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Thread: friend possibly in an abusive relationship

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
    KrazyKatLady.'s Avatar
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    #1

    Help friend possibly in an abusive relationship

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    a girl in my bio lab group "Katie" and I were talking last week about the military and what not and I told her about MSOS. (her hubby is Army) and she said she would think about it. we kept talking about it and she said one of the biggest challenges is raising her baby on her own pretty much. I said well that's the great thing you can meet other army mommies and have playdates and talk and stuff. She said she didn't know because first she said she was shy then she said she would have to talk to her hubby about it I asked why and she hesitantly told me he doesn't like her going out and doing stuff with people he doesn't know. so he would have to meet them first and tell her if it was ok with him then layer after class I asked if he was controlling in a bad way and she said well...he just...he loves me and wants to protect me

    this has been weighing heavy on my heart. I know its honestly really not my business but I can't help but think that she may be looking for help or a way out should I ask more questions to find out if it is a bad controlling or just let her be?



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    #2
    How well do you know her?

    I would worry that asking too many questions would make her shut down or clam up.

    If that's the only information you have I would be hesitant to act.
  3. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #3
    I honestly don't know where you got abusive out of it... DH wouldn't like me going out to meet strangers without him meeting them first.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #4
    That must really be tough
    I guess from what I know, you can't really help her if she doesn't ask for or want help, but definitely still be there for her.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Rissa*Rawr View Post
    I honestly don't know where you got abusive out of it... DH wouldn't like me going out to meet strangers without him meeting them first.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    abuse is more than physical. and just the fact that she didn't seem ok with it bothered me



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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Rissa*Rawr View Post
    I honestly don't know where you got abusive out of it... DH wouldn't like me going out to meet strangers without him meeting them first.
    Your husband has to meet and approve of people before you're allowed to hang out with them?
  8. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #8
    That definitely seems a bit odd to me. It never occurred to me to have DH pre-screen anyone that I might make friends with. That's something I handle on my own, I dunno I would be kind of offended if he did that, I'm an adult and I can decide if I want to make friends or not.

    Maybe that's just their thing, or maybe it is his way of controlling her, it is hard to say. I wouldn't push her on it though, just be there for her and maybe keep an eye out for any other red flags.
  9. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveMySailor1007 View Post
    abuse is more than physical. and just the fact that she didn't seem ok with it bothered me
    I'm well aware of that. I've been in an abusive relationship. I just don't see how you would jump to that conclusion.
    Her not being okay with going out to meet people she didn't know bothered you? I can't understand that...

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
  10. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Your husband has to meet and approve of people before you're allowed to hang out with them?
    No, but he's not going to be okay with me going out with people I've never met before.
    And if he met them & something seemed sketchy, he would let me know.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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