Boyfriend has PTSD

[i love my AS!]

He's not violent or anything like that. He'll just get REALLY quiet and withdrawn. Then he'll ask why I'm with him because he's such a bad person. Or do I think he's doing the right thing. Or he'll just tear up. I don't know what to say to him usually. So I'll usually just sit with him or lay with him while he's going through it all. Is there anything I should be doing? Or shouldn't do?

[mpkw0428]

Originally Posted by i love my AS! He's not violent or anything like that. He'll just get REALLY quiet and withdrawn. Then he'll ask why I'm with him because he's such a bad person. Or do I think he's doing the right thing. Or he'll just tear up. I don't know what to say to him usually. So I'll usually just sit with him or lay with him while he's going through it all. Is there anything I should be doing? Or shouldn't do?

Is he going through any counseling?

[Jeni14]

I'm sorry! I've never dealt with this, but I'm sure he needs a lot of reassurance from you right now.

[i love my AS!]

Yes. He goes and sees a psychologist every other week. He just says that when he gets like that he's thinking of his friends that he lost over there. And he's saying that he has to get back over there because he feels that that's what he's supposed to be doing. Not sitting here and fixing stuff.

[Traci08]

It isn't uncommon for them to think they have unfinished business back there. But, you asked what should you be doing? You're already doing it. Listen to him. Be the ear and the shoulder he needs you to be. Be so very patient with him. Always, always reassure him that you love him so very much! Above all, he needs to know he can trust you. Trust is such an issue when our SO's come home from war.

[i love my AS!]

Originally Posted by Traci08 It isn't uncommon for them to think they have unfinished business back there. But, you asked what should you be doing? You're already doing it. Listen to him. Be the ear and the shoulder he needs you to be. Be so very patient with him. Always, always reassure him that you love him so very much! Above all, he needs to know he can trust you. Trust is such an issue when our SO's come home from war.

DB and I weren't dating when he was over in Iraq. We've been dating 3 months. He's been back for 4. I'm glad that just by supporting him like I've been trying to is helping him. It just seems like so little that I'm actually doing. But at the same time, I guess it makes sense. I know from what I've read online, he isn't going to want to tell me what he was doing over there. And I know the reason he wants to go back according to him is because he left 3 months early. Or that's what he says. And he left his buddies hanging and how he's going to feel responsible if the guy in front of him died because he left. I don't know. It's a lot to hear. And I just try to continually tell him that he did what he was told and I'm proud of him for that and that I love him.

[NDNatlGuardGF]

Originally Posted by i love my AS! DB and I weren't dating when he was over in Iraq. We've been dating 3 months. He's been back for 4. I'm glad that just by supporting him like I've been trying to is helping him. It just seems like so little that I'm actually doing. But at the same time, I guess it makes sense. I know from what I've read online, he isn't going to want to tell me what he was doing over there. And I know the reason he wants to go back according to him is because he left 3 months early. Or that's what he says. And he left his buddies hanging and how he's going to feel responsible if the guy in front of him died because he left. I don't know. It's a lot to hear. And I just try to continually tell him that he did what he was told and I'm proud of him for that and that I love him.

Two of my friends went to Iraq recently. Since they were married and had kids, they had a choice for one of them to stay home and the other go. Instead they both went because they couldn't stand the idea of something happening to the perosn taking their place when it "should have been them." Its a hard process to understand, but thats kind of how it goes through their minds. Thats where his feelings are coming from regarding the last three months.

DB went through something similar to this after his last deployment. because of some crappy circumstances he felt like he didn't completely his job or do it good enough which is why he's back there now voluntarily. Everyone told him over and over that he didn't fail and did the best he could with the circumstances, but its easier to say it than accept it. Just keep telling thim the same thing over and over again, and maybe eventually it'll sink in.

As simple as it sounds they just need to have someone there if/when they're ready to talk, and so that they know they're not alone. It seems so simple that I'm sure you want to do more to help him, but thats really all he needs right now until he says otherwise.

[lildixiemiss]

Hang in there. B sometimes still falls into the "I'm a monster" mindset. He still has dreams and cannot go into large crowds. Hang in there and just let him know your there. Your doing all the right things.

[DarcyV]

My boyfriend has PTSD also. He was in Iraq for 14 months and came back this past Thanksgiving. His PTSD surfaced around March/April. He has trouble with patience and anger, but isn't violent. It's hard to deal and he cycles with it. So about every few weeks he has a stint of it. I try to get him to get help, but he says I help him enough. It seems like when I help, it's just a bandaid, temporary.

[Ambrocious]

Just continue to be there for him, be supportive, make sure he continues therapy.
Time will heal these wounds, I promise.