Please respect me enough..

[kiwijus]

to A.) understand this is just a request, and I'm NOT furious or being a *****, and B.) Stop making every thread I post about PTSD about whether or not I should be trying to have a baby.

Please.

I'm Catholic. I do NOT believe in birth control, or condoms, or contraception at all IN MY MARRIAGE. Does that mean I think you shouldn't? Hell no. It's a very personal thing. Have I used condoms before? Yes. I have. I also had premarital sex. I'm not claiming to be perfect, but it's a part of my faith I'm particularly strong about - ESPECIALLY birth control. Since I've been married, I've never ever used a condom. I'm not about to start because I have depression.

I'm NOT taking Clomid any more until I'm better.

I went to the doctor today and had an honest, frank discussion with him, telling him I finally understand I need to be a priority in my own life, and pregnancy or not, I need to be medicated. He had me do a bloodwork pregnancy test, just to ease my fears of starting a new medication and potentially hurting an unborn child. It was negative, and so I'm back on medication as of 1:00 pm.

PLEASE understand I've been trying for 5 years, and this is not something I let go of lightly. I have a lot of respect for a potential child, even as a distant thought in the deepest part of my prayers. I'm TERRIFIED of making the wrong choice of medicine, and ending up causing a human to suffer their whole lives with some medical condition. It's ACTUALLY a part of the PTSD. I've discussed this with BOTH my doctor and the shrink.

Please stop telling me not to try to have kids, or to get over my aversion to birth control. It won't happen. I will always want children. However, I AM taking the step to actively let both DH (who fully supports me) and my doctor know that I'm not in a position to be taking fertility medicine, and we can do natural cycle-based family planning, but I'm not going to take the pill, or the ring, or an IUD, or anything else.

Please, again, respect me enough to let me vent and express my fears without being told things like, "You're playing russian roulette with yours and your child's life." I was raised that psychological illnesses/diseases made you the lowest of low, and I still carry that stigma about myself. I'm working through it though. I just don't need to be lectured. It's not that I don't like advice, but when it's OBVIOUS in the OP I'm not changing my mind about giving up my dream of being a mom, even if I AM willing to plan around my cycle to keep both me and an unborn (and obviously, a live) baby healthy.

If you made it this far, thanks. 'Preciate it. Any other advice is welcome, but I hate when every thread becomes a "should she/can she/will she" get pregnant thread.

[jennypage]

It's not about respecting you enough, it's about respecting a CHILD enough that doesn't have any choice in the matter. You are all freaking over the place, just on this board alone! I can't imagine what you'd be like in real life! And that said, IN MY OPINION, you should be on birth control for RIGHT NOW. You have no business trying to bring a baby into this world when you are cutting yourself and suicidal and generally being self destructive.

It is MY OPINION, and I'M STICKING TO IT. If you don't want to hear it, then STOP posting about you cutting yourself and wanting to have a baby in the SAME GODDAMN PARAGRAPH. That alone leads me to believe that you should be on birth control. Or at least, not actively trying to have a baby.

Jesus! Am I the only one who is completely irritated and appalled by this?

[Chevy_Gurl]

Originally Posted by jennypage It's not about respecting you enough, it's about respecting a CHILD enough that doesn't have any choice in the matter. You are all freaking over the place, just on this board alone! I can't imagine what you'd be like in real life! And that said, IN MY OPINION, you should be on birth control for RIGHT NOW. You have no business trying to bring a baby into this world when you are cutting yourself and suicidal and generally being self destructive. It is MY OPINION, and I'M STICKING TO IT. If you don't want to hear it, then STOP posting about you cutting yourself and wanting to have a baby in the SAME GODDAMN PARAGRAPH. That alone leads me to believe that you should be on birth control. Or at least, not actively trying to have a baby. Jesus! Am I the only one who is completely irritated and appalled by this?

Nope you aren't JP. I've tried saying it in kinder tones but it either gets brushed under the carpet or completely ignored while everyone else ***** foots around it or pats her on the back encouraging her in her stories of grand delusion.

[jennypage]

Originally Posted by Chevy_Gurl Nope you aren't JP. I've tried saying it in kinder tones but it either gets brushed under the carpet or completely ignored while everyone else ***** foots around it or pats her on the back encouraging her in her stories of grand delusion.

