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Thread: I need help/feedback (long) -

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    #1

    I need help/feedback (long) -

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    DB and I had been 4 month together in a very intense relationship before his first deployment. We practically were living together. Me: a full time student in a very stable financial situation, with my own car and living solo. DB: well, he is a soldier. Period. Also this is my first deployment to cope with. We was expecting this deployment to march, but comes in January (ADVON ?) he don’t told me why. Anyway, I was thinking that was easy, just a trip right there and done, but soon I drop him at post my world turns down and everything has been like I have reading here: pale sense of humor, slight depressed, glued at the phone, emails, packages, i love u, I miss and so on.
    Before he leaves he gave me his address, however he said that was a temporary address. But I sent a care package full of snacks; almost two month later they returned as REFUSED from Oklahoma. DB told me that they do not receive any mail to temporary address. I dropped when I got that refused package
    Four weeks ago he gave me another address and ask for an iPad, which I sent promptly and he got it already in two weeks.. Latter we were texting and then he send something like: - I can share a girl with you. - I didn't like what he said. This echoes in my ears that he was opening our relationship and days later, at 2 month congrats email, I throw something like - I suggest open our relationship than u can see if u still want me.
    He get mad, really mad. He said this is not funny, and if I do not doing well here do not throw at him - Than he writes our prohibit word (whatever). He called, I don’t take this again.-- I know his voice. He changed. He talked to me like he was talking with that military tone that he does. And no call today- he have been calling everyday almost since he's gone.

    What's going on here? I have been coping with this deployment alone. Everything I have to learn I found here and at google. Things like how to package, what to say on the phone, emotions, grief, positive, depression, life and death.Everything by myself. I don't have any military wife girlfriend here and iI never know if I am doing the things right. And DB don't look at it this: he call anytime he wants, it means 2 am. He wanna video sex. He said the others military wifes make super-production video what I don't. Because I don't have time for that since I do Full Time College and I need to work and he doesn’t help with a single penny here at home. Where is the money from iPad? He said they do not have a western union or something there. Than I find a doc in my pc about his divorce days before fly off: so he was married?
    I'm worried that have living the big waste of time in my life. Deployments are really hard, no kidding. I am super alone because he does not allow me be part of FRG. I am suffering all kind of turbulence: depression, anxious, clingy, bad humor, anger. Be connected with him, be his girlfriend, while he deployed it being a high-maintance process both emotionally and financially.
    There are some red flags here? I cannot see nothing, I'm blind is this relation. Please give me a light here. Help.
    Last edited by Palakila; 03-22-2012 at 12:10 AM. Reason: Was a freewriting.
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    #2
    My post is so awful that nobody can help? Or should I post about clothes in the floor, or he don't down the toilet and amenities like that only?
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    #3
    You're post is just hard to understand, I'm sorry you aren't getting the help you hoped for. It sounds to me like you're being used. I'd be wary of his intentions..
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Palakila View Post
    My post is so awful that nobody can help? Or should I post about clothes in the floor, or he don't down the toilet and amenities like that only?
    No, I was just reading your post I didn't see it, but you don't need to be snarky.

    I'm sorry that you're going through this, but yes. I'm sorry, since you're asking, there are some huge red flags to me. Just because he's deployed doesn't mean he can't get money to you. Asking you to send him an Ipad is a lot of money to ask of someone you havne't been dating that long (sorry, but I would be irked if my DF asked me to send him one without giving me the money up front).

    If he was married and didn't tell you anything about it, there is another.

    He needs to realize you have a life too, and not call at 2am all the time; if that's the ONLY time he has to call and you haven't talked in awhile, that's one thing. But routinely calling you in the middle of the night? My fiance doesn't do that because he knows how busy my schedule is.

    And he should NOT be pressuring you for a sex video if you're not comfortable with it.
    Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like a boss.

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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ~*Krys*~ View Post
    No, I was just reading your post I didn't see it, but you don't need to be snarky.

    I'm sorry that you're going through this, but yes. I'm sorry, since you're asking, there are some huge red flags to me. Just because he's deployed doesn't mean he can't get money to you. Asking you to send him an Ipad is a lot of money to ask of someone you havne't been dating that long (sorry, but I would be irked if my DF asked me to send him one without giving me the money up front).

    If he was married and didn't tell you anything about it, there is another.

    He needs to realize you have a life too, and not call at 2am all the time; if that's the ONLY time he has to call and you haven't talked in awhile, that's one thing. But routinely calling you in the middle of the night? My fiance doesn't do that because he knows how busy my schedule is.

    And he should NOT be pressuring you for a sex video if you're not comfortable with it.


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    #6
    I cant really understand your post that well. But from what I was able to get out of it he sounds like hes using you....and no one deserves to sit around pining away for a man that doesn't value your worth. And sometimes it takes a little bit for members to respond to your post. Its not always instant responses
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by christyxlynn View Post
    You're post is just hard to understand, I'm sorry you aren't getting the help you hoped for. It sounds to me like you're being used. I'd be wary of his intentions..
    Yeah, sorry if it is hard to understand.. because finally I get courage to split it out this things. It's a kind of freewriting
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Palakila View Post
    Yeah, sorry if it is hard to understand.. because finally I get courage to split it out this things. It's a kind of freewriting
    Maybe try to reword/organize your thoughts a little better? I know there was more in there to help you with/offer opinions, but what I commented on was about all I could understand. Sorry.
    Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like a boss.

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    #9
    It sounds like he's taking advantage of your generosity and not respecting your wishes.

    So you sent him a care package and he returned it to you but kept the iPad you sent him?
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    #10
    This thread was really hard to understand but he suggested having an open relationship but when YOU suggest it, he gets mad? and you think he might have been married?? Sounds really complicated. I would keep my guard up.
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