My SFC Vet Recently Diagnosed with PTSD - PTSD

meme · 07-23-2009, 11:10 PM

I'm new to all of this. My SFC returned from Iraq in 2006 and has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. He didn't receive counseling like he was suppose to when he returned from Iraq, that may have a lot to do with his delayed diagnoses. Not sure how to deal with all of this. He's so emotionless, mean, blunt, distant and things seem to be getting worse. I have to say that this is not how I expected it to be. I'm walking on egg shells every minute he's around. What do you do? Do you leave them alone and love them from a distance, or do you continue to try act as if things are normal??? I'm so confused.

Traci08 · 07-24-2009, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by meme

I'm new to all of this. My SFC returned from Iraq in 2006 and has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. He didn't receive counseling like he was suppose to when he returned from Iraq, that may have a lot to do with his delayed diagnoses. Not sure how to deal with all of this. He's so emotionless, mean, blunt, distant and things seem to be getting worse. I have to say that this is not how I expected it to be. I'm walking on egg shells every minute he's around. What do you do? Do you leave them alone and love them from a distance, or do you continue to try act as if things are normal??? I'm so confused.

Being patient and giving them space is always helpful. I felt I had to walk around on eggshells around my husband and I still do sometimes, because I don't ever know how he's going to react to something I say or do. Is he getting counseling now? That will help. I suggest you getting counseling too or finding a support group for carers. You need a place to go to talk about things that you obviously can't talk about with your husband. Don't let PTSD rule either of your lives, that isn't healthy either. Observe what triggers him and try to avoid them, although many probably can't be avoided. But, learn to recognize them. I honestly don't think anyone knows how difficult it was going to be. You can't fully prepare yourself for something so complex as PTSD.

My PM's are always open, if you need to talk. I've been there and back.

hisgirl7477 · 07-25-2009, 06:50 AM

If I had it to do all over, I'd do this... I'd be me. I know that sounds weird, but really it is the only thing you can do. I spent two years being so many diff people based off of who he seemed to need to feel better at that moment, it wore me out and its insane. You can't be anyone or do anything other than what is true to you!!!!

Part of not walking on egg shells is learning that he is going to have ups and downs (ahhhhh the rollercoaster) and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help that. So you can spend your time trying to ride with him or you can just be yourself and do what feels right to you. Now part of this is also getting in touch with yourself outside the marriage... learning how to fulfill your emotional needs on your own. I know its sounds terrible and its not what you had in mind from a marriage probably - but when we learn to fulfill our own emotional needs, we take a huge burden off them, and many times that is when they feel they can be more emotionally giving (ironic i know).

Being good to yourself and doing things for you is key. Find a new hobby, make new friends, read amazing books, find a new sport or work out or do something physical (this is so important), focus on you. Its hard to do, but let his problems be his. You take care of you and the kids (if you have any). He'll most likely come around. I know 3 years seems like a lifetime to have lived with this, but its not. He's still getting this under his belt, trying to live life with this.

There are TONS of resources out there for you to get educated on ptsd (I think this is one of the most important steps in this journey). I always suggest starting with Patience Mason's writings... she's been there and writes for us, www.patiencepress.com. I read a lot of the books she suggests too and i can't tell you how much it helped me. But just read read read, talk about it here, become a "ptsd expert" and you might feel more empowered and less like an egg shell walker.

And yes to everything Traci said!!!!!! Especially learning his triggers and how to kind of avoid them with him.

Traci08 · 07-26-2009, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by hisgirl7477

If I had it to do all over, I'd do this... I'd be me. I know that sounds weird, but really it is the only thing you can do. I spent two years being so many diff people based off of who he seemed to need to feel better at that moment, it wore me out and its insane. You can't be anyone or do anything other than what is true to you!!!!

Part of not walking on egg shells is learning that he is going to have ups and downs (ahhhhh the rollercoaster) and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help that. So you can spend your time trying to ride with him or you can just be yourself and do what feels right to you. Now part of this is also getting in touch with yourself outside the marriage... learning how to fulfill your emotional needs on your own. I know its sounds terrible and its not what you had in mind from a marriage probably - but when we learn to fulfill our own emotional needs, we take a huge burden off them, and many times that is when they feel they can be more emotionally giving (ironic i know).

Being good to yourself and doing things for you is key. Find a new hobby, make new friends, read amazing books, find a new sport or work out or do something physical (this is so important), focus on you. Its hard to do, but let his problems be his. You take care of you and the kids (if you have any). He'll most likely come around. I know 3 years seems like a lifetime to have lived with this, but its not. He's still getting this under his belt, trying to live life with this.

There are TONS of resources out there for you to get educated on ptsd (I think this is one of the most important steps in this journey). I always suggest starting with Patience Mason's writings... she's been there and writes for us, www.patiencepress.com. I read a lot of the books she suggests too and i can't tell you how much it helped me. But just read read read, talk about it here, become a "ptsd expert" and you might feel more empowered and less like an egg shell walker.

And yes to everything Traci said!!!!!! Especially learning his triggers and how to kind of avoid them with him.

07-23-2009, 11:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
meme Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 5%	My SFC Vet Recently Diagnosed with PTSD I'm new to all of this. My SFC returned from Iraq in 2006 and has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. He didn't receive counseling like he was suppose to when he returned from Iraq, that may have a lot to do with his delayed diagnoses. Not sure how to deal with all of this. He's so emotionless, mean, blunt, distant and things seem to be getting worse. I have to say that this is not how I expected it to be. I'm walking on egg shells every minute he's around. What do you do? Do you leave them alone and love them from a distance, or do you continue to try act as if things are normal??? I'm so confused.

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07-25-2009, 06:50 AM	#3 (permalink)
hisgirl7477 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 426 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 21%	If I had it to do all over, I'd do this... I'd be me. I know that sounds weird, but really it is the only thing you can do. I spent two years being so many diff people based off of who he seemed to need to feel better at that moment, it wore me out and its insane. You can't be anyone or do anything other than what is true to you!!!! Part of not walking on egg shells is learning that he is going to have ups and downs (ahhhhh the rollercoaster) and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help that. So you can spend your time trying to ride with him or you can just be yourself and do what feels right to you. Now part of this is also getting in touch with yourself outside the marriage... learning how to fulfill your emotional needs on your own. I know its sounds terrible and its not what you had in mind from a marriage probably - but when we learn to fulfill our own emotional needs, we take a huge burden off them, and many times that is when they feel they can be more emotionally giving (ironic i know). Being good to yourself and doing things for you is key. Find a new hobby, make new friends, read amazing books, find a new sport or work out or do something physical (this is so important), focus on you. Its hard to do, but let his problems be his. You take care of you and the kids (if you have any). He'll most likely come around. I know 3 years seems like a lifetime to have lived with this, but its not. He's still getting this under his belt, trying to live life with this. There are TONS of resources out there for you to get educated on ptsd (I think this is one of the most important steps in this journey). I always suggest starting with Patience Mason's writings... she's been there and writes for us, www.patiencepress.com. I read a lot of the books she suggests too and i can't tell you how much it helped me. But just read read read, talk about it here, become a "ptsd expert" and you might feel more empowered and less like an egg shell walker. And yes to everything Traci said!!!!!! Especially learning his triggers and how to kind of avoid them with him.