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Thread: Advice needed on the emotional rollercoaster of my first deployment w/my S.O.

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    #1

    Advice needed on the emotional rollercoaster of my first deployment w/my S.O.

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    I am a faithful military girlfriend and my boyfriend has been deployed for 4 months to Afghanistan for the Army. It's my first deployment and his sixth. We met and fell in love within months and were only together for a short time before we found out about this deployment and then had another 6 together before he left. These months since he left have been hard of course but I felt like our communication had actually gotten better and our relationship stronger. I was shocked recently to find out he was confused about his feelings from an external source and yet still tells me he loves me daily/often and talks of a future together.

    I'm wondering if this is something that is normal for deployed soldiers, that if the distance clouds their minds and emotions? I promised to stand by him no matter what and I will keep my promise, I guess I'm just looking for any advice from women who have already been through this. I also wonder how other military girlfriends and wives cope when they get ominous messages from their spouses that say something to the affect of "No matter what happens remember I love you."... I'm going through a hard, emotional time and I was hoping that in a group of this type if anyone else has or is going through a similar emotional rollercoaster.
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    #2

    Advice on how to deal with the emotional rollercoaster...

    I am a faithful military girlfriend and my boyfriend has been deployed for 4 months to Afghanistan for the Army. It's my first deployment and his sixth. We met and fell in love within months, were only together for a short time before we found out about this deployment and had only 6 more months together before he left. These months since he left have been hard of course but I felt like our communication had actually gotten better and our relationship stronger. I was shocked recently to find out from an outside source that he was confused about his feelings for me and yet still tells me he loves me daily/often and talks of a future together.

    I'm wondering if this is something that is normal for deployed soldiers, that if the distance clouds their minds and emotions? I promised to stand by him no matter what and I will keep my promise, I guess I'm just looking for any advice from women who have already been through this.

    I also wonder how other military girlfriends and wives cope when they get ominous messages from their spouses that say something to the affect of "No matter what happens, remember I really love you."... I'm going through a hard, emotional time and I was hoping that in a group of this type if anyone else has or is going through a similar emotional rollercoaster.
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    #3
    My situation is a bit different so I can't say I'd have the best advice. You may want to ask about the situation of hearing from another source of your DB's confused feelings. Give your DB the benefit of the doubt and just talk to him about it.
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    I did ask him and of course he got defensive... but swears that when he was talking to this person that he was just venting and has constantly reassured me of his feelings since. I guess being so far apart can lead to mixed emotions and confusion. We both slacked off from maintaining the long-distance romance and passion for the last month or two... and we're both trying to work on that again. Plus mid-leave is coming soon so I'm hoping that's what we need to get back on track.

    I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced similar confusion.

    Plus, I'm worried right now... I have a feeling he's not really in a safe place at the moment. Stress stress stress.
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    #5
    I don't know if it's normal or not, but you have to remind yourself of the stress and dangers that your loved one has to face on a daily basis being deployed in a hostile area. Sometimes, I think that the stress and pressure of being in such an environment takes a toll on them and it may affect how they act or what they say sometimes. As a faithful, strong, and loving girlfriend, you are doing the right thing in being very supportive and letting your DB know how much you stand behind him and love him all the way. I think that him knowing that is what gives him the strength to make it through the day.

    Deployments are not easy, but just remember to stay strong and surround yourself with love and support from your friends and family. You also have wonderful people and friends on MSOS who will help you count down the days until you're reunited with your DB!
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    I have definitely been trying to keep in mind the extreme pressures and stress he's under. It just seemed so odd and contradictory to his behavior to have said such things. I wasn't sure if I was missing something. Thank you for replying to my thread, this reassures me that I'm doing the right thing in remaining loyal & supportive rather than reacting negatively..

    I'm truly hoping that mid-leave will bring us even closer.

    Thanks again!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by amandarae View Post
    I am a faithful military girlfriend and my boyfriend has been deployed for 4 months to Afghanistan for the Army. It's my first deployment and his sixth. We met and fell in love within months and were only together for a short time before we found out about this deployment and then had another 6 together before he left. These months since he left have been hard of course but I felt like our communication had actually gotten better and our relationship stronger. I was shocked recently to find out he was confused about his feelings from an external source and yet still tells me he loves me daily/often and talks of a future together.

    I'm wondering if this is something that is normal for deployed soldiers, that if the distance clouds their minds and emotions? I promised to stand by him no matter what and I will keep my promise, I guess I'm just looking for any advice from women who have already been through this. I also wonder how other military girlfriends and wives cope when they get ominous messages from their spouses that say something to the affect of "No matter what happens remember I love you."... I'm going through a hard, emotional time and I was hoping that in a group of this type if anyone else has or is going through a similar emotional rollercoaster.
    Exactly what "external source" are you getting your information from and to what extent do you trust this source?
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    #8
    I wouldn't exactly say it's normal... If my husband was ever "confused" about his feelings for me, then I would be re-evaluating my marriage.

    Have you talked to him about what brought this up?

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #9
    i think that it not only is a deployment thing, but also a new relationship thing. You say that you had only been together for a few months before he deployed, and while yes that is sufficient time to form a strong bond and strong feelings, it is still new and can cause people on both sides to really evaluate if they want this relationship long term. It sounds like he is just thinking outloud to his friends about his feelings, which i do not think is bad. It helps him sort out his thoughts. I think we all do/did that when things started to get serious in a relationship. As far as the "no matter what happens i love you" he is just assuring that you know how he feels about you, and it shows he is not taking his time for granted. He doesn't want to wait until "tomorrow" to tell you, he wants to tell you today just in case.

    I say focus on planning fun activities to do for his upcoming R & R leave, and email and talk about that when he is able to call/email next to keep things upbeat and provide something to look forward to. And send him fun care packages if you can to help him smile and destress.
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    #10
    i think that it not only is a deployment thing, but also a new relationship thing. You say that you had only been together for a few months before he deployed, and while yes that is sufficient time to form a strong bond and strong feelings, it is still new and can cause people on both sides to really evaluate if they want this relationship long term. It sounds like he is just thinking outloud to his friends about his feelings, which i do not think is bad. It helps him sort out his thoughts. I think we all do/did that when things started to get serious in a relationship. As far as the "no matter what happens i love you" he is just assuring that you know how he feels about you, and it shows he is not taking his time for granted. He doesn't want to wait until "tomorrow" to tell you, he wants to tell you today just in case.

    I say focus on planning fun activities to do for his upcoming R & R leave, and email and talk about that when he is able to call/email next to keep things upbeat and provide something to look forward to. And send him fun care packages if you can to help him smile and destress.
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