How can I help my friend?

[Kara]

My friend is an amazingly strong woman. She's been through hell and back in her life, and she's still the sweetest girl I have ever met. She's been with her boyfriend for years, remained with him and faithful during his 1.5 year deployment in Iraq. He got home from Iraq about a year ago, and they've been living together ever since, doing great.

She found out last night he cheated on her, she confronted him about her, and he admitted to it. I still can't believe it, he's Mike's best friend--he(or so I thought) was the best guy I know besides Mike. This isn't him, he's not a liar, not a cheater. But still, he cheated and nobody can erase that.

What can I say to her? Usually I'd just say "Leave the bastard, what an ass!" But seriously, this type of behavior isn't him. Has anyone ever heard of men coming back from a tour in Iraq and loosing who they are? I'm convinced he has PTSD, but he will not go and get help. I really want to believe that he didn't do this to her.

Any input would be great. I know most of you are thinking..why the hell does she care? But these people are Mike and my best friends. And they are truly amazing individuals. I just pray they can make it through.

[Emberlynn]

All you can really do is be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on and maybe cry with her. Good Luck girl

[redhd21]

ers for you!! I don't have any advice, but I hope you can help her and that everything turns out alright!

well, i dont know what to say to give her advice..if it was me id ask him if he still wants to be together then id forgive but not forget..hmm..when my husband came back from his tour we argued alot and he didnt seem the same..he treated me mean for a few days and idk why he was doing that..but when i finally reunited with him he went back to being the way he was..nice and everything..i guess when they come back its hard for them to adjust to being back to civilian life and all that..so..she should just give it awhile but if he does it again "leave his butt."

[Kara]

I'm pretty sure it was a one-time thing. It wasn't an ongoing thing. Not that it makes it any better, but I don't know. I just want to believe he's not that type of guy. He's been a brother to me.

[*Realized*]

Just be there for her if she needs you. Lend a shoulder for her when she needs it.

[Valkyrie]

What leads to cheating is not always sex.
Thy should try counseling.

I would say just to be there for her the best you can, and just be an ear for her to talk too..

[girl20racer]

I'm sorry kara, I don't really know.. b/c my first response is what you said. Big to her.. just offer her support I think and be the good friend that you are..

[hteew]

I have a 2 friends going through very hard situations with their relationships. I have very strong opinions on both situations and I am really close to both friends. What I have found universal is that neither one of them really want or need my opinion, they just want someone to listen and comfort them. They repeat the same things over and over mostly trying to rationalize things or change things that just don't change. I check in on them every day or two. I send them flowers or a card when I know they are having a really hard day. Sometimes I ask them if they want to go have a meal out somewhere just to get them away from the house.

Just be a good friend to her and you will be really amazed how much better she will feel just having someone care about her. I hope she gets through this.