A bit scared. - PTSD

luckiepal · 01-31-2012, 08:23 PM

I haven't been on here in while, i gotta new job and been trying to do for me, for once. Me and my Db broke up for like 3 months because he couldn't handle being in a relationship and having PTSD over the Holidays he called me and we been working things out. I never stopped loving him it's been hard living without him. I understand his reasoning for the break up with me. He needed time to get his mind together. He doesn't talk much and when he does what he says scares me. What he says on what he done over there, I don't know what to say. what is the right thing to say? He says he cares for me never says he loves me. He doesn't speak to family in fact I am the only person he talks too. He home in March and he wants to spend it all with me, which is all i ever wanted. I love him so much. but what if i say the wrong thing? Or do the wrong thing? I am trying. I tell him that we can get threw this together and no matter what. Is there any right thing to say? other than I love you. I'm more nervous than scared.

Gibbysgrl · 02-06-2012, 06:04 PM

My DF has PTSD also and its hard. All you can do is remind them your not going anywhere and that you love them and will help them through it. My DF has terrible nightmares and its just really hard on him. He told me this morning he feels like he's in a black hole and its just not getting better. He's scared he's going to lose everything he loves and he just wants to get better and have his life back. Its really hard for them. Its debilitating and it really is hard on a relationship but if you love him and will be there for him just keep doing it. That helps more than you know just know we are there for them. Sometimes thats all they need other times you have to really let them just bluntly know that your not going anywhere and you are there for the long haul. From experience with DF its gonna get bad before it gets better, but if he wants to make it better it will get better. DF has been struggling since he got back but like the last time we both know he will get better in time. Good luck hun and if you need anything im here.

Brianna Banana · 02-06-2012, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by luckiepal

I haven't been on here in while, i gotta new job and been trying to do for me, for once. Me and my Db broke up for like 3 months because he couldn't handle being in a relationship and having PTSD over the Holidays he called me and we been working things out. I never stopped loving him it's been hard living without him. I understand his reasoning for the break up with me. He needed time to get his mind together. He doesn't talk much and when he does what he says scares me. What he says on what he done over there, I don't know what to say. what is the right thing to say? He says he cares for me never says he loves me. He doesn't speak to family in fact I am the only person he talks too. He home in March and he wants to spend it all with me, which is all i ever wanted. I love him so much. but what if i say the wrong thing? Or do the wrong thing? I am trying. I tell him that we can get threw this together and no matter what. Is there any right thing to say? other than I love you. I'm more nervous than scared.

What does the bolded mean? What about it scares you?

There is no right thing to say. You can only listen and be there for him if and when he needs you.

I would start by educating yourself. Check out FamilyOfaVet.com - Learn about PTSD, TBI, and life after combat! for some great resources. I would also tell him that unless he's interested in getting help, I wouldn't stick around. The whole leaving during stress thing is a classic PTSD move. Unless you are okay with that continuing when you're married, have kids, etc. you need to lay down some ground rules.

Camokitteh · 02-06-2012, 06:10 PM

Here's something that might help:
How to Help A Loved One With PTSD

I hope that helps you. All you can really do is be there to listen. If he's really struggling, then he should look into talking to a professional about it. As much as you may want to help him, there's only so much you can do. The link I sent will cover all that and give you different things that you can say and do to help them. I hope it helps you.

luckiepal · 02-19-2012, 05:15 PM

I love him, all I think I got it threw to him that I'm not going anywhere. Thank you ladies for all the links I'm going to check them all out. He has been opening up a little bit but the good thing is that he knows he needs help and wants it!

LoveMyLove · 02-19-2012, 05:31 PM

I know what you're going through.

I've been looking up as much as I can about PTSD the past week (that's how I found this mb) and I echo what everyone else has said here. All you can do is be supportive and let him know you're here to listen if/when he's ready to talk. He may not be ready to talk to you and that's ok. My boyfriend knows I've been researching as much as I can so that I can learn and try to understand as much as an outsider could possibly understand and he appreciates the effort.

If he's been diagnosed, then he's been to therapy. Has he continued to go? My boyfriend goes to individual and group and on Tuesday, I encouraged him to call the VA for another appointment because he's had a rough week. Thankfully he took my advice and went on Thursday.

I, too, saw a therapist for the first time on Wednesday. Three things she told me really stuck out to me. 1. Breath. This is stressfull and sometimes you just need to breath. 2. Live in the moment. Take the time to enjoy everything around you. Take in the sights and sounds and stop worrying about the past or the future. 3. QTIP: Quit Taking It Personal.

I hope this helps! I'm here if you need to vent.

luckiepal · 02-19-2012, 06:23 PM

Thank you so much, he has pills he takes everyday. I remind him to take them i remind him I love him and I am trying very hard not to take it personal. He comes home next month, I been reading a lot I went to the VA with my Dad I got some great information, found out when they have support groups and talked to my Dad, He was in the army and is at vietnam vet he still dreams it. My mom said all she did was love him threw it. Give him space and remind him I love him. I'm not scared more like nervous. But I love him and I will do whatever i need to do to help him.

LoveMyLove · 02-19-2012, 06:59 PM

I've felt so alone because it's not like I want to tell everyone his business. My grandpa was in the Army and my dad was a Marine, but they have both passed away so I don't really have anyone I could go to.

My relationship with DB is new, but we're in love and he swept me off my feet. There is no part of me that wants to walk away. I'm determined to stay and see him through it. I'm glad you have your mom to relate to and your dad to guide you. You're very lucky and your DB is a lucky man.

LoveMyLove · 02-19-2012, 11:25 PM

Hey girl, here's a video from the PTSD Survivors of America.