Thank ****ing god. I mean, this is not some meaningless little topic, you know? I can't believe that ANY DOCTOR, ANYWHERE would be encouraging you to get pregnant at this stage in your life. I said it before and I'll say it again, you need to SERIOUSLY reevaluate what you are doing and where you are right now. SERIOUSLY.

[jlbecker]

from the few threads i've read, i think it's apparent that you are concerned with medication and getting pregnant...both as seperate issues, and as they relate to one another.

i haven't replied much to you because i really dont have much experience with medication or natural family planning and infertility. but based on what i've read recently, i agree with doc 100%. you need to be the priority right now.

if you dont believe in contraceptives, do you actively use natural family planning? or are you just winging it? hopefully you have done the research and use NFP correctly, in which case, there is nothing wrong with condemning contraceptives in your own marriage.

i hope you're able to keep yourself healthy. once you become pregnant, your body will no longer be yours to abuse. it will be the baby's, and the baby will deserve the most wonderful and healthy environment possible.

[abbienikol]

you know I have taken a back seat to a lot of your posts..... just read and read and read. I went to catholic school for a VERY long time and Ill tell you what, if a priest thought that a child would be in danger, he would say be abstinent. Oh whats that? A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL!!!!

Ugh maybe you should talk to a priest about your concerns... if you have already sory I missed that.....

[Chevy_Gurl]

And because we are being HONEST...

It absolutely aggravates me how you, kiwi, are so back and forth and so dead set on trying to have a child (prior to this post) when people (like me for example who suffers every damn friggen day with borderline) tell you how hard and difficult it is to be pregnant and to raise a kid and you just brush us off.

From someone who's kids have had to see her struggle every day, have had to see their mother go through **** a child should NEVER EVER have to see and is trying desperately to rebuild their lives that have been ruined time and time again because of her illness that she is struggling to keep in check I don't understand how you can not see that you are a danger to any child and yourself right now. It took me 6 months of talking with a DR before they said I could go off my meds to get pregnant again. I still had a episode during my pregnancy, thankfully it wasn't too bad but it was still bad. I can't get my point across right now. I just know that for the last year you obsession to have a child has clouded your judgment and perception of reality in dealing with your mental issues.

[*Cassie*]

Originally Posted by jennypage It's not about respecting you enough, it's about respecting a CHILD enough that doesn't have any choice in the matter. You are all freaking over the place, just on this board alone! I can't imagine what you'd be like in real life! And that said, IN MY OPINION, you should be on birth control for RIGHT NOW. You have no business trying to bring a baby into this world when you are cutting yourself and suicidal and generally being self destructive. It is MY OPINION, and I'M STICKING TO IT. If you don't want to hear it, then STOP posting about you cutting yourself and wanting to have a baby in the SAME GODDAMN PARAGRAPH. That alone leads me to believe that you should be on birth control. Or at least, not actively trying to have a baby. Jesus! Am I the only one who is completely irritated and appalled by this?

No you are not alone. It's frustrating to think someone who is, quite honestly, unstable would be able to carry a child to term AND be able to care for it once it arrives. Sorry kiwi if you don't like it but it's the truth. And i think it's been said MORE than once that if you don't the honest opinions of people, then don't post it on a board. There are blogs and diaries that you can just vent to if you don't want any opinions that aren't hand holding. I honestly don't know if I even believe all that you post be/c it is just so all over the place. But that's JMO.

[Chevy_Gurl]

Originally Posted by abbienikol you know I have taken a back seat to a lot of your posts..... just read and read and read. I went to catholic school for a VERY long time and Ill tell you what, if a priest thought that a child would be in danger, he would say be abstinent. Oh whats that? A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL!!!! Ugh maybe you should talk to a priest about your concerns... if you have already sory I missed that.....

very good point. If you are truly as religious as you claim to be then maybe you need to abstain and speak with a Priest first before continuing to have sex.

[Brandi]

I must have missed a lot here, because I wasn't aware that you were cutting yourself and suicidal I hope you get all of this sorted out and are able to find some peace, some how, some way. I know how it feels for your heart to absolutely hurt and long for a child of your own I felt the same way when I went through mutiple miscarriages, and sometimes that alone is enough to drive someone mad.

Hopefully the medication will help you get back on track, so you can better sort through your thoughts and things going on. Hang in there