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Thread: Matchbox's Kitchen - Ask The Pro

  1. Plays with knives
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    #81
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    Oops, double post! How can I get rid of it?
    Accensum qui pedicat urit mentulam.
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    #82
    Quote Originally Posted by Matchbox View Post
    Oops, double post! How can I get rid of it?
    Just like that! And yes. But only lasted one day behind the line. Fat and messy does not work.
    Then 11 years of bartending waiting, etc. Owned a bar for a few years. But absolutely no comparison in knife usage. I may spend 30 minutes total a day with the knife in hand. Your's rarely leaves your hand. Except when its being thrown at the waiter who came in to confirm his ticket which said "filet...well, no butterfly...make sure its not dried out this time.or dried out, Heinz 57 on the side.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  3. Plays with knives
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    Just like that! And yes. But only lasted one day behind the line. Fat and messy does not work.
    Then 11 years of bartending waiting, etc. Owned a bar for a few years. But absolutely no comparison in knife usage. I may spend 30 minutes total a day with the knife in hand. Your's rarely leaves your hand. Except when its being thrown at the waiter who came in to confirm his ticket which said "filet...well, no butterfly...make sure its not dried out this time.or dried out, Heinz 57 on the side.
    Why would I throw knives when I could throw a really disgusting filthy used kitchen towel? I VALUE my knives!

    Notably more than the waiter, anyway.

    In all seriousness, I'd struggle to do what front of house do. Physically my job may be harder than theirs (I know back pulls far more hours than front, and it's a lot hotter on this side of the pass!) but mentally...back here in the kitchen, I'm somewhat insulated from the stupidity of the customer. The wait staff aren't, and sometimes I marvel at their patience.

    I only pretend to hate the bastards. In reality I don't know how they do it. I'd go mad in a week.




    Also...do you want to make me cry? Ketchup on a good steak is how you make me cry. Do whatever you want to do with a shit steak, but the good ones deserve better than Heinz hell.
    Accensum qui pedicat urit mentulam.
  4. Plays with knives
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    #84
    I previously linked How To Cow.

    Now it's time for How To Pig.



    As always, there are multiple ways of breaking a carcass up for meat cuts. This isn't necessarily the way I like to do it...but damn if it's not a great demonstration of technique.

    Also, his glove is a lot less blatantly chainmail than mine. I have to get one of those!
    Accensum qui pedicat urit mentulam.
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    #85
    Quote Originally Posted by Matchbox View Post
    I previously linked How To Cow.

    Now it's time for How To Pig.



    As always, there are multiple ways of breaking a carcass up for meat cuts. This isn't necessarily the way I like to do it...but damn if it's not a great demonstration of technique.

    Also, his glove is a lot less blatantly chainmail than mine. I have to get one of those!
    But you look hot in chainmail!

    So what are your favorite food,\restaurant movies?
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  6. Plays with knives
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    #86
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    But you look hot in chainmail!

    So what are your favorite food,\restaurant movies?
    As much as I hate to ruin a nice fantasy...you were told it's not a bikini, right? You'll have to go back to Dungeons and Dragons for a chainmail bikini




    Ratatouille is one of the good ones, surprisingly. Apart from vaguely hating Linguini for what will inevitably happen to the restaurant and everyone who works in it (ESPECIALLY Colette, she's damned forever because of her relationship with Linguini...everyone would assume that she got her position only because she was fucking him, and then when Remy dies in eight months and the restaurant suddenly runs off the edge of a cliff, her professional reputation is gone) I quite enjoy it. In a simplified, child-friendly way, it gets a lot of things right, all the way down to the pattern of old burns on character's forearms and the fact that at least half of them are wearing whites that don't fit.

    (As a side note, my four year old son is beyond heartbroken that he has never met "my" Remy. This movie singlehandedly convinced both him and his older brother that when I go to work, I team up with a rat! I can't convince either of them otherwise!)


    Jiro Dreams of Sushi is a documentary about possibly the greatest sushi chef on earth. I find sushi incredibly soothing as a concept (it's so simple in theory, but in practice takes immense skill) so I watch this a lot. Kings of Pastry is another good documentary that spends the whole time following contestants through one of the most prestigious patisserie competitions in the world; I watch this one in the full knowledge that I was always really fucking terrible with pastry and could do roughly 0.0001% of what they do!

    Chef with Jon Favreau does a decent job of the industry from the inside. Tony Bourdain loved it, which is not at all surprising because you can see the stamp of his own books and work all over it.

