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Thread: father issues

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    #1

    Confused father issues

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    I am so torn on how to live my own life but keep my Dad happy too...

    My father is a Preacher. So I have always been held to a high standard. I have always had to be as perfect as I can be to make sure that nothing that I did came back poorly on him.

    He now has his own church and has to be even more careful.

    I am almost 22. I do live with them and I understand it is his house his rules.

    I just don't know how i can live my life the way I want and yet still be on his good side and the daughter he wants me to be.

    I see nothing wrong with me staying at my SO's house (while his parents are home.) WE SLEEP IN DIFFERENT ROOMS!! But my dad sees it as well who is watching...

    He tells me it doesnt matter what the world thinks. But then when i ask to do something he tells me i can't because of everyone who is watching him...

    I am trying to find the words to use to even put my question into a sentence...

    i am just lost. i dont know how to live a life that I want without hurting his feelings or going behind his back.
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    #2
    Sorry you are having trouble. My only advice to you would be to move out on your own and then you will be able live how you want to live.





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    #3
    move out


    I mean this in the nicest way, I just recently moved back in with my parents (although I do pay a bit of rent, for costal san diego, it is HIGHLY subsidized), and living under their roof means living under their rules. It stinks I know, but its the same as having roomies and a land lord, although you can technically do what you want, haveing an SO over EVERY night might piss off one, etc etc.


    im sorry its so hard
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    #4
    That's a hard situation to be in because your dad is in a spotlight. You're not doing anything wrong by staying at your SO's house IMO. I think with some things you just have to live your life, and not worry about what people think. I know that's hard considering its your dad, but you have to think about your happiness too. I'd move out.


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    #5
    I know exactly how you feel, as you know, and I still haven't found a solution. If you can't be completely financially independent, but want to have the freedoms of a normal 22 year old, it's really hard Heck, I'm almost 25 and can't even say I'm completely financially independent... I still worry what my parents will think if I do something they don't like, even though I've moved out.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by KickDrumHeart View Post
    I know exactly how you feel, as you know, and I still haven't found a solution. If you can't be completely financially independent, but want to have the freedoms of a normal 22 year old, it's really hard Heck, I'm almost 25 and can't even say I'm completely financially independent... I still worry what my parents will think if I do something they don't like, even though I've moved out.
    I live under my moms roof, I've only ever lived away from her once and even then I worried about things I did because I didn't want to upset her. It's a tough thing to deal with, but if you can, I'd move out. You might still worry about the things you do, but then at least you can have more freedom. You just have to try to live for yourself and the people who really care will support you. They don't have to like what you do, just support you in your decisions.

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    #7
    Hard situation. Like others said you can move out but I know for some that isn't an option for finacial reasons. And it is his house. With that said you're an adult so you can make your own decisions. I know you don't want to do anything to reflect "poorly" on him but at the same time don't you want to live your life making the decisions for yourself? When I was 18 and still lived at home I would say I was going to spend the night at a girlfriends house and go hang out with my boyfriend. I don't always follow the rules though.

    I say live your life the way you want to (but still follow a majority of his rules) because in the end he will always love you. He is your dad after all
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    #8
    I wasn't allowed to stay with my SO until we were married.... I did. But my mom didn't know it.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    That's a hard situation to be in because your dad is in a spotlight. You're not doing anything wrong by staying at your SO's house IMO. I think with some things you just have to live your life, and not worry about what people think. I know that's hard considering its your dad, but you have to think about your happiness too. I'd move out.


    Your dad is in the spotlight, people have a certain expectation of how he should behave and how he should run his household. And while you may be an adult in age, the perception is going to be that you are his child living under his roof and therefore still under his moral influence.

    I think the others are right, the way to live your life without negatively affecting him so to well ... live your life. In your own place. It sucks, I moved back home after my divorce and my parents had house rules, and it really chapped my ass to follow them at age 28. But I used it as motivation to get prepared to start living on my own again.

    Good luck. I'm sure it isn't easy for either of you.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Solstice View Post
    Sorry you are having trouble. My only advice to you would be to move out on your own and then you will be able live how you want to live.
    i still cant afford it. part of the reason i moved back in was because of money issues with me being in nursing school i cant work. but C and I are working on saving every penny that we can to get our own place and get married so we dont have to worry about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by WiggleWiggle~ View Post
    move out


    I mean this in the nicest way, I just recently moved back in with my parents (although I do pay a bit of rent, for costal san diego, it is HIGHLY subsidized), and living under their roof means living under their rules. It stinks I know, but its the same as having roomies and a land lord, although you can technically do what you want, haveing an SO over EVERY night might piss off one, etc etc.


    im sorry its so hard
    thanks. i dont pay rent but i do all the cleaning and the cooking for the most part. which they didnt ask for i do because i am 22 and still living here. thats the part that is really getting me right now. here i can't even have C in my room with the door open. i mean really? i think i am just tired of being treated like a child in so many ways. and i think i am just going to have to put on my big girl panties and get over it. nothing i can really do about it for now i guess...

    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    That's a hard situation to be in because your dad is in a spotlight. You're not doing anything wrong by staying at your SO's house IMO. I think with some things you just have to live your life, and not worry about what people think. I know that's hard considering its your dad, but you have to think about your happiness too. I'd move out.
    i got the "you can do what you want" spill last night. but i know with him that means you can do it but i wont speak to you for days and there will be "repercussions" even when he says there want be.


    Quote Originally Posted by KickDrumHeart View Post
    I know exactly how you feel, as you know, and I still haven't found a solution. If you can't be completely financially independent, but want to have the freedoms of a normal 22 year old, it's really hard Heck, I'm almost 25 and can't even say I'm completely financially independent... I still worry what my parents will think if I do something they don't like, even though I've moved out.
    i have done told you woman move here and we will live together.
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