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| PTSD A support forum for anyone whose loved one is suffering with PTSD or having problems with family reintegration post-deployment. |
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08-20-2007, 06:03 PM
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#1 (permalink) | |
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Sophisticated Redneck
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He finally talked to me about stuff...
If anyone has a husband they could ask about this for me, I'd appreciate it.
He's been home for about a month now... He told me last night that he still not home.. Does that make sense? He still hasn't unpacked his things, his duffel bags and backpacks are still on the bedroom floor.. He hasn't touched the things that came in the shipping containers either.. I asked him why.. He said that he doesn't want to unpack it, because he keeps thinking that they are going to call him and tell him to come pick up new deployment orders, then he'll just have to pack everything back up again.. He thinks he's going to go back, but he's not--- He told me that over the last 22 months, he never thought about home, and he never thought about me. Okay, that's fine.... If that made it easier for him to deal with the suck, then it's not gonna hurt my feelings... I suppose he did what he had to do to stay mentally strong.. So he's spent the last 22 months not basically denying that I existed back home... Okay, doesn't hurt my feelings.. However..... Now that he's back (physically) he has to change his state of mind from "desert" to "Minnesota".. And he said that he can't. He said that the realization of where he is, is to surreal and bizarre... He has to get his mind back in  I have a wife and stepson who have thought about me everyday while I've forgotten them mode...It occours to me that as of right now, he doesn't feel the same way about us as we do about him.... Meaning, we love him more then he loves us... He's still in a state of apathy regarding his family.. Don't get me wrong, he still loves us, he still loves me, he still  ...So, I understand that there's NOTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD I can do to "fix him"... I'm frustrated, I feel helpless, and I feel like my hands are tied, and there's nothing that I can do to make him care except stand back and give him his space.. I feel like I have to be the silient subsurvient wife.. Patient...Quiet...Understanding....Tolerant....Forgiving.....Composed...Complacient........ Alot of the time, he wants to be left alone.. He's been spending a couple nights a week at our townhome.. Which is fine.. I can understand that he wants to ease into things.. It's not like he's out at the bars with sluts or anything, so I'm fine with that... I understand he hasn't had privacy for almost 2 years... He's being alone, watching movies, pooping with the door open, falling asleep on the couch.. But when is he going to come home??? When will his mind come back???
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08-20-2007, 06:05 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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MilitarySOS Jewel
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Yongsan Army Garrison-Seoul, South Korea
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OH wow.. I'm so sorry sweetie, at least you finally got it out of him, even though it's nothing that you wanted to hear I'm sure..
 I really hope things can get better.. I don't really know what to say.. even if I were in your position.. I'd just be at a loss.. 
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 "To disagree with me is your human right. To argue with me just because you think you are right and want to see me wrong makes you legally retarded."
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08-20-2007, 06:08 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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:)
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Oh man! I have never experienced anything like that so I can't pretend to have any advice for you. All I can offer is some internet hugs & positive thoughts!
I've been away from the board for a few months so if you have already answered this, sorry in advance. Is he seeing someone about PTSD/depression? If not, I'd get him an appointment ASAP. It sounds to me like you might be doing the right things as far as not pressuring him, giving him his space, etc. That's great! Please keep us updated! |
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08-20-2007, 06:11 PM
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Sophisticated Redneck
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I don't think it's reached the point of PTSD yet, it's just adjustment as of right now.. He was in Iraq for a LOOOOONG time.. The longest deployment of OIF as of yet.. We are going to have the first meeting of our 30-60-90 reintegration in about a month.. I called my brother tonight and talked to him for about 10 minutes, he said that he never unpacked his stuff for 5 months... My brother said it's normal, and everything is okay.. He kept telling me that over and over... "It's okay, it's normal, don't worry, it's fine, it's normal." But it's frustrating....
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08-20-2007, 06:20 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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It took awhile to see the beauty of just letting go
 Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Im in Clearwater Beach, FL.
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MMM kay' So I talked to DF, he said if it were *him* and being that he's been through it.. Your DH has spent years, literally with his BB and his PLT. Thats who he dedicated his life to. Trusted his life too.
He said your DH should consider counseling, seriously consider it. And that you should go with him. Not sit in the room, but even out in the waiting room.. so he knows your there to support him. He said this "He loves his wife, but that isnt who was saving his ass for the last two years." That made sense to me. I  If this helps AT ALL, just wanted to give you a man whos been in the same shoe's POV. I hope things improve, and he gets some help so you all can start living the rest of your life. YOU deserve it and so does your DS.   --Every form of hug 
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08-20-2007, 06:30 PM
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#7 (permalink) |
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Account Closed
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I don't really have any advice for you and I asked my dh. He said that he can't really give any good advice either b/c his longest deployment was 8 months nowhere near 2 years. I can only tell you what I think I would do in that situation and I would probably push for counseling.
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08-20-2007, 06:30 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Little Rock Air Force Base, Arkansas
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Oh that sucks hun!!! I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I agreed with Tiff-you should see if you can get him an appointment at mental health or something. Even if he's just coping with being back(everyone does it their own way) it might help if he spoke to someone about it. And if it doesn't, then at least you know you tried! But you're doing a great job of being understanding and supportive. If you can, I'd also just try to keep talking to him about everyday things and try to include him in even the smallest things-that really helps DH get beck into the swing of things. He still likes his alone time, but he'll golf or something and then go with me to just get gas or get my haircut. Good luck hun and PM me if you need anything!
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08-20-2007, 07:00 PM
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#10 (permalink) |
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♥ my wify navygirl8407
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