    Big Night may be enjoyable for you. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover would also be worth investigating.

    Eat Drink Man Woman is less about "chefs" than about "food", but as a love letter to food it's brilliant. Like Water For Chocolate also falls into this category (if you want to see how much power food has, watch that film; the book is also good, I read it recently), as does Chocolat, Tampopo or Babette's Feast. These are the films we have to watch for love of the food itself. They make it beautiful.

    There is one more category...the crass, the disgusting, the epic and the hilarious. Delicatessen is one such (I should probably hate myself for enjoying that movie as much as I do), but the standout film there is La Grande Bouffe, which can be summed up fairly simply as "four people lock themselves away for the express purpose of eating themselves to death". I've never seen anything else like it. It's completely revolting, but also oddly impressive, and funny in the worst/best way. A room full of cooks, all drunk and watching it together, tends to veer between "This is ART!" and "this is some severely fucked up snuff porn..."

    I did genuinely enjoy Julie & Julia, but I liked it much more when I saw an edited cut with no Julie. Julie was boring. Why there is no film that's exclusively 100% Julia Child being amazing, I will never know.

    Avoid Burnt at all costs. I regret ever seeing that abortion of a film.
    Accensum qui pedicat urit mentulam.
  7. Plays with knives
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    #87
    One fine day in the late first century, a Roman baker started his morning's work - for lack of another name let's call him Marcus. He was an extremely busy and important man, one of no less than thirty-three like him in town; milling flour and baking bread were possibly the most tightly regulated jobs in the Roman world, and for good reason since all citizens, freedmen and slaves were entitled to a daily allowance of some staple grain. Usually this was handled in the form of bread, which HAD to be made to particular specifications before being supplied at a fixed affordable rate, or occasionally it would be distributed free. Most of the history of the Roman Republic and the later Empire can essentially be reduced to "something went wrong with the grain supply, therefore things happened"!

    In simple terms, it takes surprisingly few missed meals to make a city murderously angry. The mere threat of missed meals can be enough for that. Steady food supplies (grain supplies most of all) were therefore a major concern, and they needed a lot of bakers to turn that raw material into something people could eat. Hence, Marcus.

    Marcus the Baker went to work. Then he died, along with all of the people he knew, because this was the late first century, he was in Pompeii/Herculaneum and this was unfortunately the day that Vesuvius exploded. Goodbye Marcus.

    Some 1900 years later, in around 1930, someone involved in an archaeological dig at the site finally opened the oven door...

    They found this.



    This is an almost perfect Roman loaf, probably (given the area...different regions had access to different crops, so elsewhere it could just as easily be rye or buckwheat) wheat/spelt or barley sourdough. The stamp in it is an identifying mark, used to designate either the baker himself (so he could be found and punished if it turned out he was selling bread that was underweight, made with bad flour or had something else wrong with it...bread stamps as a mark of quality were mandatory for over a millennium after this date, and only really disappeared in the early 1800s!), bread made and put aside for specific religious/civic purposes rather than being made to sell normally, or to identify bread belonging to customers he had rented out space in his oven to. Most of his customers would not have had their own ovens, and would have taken their grain allowance directly to the baker to be ground (there were corpses of mules found by most bakeries in the two towns, kept in harness to power a grinding wheel) and used, or else used it to start a very basic dough at home before bringing it to him to knead, proof and bake. In this case, the stamp says this bread was for "Celer, slave of Q.[uintus] Granius Verus".

    We know that Celer was not the baker, because by law Roman bakers were freedmen or citizens only. He ("Celer" means "swift", no wonder they sent him if he was known as a fast runner!) would have been sent to deliver and then collect that day's bread for his master's household, which makes THIS the point where I wish I could identify what it was. If it's wheat or spelt bread it was for Verus himself; barley was cheaper and considered lower quality, fed to slaves like Celer or (as a kind of hardtack called bucellatum...I've had a reconstructed version, it's rough as guts and I nearly chipped a tooth!) soldiers in the legions.

    The line around the base is where a piece of string once was. Bread was baked with a string tied around it, both as a way of guaranteeing more or less uniform size and shape (if every piece of string is the same length [say the length of Marcus' own forearm from elbow to fingertip] then the loaves are the same size every time without the need for baking tins, since the bread can only expand so much/in so many directions before the string contains it) and so the customer had an easy way of carrying their purchase home.

    Some of this, we only know because the British Museum asked for help recreating it. They called in Giorgio Locatelli to get his hands dirty

    Accensum qui pedicat urit mentulam.
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