I just don't get it...

[Traci08]

And I am usually a lot stronger than this, but its been 3 weeks since we've seen my husband. He makes no time to call or come for a visit. But, he can make time for his political activism. We don't seem to have a place on his priority list these days. It hurts.

[Britt]

There's a thousand PTSD reasons that he's acting this way, but in the end, it all boils down to it just being wrong.

You are a strong lady, but you're allowed to be disappointed too.

I just can't believe he's doing this to your son. I know he's not the man he used to be, and probably will never be that man again, but in PTSD recovery, they tell the patients that they're supposed to visualize who they want to be and strive to make that happen.

It's a shame that he's missing out on some of the best years in your son's life.

[hisgirl7477]

I'm sorry Traci!!!! This really hurts and sucks!!!!

PTSD is VERY selfish - i helps me to not forget that. The thing that kills me with you is your son though - it makes me so much angrier fo you. You can go find other ways to get fulfillment out of life and help heal the void he's leaving, your son can't.

Like Britt said, disappointment is normal. And I'd say and anger and "how dare he do this to us" is normal too.

He makes time for the political activisim because that seems to be your DH's self medication <-- in my opinion. Until he starts to want to change himself... he'll keep doing that and hurting you and your son. Some choose drugs, alcohol, other women, shopping, etc. Your DH has choosen his activisim. I used to have the "he can't help it" attitude. But now I think that each time my ex grabs a beer or another woman- he is CHOOSING to cover the real issue with alcohol or infedility. Its a choice. And the consequence of that CHOICE is he no longer has me... not until he can CHOOSE to make decisions that aren't totally damaging to my well being... I'm not trying to change him. I don't really care anymore if he drinks or is with other women - I just am choosing for myself to not particpate in his life if he is... Hope that made sense!

I'm sorry!!!! Huge huge huge hugs for you!

[Traci08]

Activism is his medication, among other things. Its painful to watch the man I love be something that he didn't used to be. He is really missing out on being in our lives. He's chosen to do this, because it helps him make it through the day. He doesn't even come close to resembling the man I married. He's afraid that if he stops, he'll go back to feeling useless, worthless human being with absolutely no purpose in life. A committed relationship is too much.

If I show emotion to his actions, he gets angry about it. He tells me I am needy and doesn't need the drama in his life. Its painful when he talks this way too me. How can someone be too needy if you're already being avoided and ignored. I want so much for him to face this! Stop burying it and effing face it before he misses out on more of his sons life and our life together. I've been so patient, when am I ever going to be rewarded?

[jessi01]

Originally Posted by Traci08 Activism is his medication, among other things. Its painful to watch the man I love be something that he didn't used to be. He is really missing out on being in our lives. He's chosen to do this, because it helps him make it through the day. He doesn't even come close to resembling the man I married. He's afraid that if he stops, he'll go back to feeling useless, worthless human being with absolutely no purpose in life. A committed relationship is too much. If I show emotion to his actions, he gets angry about it. He tells me I am needy and doesn't need the drama in his life. Its painful when he talks this way too me. How can someone be too needy if you're already being avoided and ignored. I want so much for him to face this! Stop burying it and effing face it before he misses out on more of his sons life and our life together. I've been so patient, when am I ever going to be rewarded?

I'm sorry Traci, I know how you feel. I always want to give you advice, but you have more experience with this than I do, so I never know what the hell to say. I do not how you feel though. I found out that I wouldn't be rewarded for sticking it out and being patient. I got a divorce instead so nothing I did obviously made a difference to him. I hope things get better, if not for anyone else than for your son. That's just terrible. He needs his dad and your DH is going to regret what he's missing one day.

[Patience]

I am sorry that you are going through this. Are you going t Al-anon or at least reading some of their literature, which you can buy online at alanon.org? There are three really great daily readers, One Day At a Time, The Courage to Change, and Hope for Today. I try to read one or the other, substituting PTSD for alcoholism, each day and write a little about how it applies to my situation.
I wrote a book for kids about PTSD, Why Is Daddy Like He Is? It gently explains the symptoms and reassures the kid that it is not his fault that Daddy has PTSD and is distant/angry, etc. Email me your address and I will send you a copy.

[Patience]

Also he may see political activism as a way to end the war sooner, a mission he is on for his brothers...

[Traci08]

Originally Posted by Patience Also he may see political activism as a way to end the war sooner, a mission he is on for his brothers...

I think you're absolutely right on this. He not only protests the war, but he's for prop 8 and the legalization of gay marriage and getting them their rights as equals in this country. He's way into socialism, because he's all about being fair. In fact, that is where he is at right now, a conference, in which he is giving a speech at. He may hate crowds, but public speaking at these sort of things, gives him a feeling of being alive and he enjoys doing it. I don't want to ever discourage him for doing something he loves and is passionate about. I think its wonderful that he's found a place within our society that has accepted him, the veteran. The one that got it 'stuck' to him by our government, but I think it is unhealthy for a person to make it his goal in life, to break the machinery that 'broke' him. If he wants to do that, then he needs to start with himself THEN start to help others. I've told him this, but it seems that he doesn't think it would matter.

Jessi,
I may have more experience with this, but as you can clearly see, I too, lose sight and sometimes my strength. Its not always about what advice is given, sometimes all I need is a hug. Or a kick in the pants as to why I am doing all of this.