Another Letter. - PTSD

Traci08 · 10-24-2009, 04:35 AM

From my husband.

Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. I've really made a mess of things since we split up. I don't know what I'm doing. They don't make manuals for this. I'm sorry that you hurt; I'm sorry that you cry. I didn't set out to make that happen, and I'm sorry that it does. I hate it when people cry. Once upon a time, we were everything together, and then we were nothing. Somewhere along the way, I demonized you, made an enemy out of you. And I don't know why. I'm sorry about that too. It was easier than thinking about how much I was hurting you.

Years ago, over there, in a land of sand and storms, I murdered a little boy. It was the most earth-shattering experience I have ever had, marking the beginning of the end, and I've never put it behind me for a single minute. I did it to save my own life, and they said I did the right thing. But it was still murder. I pay for that every day with poor interpersonal skills and unending nightmares. It's not an excuse; it's an explanation. You deserve that much. Other things happened that broke my sense of self, and I'll tell you those in time.

I wish I could put a happy ending on this, but I just can't. I can't be the kind of person you need. I'm sorry for everything that I've screwed up with my clumsy approach to life. I'm absolutely convinced that the person you married is gone. I'm sorry I haven't been spending as much time with D as any of us would like, but I'll work hard to change that. You and I, though, I just don't know. I know you want to try, to get back together, to make it work, but I just can't do it. I just can't. I don't know what to say. There are days when I can barely scrape myself together to leave the house instead of putting a gun in my mouth.

heyyykooolaid · 10-24-2009, 05:04 AM

Is he getting any professional help???

Traci08 · 10-24-2009, 06:31 AM

No. He isn't.

Mrz. Robinson · 10-24-2009, 06:47 AM

OMG this is sad he needs help badly

Traci08 · 10-24-2009, 09:30 AM

Yes, he does.

louisa85 · 10-24-2009, 09:35 AM

OneIllWife · 10-24-2009, 09:55 AM

esadhug I agree that he needs help. He seems to be reaching out. That's all I can think. I don't really know what else to say hon. Hang in there.

Traci08 · 10-24-2009, 02:32 PM

I am. But, I have learned of a plan to help him and help our marriage.

Traci08 · 10-29-2009, 03:36 PM

This is the reply I got from Patience Mason when I wrote her and showed her this email.

I would listen, and say it must be hard to feel like that. He is communicating and seeing if you can listen...
there is no quick way out of this.
You might also say that the fact that it bothers him is proof that he is a good person, or it wouldn't. But I would say this very quietly, at the end of a conversation. He does not need to be cheered up or fixed, he needs to grieve.
I also think there is no hurry on getting back together. He needs space. He needs help. Let him...
Love is letting go sometimes. But I would keep in touch if you can do it without going nuts.
I had to think about my answer so I didn't write right back, but I hope this helps. Bob and I were separated a couple of times.

miss_jaclynrae · 10-29-2009, 04:04 PM

hang in there
ill be praying for you and your husband both.

10-24-2009, 04:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 589 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 7% Longevity: 21%	Another Letter. From my husband. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. I've really made a mess of things since we split up. I don't know what I'm doing. They don't make manuals for this. I'm sorry that you hurt; I'm sorry that you cry. I didn't set out to make that happen, and I'm sorry that it does. I hate it when people cry. Once upon a time, we were everything together, and then we were nothing. Somewhere along the way, I demonized you, made an enemy out of you. And I don't know why. I'm sorry about that too. It was easier than thinking about how much I was hurting you. Years ago, over there, in a land of sand and storms, I murdered a little boy. It was the most earth-shattering experience I have ever had, marking the beginning of the end, and I've never put it behind me for a single minute. I did it to save my own life, and they said I did the right thing. But it was still murder. I pay for that every day with poor interpersonal skills and unending nightmares. It's not an excuse; it's an explanation. You deserve that much. Other things happened that broke my sense of self, and I'll tell you those in time. I wish I could put a happy ending on this, but I just can't. I can't be the kind of person you need. I'm sorry for everything that I've screwed up with my clumsy approach to life. I'm absolutely convinced that the person you married is gone. I'm sorry I haven't been spending as much time with D as any of us would like, but I'll work hard to change that. You and I, though, I just don't know. I know you want to try, to get back together, to make it work, but I just can't do it. I just can't. I don't know what to say. There are days when I can barely scrape myself together to leave the house instead of putting a gun in my mouth. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

10-24-2009, 05:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
heyyykooolaid Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Hill AFB Posts: 1,119 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 23% Longevity: 22%	Is he getting any professional help??? __________________ "I love you so much baby, I keep thinking about you all day every day, you’re the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I sleep with your pictures."~DH DH: knowing that you'll be there when I get home is the only thing that is really getting me through this deployment. I cant wait to see your face when I get off that plane. "I love you more than I can put into words Christine. Seriously I have tried and I cant think of anything. My mind draws a blank, there is no word or words to describe how much I really do love you. And I mean that with my whole heart and fiber of my being."~DH

10-24-2009, 06:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 589 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 7% Longevity: 21%	No. He isn't. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

10-24-2009, 06:47 AM	#4 (permalink)
Mrz. Robinson LIVING IN GERMANY AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT Join Date: May 2009 Location: VILSECK GERMANY Posts: 1,797 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 94% Longevity: 9%	OMG this is sad he needs help badly __________________ He said will you be MINE 4eva Of Course I Replied YES!!

10-24-2009, 09:30 AM	#5 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 589 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 7% Longevity: 21%	Yes, he does. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

About Us

MilitarySOS Shortcuts

MilitarySOS Help

About MilitarySOS

10-24-2009, 09:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
louisa85 Instigator Extraordinaire Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 7,153 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 47% Longevity: 14%	__________________ Keep on keeping on.

10-24-2009, 09:55 AM	#7 (permalink)
OneIllWife Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Binghamton, NY Posts: 3,977 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 72% Longevity: 13%	esadhug I agree that he needs help. He seems to be reaching out. That's all I can think. I don't really know what else to say hon. Hang in there.

10-24-2009, 02:32 PM	#8 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 589 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 7% Longevity: 21%	I am. But, I have learned of a plan to help him and help our marriage. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

10-29-2009, 03:36 PM	#9 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 589 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 7% Longevity: 21%	This is the reply I got from Patience Mason when I wrote her and showed her this email. I would listen, and say it must be hard to feel like that. He is communicating and seeing if you can listen... there is no quick way out of this. You might also say that the fact that it bothers him is proof that he is a good person, or it wouldn't. But I would say this very quietly, at the end of a conversation. He does not need to be cheered up or fixed, he needs to grieve. I also think there is no hurry on getting back together. He needs space. He needs help. Let him... Love is letting go sometimes. But I would keep in touch if you can do it without going nuts. I had to think about my answer so I didn't write right back, but I hope this helps. Bob and I were separated a couple of times. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

10-29-2009, 04:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
miss_jaclynrae Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Living: San Clemente - Based: Camp Pendleton Posts: 1,151 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 61% Longevity: 21%	hang in there ill be praying for you and your husband both. __________________ Nerd on the outside. Ninja on the inside. best SIL In the world megatron DH: "I know that I may not be the perfect husband, and you may not be the perfect wife, but I think together we are perfect."