What is PTSD? - YouTube

luckiepal · 02-21-2012, 04:07 AM

as many people I have around me I still feel alone. I don't want to say to much of what my DB tell me because thats his faith in me, my Dad still has Nightmares and misses his friends that he has lost. I been watching the youtube videos and going on line, doing all i can, I want the the person he needs me to be. The greatest tool i have right now is prayer!

01-31-2012, 08:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
luckiepal Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 30 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	A bit scared. I haven't been on here in while, i gotta new job and been trying to do for me, for once. Me and my Db broke up for like 3 months because he couldn't handle being in a relationship and having PTSD over the Holidays he called me and we been working things out. I never stopped loving him it's been hard living without him. I understand his reasoning for the break up with me. He needed time to get his mind together. He doesn't talk much and when he does what he says scares me. What he says on what he done over there, I don't know what to say. what is the right thing to say? He says he cares for me never says he loves me. He doesn't speak to family in fact I am the only person he talks too. He home in March and he wants to spend it all with me, which is all i ever wanted. I love him so much. but what if i say the wrong thing? Or do the wrong thing? I am trying. I tell him that we can get threw this together and no matter what. Is there any right thing to say? other than I love you. I'm more nervous than scared.

02-06-2012, 06:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
Gibbysgrl Senior Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: Both in IL for now Posts: 437 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 12%	My DF has PTSD also and its hard. All you can do is remind them your not going anywhere and that you love them and will help them through it. My DF has terrible nightmares and its just really hard on him. He told me this morning he feels like he's in a black hole and its just not getting better. He's scared he's going to lose everything he loves and he just wants to get better and have his life back. Its really hard for them. Its debilitating and it really is hard on a relationship but if you love him and will be there for him just keep doing it. That helps more than you know just know we are there for them. Sometimes thats all they need other times you have to really let them just bluntly know that your not going anywhere and you are there for the long haul. From experience with DF its gonna get bad before it gets better, but if he wants to make it better it will get better. DF has been struggling since he got back but like the last time we both know he will get better in time. Good luck hun and if you need anything im here. __________________ Everytime you smile i fall more and more in love with you~ DF will you be my forever....my best friend, my lover, my wife ~ DF

02-06-2012, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
Camokitteh Our ninja stars align. Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Me: Worcester, MA Him: Fort Drum, NY Posts: 3,841 Blog Entries: 7 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 56% Longevity: 19%	Here's something that might help: How to Help A Loved One With PTSD I hope that helps you. All you can really do is be there to listen. If he's really struggling, then he should look into talking to a professional about it. As much as you may want to help him, there's only so much you can do. The link I sent will cover all that and give you different things that you can say and do to help them. I hope it helps you. __________________ MSOS Cutest Couple 2012 Runner-Up *Caraa is my mistress

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02-19-2012, 05:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
luckiepal Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 30 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	I love him, all I think I got it threw to him that I'm not going anywhere. Thank you ladies for all the links I'm going to check them all out. He has been opening up a little bit but the good thing is that he knows he needs help and wants it!

02-19-2012, 05:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
LoveMyLove Regular Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 92 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 3%	I know what you're going through. I've been looking up as much as I can about PTSD the past week (that's how I found this mb) and I echo what everyone else has said here. All you can do is be supportive and let him know you're here to listen if/when he's ready to talk. He may not be ready to talk to you and that's ok. My boyfriend knows I've been researching as much as I can so that I can learn and try to understand as much as an outsider could possibly understand and he appreciates the effort. If he's been diagnosed, then he's been to therapy. Has he continued to go? My boyfriend goes to individual and group and on Tuesday, I encouraged him to call the VA for another appointment because he's had a rough week. Thankfully he took my advice and went on Thursday. I, too, saw a therapist for the first time on Wednesday. Three things she told me really stuck out to me. 1. Breath. This is stressfull and sometimes you just need to breath. 2. Live in the moment. Take the time to enjoy everything around you. Take in the sights and sounds and stop worrying about the past or the future. 3. QTIP: Quit Taking It Personal. I hope this helps! I'm here if you need to vent.

02-19-2012, 06:23 PM	#7 (permalink)
luckiepal Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 30 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	Thank you so much, he has pills he takes everyday. I remind him to take them i remind him I love him and I am trying very hard not to take it personal. He comes home next month, I been reading a lot I went to the VA with my Dad I got some great information, found out when they have support groups and talked to my Dad, He was in the army and is at vietnam vet he still dreams it. My mom said all she did was love him threw it. Give him space and remind him I love him. I'm not scared more like nervous. But I love him and I will do whatever i need to do to help him.

02-19-2012, 06:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
LoveMyLove Regular Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 92 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 3%	I've felt so alone because it's not like I want to tell everyone his business. My grandpa was in the Army and my dad was a Marine, but they have both passed away so I don't really have anyone I could go to. My relationship with DB is new, but we're in love and he swept me off my feet. There is no part of me that wants to walk away. I'm determined to stay and see him through it. I'm glad you have your mom to relate to and your dad to guide you. You're very lucky and your DB is a lucky man.

02-19-2012, 11:25 PM	#9 (permalink)
LoveMyLove Regular Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 92 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 3%	Hey girl, here's a video from the PTSD Survivors of America. What is PTSD? - YouTube

02-21-2012, 04:07 AM	#10 (permalink)
luckiepal Regular Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 30 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	as many people I have around me I still feel alone. I don't want to say to much of what my DB tell me because thats his faith in me, my Dad still has Nightmares and misses his friends that he has lost. I been watching the youtube videos and going on line, doing all i can, I want the the person he needs me to be. The greatest tool i have right now is prayer!