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Thread: PTSD and sex/intimacy

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    PTSD and sex/intimacy

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    If this thread isn't allowed I understand, I'll keep it as appropriate as possible.
    I just realized theirs a section for ptsd and I've been wanting to talk to someone anyone about an issue my fiance and I have had through out our relationship. I know he has PTSD, been diagnosed, it really didn't have to take a professional to figure it out though, Anyways, we have had problems with our lack of activity in the bedroom. He doesn't seem to have much of a sex drive. I have done everything from the cosmo magazines, sex therapy books, toys, porn in front of him and it doesn't really do much for him. In the moment yeah but 2 weeks later he still doesn't initiate anything. Throughout the 3 years we've been together, he has watched porn atleast every other day. It seems to really get him going and he's always more than willing to turn down a bj or me trying to "get it" from him just to go to the bathroom to rub one out to some porn. This is the even weirder part....He's a little bit of a racist. He hates being out among huge crowds, I'm sure a lot of you spouses see that in your soldiers or SO with PTSD. The same races that hes hateful about (mind you, he doesn't really broadcast his views to everyone) he watches on the porn sites. I don't get it. He was married to a woman of one of the races he rants about and doesn't like. Their marriage was a huge fail, they were both miserable and it ended badly. Does anyone have experience around this area? Any advice in this area?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by myred40 View Post
    If this thread isn't allowed I understand, I'll keep it as appropriate as possible.
    I just realized theirs a section for ptsd and I've been wanting to talk to someone anyone about an issue my fiance and I have had through out our relationship. I know he has PTSD, been diagnosed, it really didn't have to take a professional to figure it out though, Anyways, we have had problems with our lack of activity in the bedroom. He doesn't seem to have much of a sex drive. I have done everything from the cosmo magazines, sex therapy books, toys, porn in front of him and it doesn't really do much for him. In the moment yeah but 2 weeks later he still doesn't initiate anything. Throughout the 3 years we've been together, he has watched porn atleast every other day. It seems to really get him going and he's always more than willing to turn down a bj or me trying to "get it" from him just to go to the bathroom to rub one out to some porn. This is the even weirder part....He's a little bit of a racist. He hates being out among huge crowds, I'm sure a lot of you spouses see that in your soldiers or SO with PTSD. The same races that hes hateful about (mind you, he doesn't really broadcast his views to everyone) he watches on the porn sites. I don't get it. He was married to a woman of one of the races he rants about and doesn't like. Their marriage was a huge fail, they were both miserable and it ended badly. Does anyone have experience around this area? Any advice in this area?
    There's no such thing as a "little bit" racist. Him being racist has nothing to do with PTSD.




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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    There's no such thing as a "little bit" racist. Him being racist has nothing to do with PTSD.
    Yeah being a racist, watching porn featuring members of that race, having a former spouse of that race... this dude has issues far beyond ptsd.
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    #4
    I suggest seeing a therapist together regarding the intimacy issues.

    The being racist/watching port with members of those races/etc has nothing to do with ptsd and is a whole other issue.
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    #5
    I've heard of racist men watching porn with actresses of the same race they hate because it's a power thing. He probably needs some counseling.

    Have you talked about this with him? Have you told him you need more physical affection? If not, I would start there. Has it always been this way or did it used to be better?
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    I'm not shy by no means when it comes to being in the bedroom with him. I've talked about it all with him. He went through therapy at the VA for PTSD. He didn't have these problems prior to being over seas. I've know him and his family for quite some time.
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    I just thought maybe someone would have any experience or knowledge on a person with PTSD and problems with sex drive.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by myred40 View Post
    I'm not shy by no means when it comes to being in the bedroom with him. I've talked about it all with him. He went through therapy at the VA for PTSD. He didn't have these problems prior to being over seas. I've know him and his family for quite some time.
    as I mentioned in the other thread, EMDR is amazing. It's also a very simple concept, it takes someone using one side of their brain and forces them to use both. For me, it was like being taken from swimming with sharks to the safety of a glass bottom boat. you are no longer IN it.
    the VA, from my understanding, does not do EMDR and uses immersion therapy, which I have my doubts about.


    I do agree the racism is another issue. That is a huge turn off.
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    #9
    Could also be the meds he's on
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