles (red wine preferably, darker bottles), remove the labels, and stick thin candles in them (letting the wax drip) for outside and putting one or two pretty flowers (maybe daisys?) inside. We can get a bouquet of flowers for only $8 at Publix and that would cover about 4 bottles. Are we renting tables/chairs or is there room? I think that Rentzall place in Chapin has that kind of stuff, but I don't know their prices. Maybe we could borrow some of it from her church?

    I'm going to start looking for some more ideas, please let me know what else I can help with!


    (her response)
    All of your ideas sound great but we had already decided on the hotdog deal but everyone does agree that we should do hamburgers also so we are going to add hamburgers to our menu. As far as an alcoholic beverage for everyone we were just planning on doing BYOB for everyone and serving tea, water, and lemonade. With decorations we usually just do flowers or something in the center of the tables at the place we are hosting it. We have had showers here before it is a nice boat shed with a kitchen and all in it. The table and chairs are all taken care of they have had a few weddings at this Lake house. We are trying to keep the shower nice but inexpensive and something we can accomplish on that Saturday since we all work full time jobs and everyone except me have children. I hope all of this is fine with you and I will be emailing you a rough draft of the invitation hopefully sometime this week for everyone to look at and make sure we don't need to make any changes or add anything. Again thanks for all your idea's.


    Ok, so pardon my French, but why in the HELL did she ask for my opinion? She specifically asked for input, yet she has everything planned? It really irks me. I am NOT happy with the way I think the party will turn out. I want it to be nice, and I just don't feel like it will turn out that way. I do NOT want my friend to be disappointed.

    So my question is, what should I say back to her? I'm honestly uncomfortable with all the plans. I've known my friend since middle school and I just don't think she'll be happy with it.
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
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    #2
    Maybe respond and CC your friend with

    Sounds like you have everything under control and planned by yourself. I would really like to be proactive in this but it looks like I'm not wanted. Thanks for doing this for *insert friends name*


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    Quote Originally Posted by SandyKay View Post
    Maybe respond and CC your friend with

    Sounds like you have everything under control and planned by yourself. I would really like to be proactive in this but it looks like I'm not wanted. Thanks for doing this for *insert friends name*
    Thanks for the response, I know it was a ton to read.

    I really would rather not get my friend involved. It's her wedding, and I don't want her to be stressed at all about anything. The more I think about it, the more I think I might email her back telling her that I will be doing _______ (aka decorations/party drink) and if they didn't want to chip in it was fine, but I really think it would add to the party.

    Maybe that would 'guilt' her into doing more?
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Personally, I would probably just e-mail her back and say:

    "Sounds like the planning is moving right along! Let me know if there are any specific things I can do to help. I'm so excited to be doing this for X and Y!"
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by missinghim View Post
    Thanks for the response, I know it was a ton to read.

    I really would rather not get my friend involved. It's her wedding, and I don't want her to be stressed at all about anything. The more I think about it, the more I think I might email her back telling her that I will be doing _______ (aka decorations/party drink) and if they didn't want to chip in it was fine, but I really think it would add to the party.

    Maybe that would 'guilt' her into doing more?
    1. I wouldn't try to guilt this other BM into anything. The last thing you want is BM drama.

    2. I do think it would be a great idea if you emailed her back and said that her plans sound nice and since you aren't really able to help with the planning, you would like to contribute some alcohol (like your pink drink, which I think sounds fun) and some decorations. That you understand everyone is busy and you have time to create those things.

    I wouldn't put it in terms of "if you dont want to chip in that's fine but I know best and I am going to do it my way anyway." That gets a little childish. After all, it IS just a shower and not something your friend is going to remember forever, IMO.
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    #6
    This e-mail, sounds a lot like the Bridesmaids movie...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink2HisCamo View Post
    This e-mail, sounds a lot like the Bridesmaids movie...
    I know. I feel like they think I'm trying to be the 'spoiled, let's spend $5,000 on the party' girl when I'm really not.

    Gah, I hated that movie. Well, except for Melissa McCarthy, she totally made it. The main character annoyed me. I was so disappointed, I thought it would be like the Hangover.
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
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    #8
    I am actually in a similar situation right now except i got an email saying he party was already planned and that it's going to cost way more than I can contribute. I understand you want to make it nice but buying alcohol for 70 people is very expensive. For this shower we are buying 10 bottles of prosecco just for 30 people - not cheap. I think these things always turn out bad when one person starts planning on their own without a good idea of what everyone can contribute or wants to do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkpolkadots View Post
    I am actually in a similar situation right now except i got an email saying he party was already planned and that it's going to cost way more than I can contribute. I understand you want to make it nice but buying alcohol for 70 people is very expensive. For this shower we are buying 10 bottles of prosecco just for 30 people - not cheap. I think these things always turn out bad when one person starts planning on their own without a good idea of what everyone can contribute or wants to do.
    I agree, which is why I was so upset that she feels like the 'planning is done'. While I understand that it can be expensive, it is a stock the bar party. I think that if we don't provide alcohol, people will end up drinking the alcohol they bring for the 'Stock the Bar'.

    I think the reason I'm upset isn't that she shot down one or two of my ideas, but literally all of them. Even the wine bottles as a candle/vase, which would go along with the 'Stock the Bar' theme. That would cost NO money!
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
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    #10
    P.s. don't try to guilt her, people get crazy about stuff like this. One of my other friends in the wedding I'm in told me after she read the email about our shower she had a panic attack threw her phone and un-RSVP'd to the bachelorette. I felt similar! I put my foot down about how much I can spend and if I was guilted into more i would be down right furious.
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