Frustrated!

[Traci08]

Well, I emailed my husband last night. I told him I think we should split up the times we have with Dietrich. Right now, he only has him when I ask his parents to babysit overnight. He doesn't really come to us for visits as he says he's just too busy and doesn't have much time. But, anyway, he emailed me back and told me that he discussed it with his parents (and I'm not really sure if I believe him), but he said with him working, sleeping a lot during the day and that he is getting ready to start back up at school, along with his parents who work (his dad is a professor part time (and isn't even doing summer classes and his mom retired a year ago) that they just don't see how having him for two weeks would work. When he isn't working or sleeping, he has seminars and conferences (for all the political and activism things he's obsessed with), he just doesn't have time for anything anymore.

This was my breaking point. I have never in my life dealt with the most selfish people I've ever known! And I honestly cannot understand for the life of me why this was such a demanding request. I work fulltime and I go to school (even the summer ones.) My parents work around my schedule and theirs to watch Dietrich while I do work. All I asked was for a little relief off my parents. And I even stated that I would like some time to do the things that I needed to get done. I left him a pretty angry voicemail, in fact I told him I was very unhappy. And I just couldn't believe the excuses they all made! Way to make his son, their grandson loved and welcomed. It honestly just pissed me the **** off!

As much as I can't really stand them all right now. I can't help but to have my heart broken by the fact that they could do this to my son. I really hurt for him. He loves them so much and they all couldn't give a ****!

[LuvBluCoMi]

Sorry about your situation Traci. I'm not on here much, but my heart goes out to you. I really hope things get better, and that you get some relief soon. Take it easy.

[Songtan Sally]

My son's father didn't come to see him because "we're saving money for new furniture".

[hisgirl7477]

Oh wow, these stories hurt.

Traci, does Duane provide for Detrick financially???? I think you know where i'm going with that. Maybe its time to see an attorney and talk options. Just so you are as protected as possible financially. If he paid his half maybe then you wouldn't have to work so much... just a thought.

I'm so very very sorry. this is just so heartbreaking. I just can't believe what they're doing. what miserable people. I am so so so sorry!

[Traci08]

Originally Posted by hisgirl7477 Oh wow, these stories hurt. Traci, does Duane provide for Detrick financially???? I think you know where i'm going with that. Maybe its time to see an attorney and talk options. Just so you are as protected as possible financially. If he paid his half maybe then you wouldn't have to work so much... just a thought. I'm so very very sorry. this is just so heartbreaking. I just can't believe what they're doing. what miserable people. I am so so so sorry!

He gives a hundred dollars a month. Not enough in my opinion. And yes, I am already meeting with someone about all of this on Wednesday. Its really heartbreaking. I have to live with this, his grandparents and father don't love him enough to make arrangements to have him for two weeks. While he loves them so much! And they don't feel the same. They act like he's this burden. In fact, my husband used that word in his email. If his son and their grandson meant anything to them at all, they would do this. They'd jump at the opportunity and drive down here tomorrow if it meant they could be a part of his life.

[Traci08]

Originally Posted by Songtan Sally My son's father didn't come to see him because "we're saving money for new furniture".

I'm sorry. I know how much that hurt the both of you.

[JudyB]

Have you talked to his parents yourself??? Or do you know for a fact that what your husband is saying is true?? I would worry that considering his current sate of mind that he is not talking about these things with his parents......if I were you I would either call them yourself ask .

[hisgirl7477]

Originally Posted by Traci08 He gives a hundred dollars a month. Not enough in my opinion. And yes, I am already meeting with someone about all of this on Wednesday. Its really heartbreaking. I have to live with this, his grandparents and father don't love him enough to make arrangements to have him for two weeks. While he loves them so much! And they don't feel the same. They act like he's this burden. In fact, my husband used that word in his email. If his son and their grandson meant anything to them at all, they would do this. They'd jump at the opportunity and drive down here tomorrow if it meant they could be a part of his life.

Oh Traci, this is just so heartbreaking. I think you're doing the right thing though - NO $100 is NOT enough!!!! I know you want so badly to have the love of his father and grandparents for your son... but for now it looks like its just not going to happen. What a shame. I know he has ptsd, and that explains a lot of this, but I will never be ok with a man or woman shirking their responsibility and hurting a childl like this.

I know you won't want to hear this, but sometimes we have to tell each other things we don't want to hear out of love and the sense of wanting to help... I think its time you try to mend your heart and move on. There are sooooo many wonderful, amazing, loving men out there. Men who would kill for that little boy's love. I know you are in love and don't want to move on, but at a certain point you get stuck in waiting and good things pass you by. Its hard, I know. I love my ex very much. And I'm glad we're talking about tryign again... but I cannot wait on him to get it together anymore. I am in my 30s, life is passing me by. I want a family and if he can't give me one... someone else out there will.

I'm so sorry Traci. I really think going to talk to someone about the financial arrangement is a good idea. You have A LOT on your plate, and that's not fair. He's Duane's son too... he should carry half teh financial responsibility - especially since he seems to not want any of the parenting responsibility.

Hugs to you!!!!

[jessi01]

I'm so sorry Traci. I think there's a time to say enough is enough and plan your lives without him, but only you know when that time comes. It's one thing to hurt your partner, it's an entirely different level though when you hurt a child. He can't understand or rationalize any of this, nor should he have to. His father should put some of his extra curricular things aside to make more time for his son, but you're right, he's selfish and not willing to do that.
I'm glad you're going to see someone about all of this. It's time. Honey, $100 a month is NOTHING, not nearly enough to help raise your own child. I can't believe that's all he contributes to his life. Right now, he may be better off without him.
Let us know how you make out. I'll keep you and Deitrich in my thoughts.

[Traci08]

Originally Posted by JudyB Have you talked to his parents yourself??? Or do you know for a fact that what your husband is saying is true?? I would worry that considering his current sate of mind that he is not talking about these things with his parents......if I were you I would either call them yourself ask .

I actually haven't taken the time to talk to them. It sounds exactly like something they would do, but I don't know if all that my husband said is true. And although I haven't sought it out for myself, at this point in time, I am just completely filled with so much anger that I can't even compose my thoughts to talk with them. I am thinking about forwarding the email on to them just to see if any of it rings true. The last thing I want for my son is for something like this to get so ugly! I love my son, but if these people think that he's a burden on their lives right now and they JUST can't make time for him for 2 weeks out of the month, then I honestly cannot believe the selfishness that these people have.

hisgirl and jessi-- I want to thank you so much for your encouraging words. Yes, it is difficult for me right now, but when you hurt my son, like he has (they all have) then my heart only breaks for him. I can do so much better. And Dietrich can be the light and love of some man's life who makes time for both of us to be in it. 100.00 isn't enough for his little boy. I've been putting those dollars into a saving account for Dietrich.