I think he's going through it

[DanielsMelissa]

to make a long story short

DB has been back from Iraq for a little over a week an everythings been great ... yesterday he literally picked a fight with me over a question I asked him (I wasn't having the best day either an I didn't react well) an then an hr later he broke down ... I have never in the 6 yrs we've been dating see him act like this ... My heart just ached for him an all I could do was hold him while he told me his fears ... the same week he came home he found his unit is being deployed again next yr ... his contract is also up 6 months after the expected deployment date so he's not sure if he will be picked or not He was telling me how he's changed an how when he went out the other night he didn't feel like he was connected with our friends anymore ... I knew its to soon for him to be going out (an staying out all night) an I told him but he wanted too ...

I have no one to talk about this too ... thank god he is much better today but now it worries me I told him he should call his SMsgt but he didnt want to ...

I guess I'm asking how can I help him with this ... I listened to him but I want to do more ... I love this man an he knows I am here for him no matter what.

[BJo]

Has he talked to a professional? It's only been a week. Cut him some slack for reintegration. The first month is difficult.

[DanielsMelissa]

Originally Posted by BrittanyJo Has he talked to a professional? It's only been a week. Cut him some slack for reintegration. The first month is difficult.

No an I suggested it an he doesn't want to talk to a professional ... I am trying to be patient with him an his reintegration which is why I told him going out an letting someone else chauffer him was bad b/c he will get home late but he didn't care yet called me at 4 am to say he got home an he wasn't happy about it being so late ... then he tells me how when he was there he felt so out of it like he didn't belong ... I am a pretty positive person when I talk to him an I told him he needed time ... our fight had nothing to do with that but an to be honest it shouldnt have been a fight he overreacted an boom all this came out of him ... I know he wants to be the person he was before this deployment but he is edgier now I just wish he didn't feel the need to have to go out all the time, he tells me he wants to take it easy but then we end up going out an I can't say No to him because he seems to find a reason to do it

[louisa85]

Sorry he is being like this.

If it's been a week, I'd wait a little before I worried too much. Coming back is stressful, let alone with another planned deployment already hanging over him. Still, you have been together for six years. Keep an eye out for continued conspicuously weird behavior, you probably know him well enough to spot that. If he does, you might want to encourage him to see someone.

[BJo]

Originally Posted by DanielsMelissa No an I suggested it an he doesn't want to talk to a professional ... I am trying to be patient with him an his reintegration which is why I told him going out an letting someone else chauffer him was bad b/c he will get home late but he didn't care yet called me at 4 am to say he got home an he wasn't happy about it being so late ... then he tells me how when he was there he felt so out of it like he didn't belong ... I am a pretty positive person when I talk to him an I told him he needed time ... our fight had nothing to do with that but an to be honest it shouldnt have been a fight he overreacted an boom all this came out of him ... I know he wants to be the person he was before this deployment but he is edgier now I just wish he didn't feel the need to have to go out all the time, he tells me he wants to take it easy but then we end up going out an I can't say No to him because he seems to find a reason to do it

It sounds like fairly normal reintegration issues. I think you need to give it more time. If it persists then yes, I would grow concerned.

[Traci08]

Originally Posted by BrittanyJo Has he talked to a professional? It's only been a week. Cut him some slack for reintegration. The first month is difficult.

What the **** is wrong with you? My god, do you ever have any ****ing encouraging words to say at all? I don't get you. No one is diagnosing him. She's concerned! And if you don't have any first-hand knowledge, then shut the **** up! Cut him some slack? Why don't YOU cut her some slack. I don't see anything wrong with her coming in here and posting what she did.

And to the author. I am pleased that you love your husband so much that you want to educate yourself on all of this. Whether it be about reintegration or PTSD. They show similar signs and its best TO come TO those that understand it. Its rough! Don't feel that you have to respond to Brittney here, she's one of the biggest *****es on this site. If you want someone to talk to, contact me. I'll help you, I'll give you some encouraging words. I won't judge you at all.

[Brandi]

I think it's really important for everyone to remember that this particular forum should be handled with great care, as emotions are obviously very high and anyone who is in here is probably feeling VERY sensitive, and trying to find an outlet. So, as cliche as it sounds, can we please offer support to one another?

I think this was mostly a big misunderstanding (probably of tone and intention) and I get that everyone's "support" comes in different forms and that's fine. Please though, let's show some compassion and please remain civil, especially in a thread like this.

[Traci08]

Originally Posted by Brandily I think it's really important for everyone to remember that this particular forum should be handled with great care, as emotions are obviously very high and anyone who is in here is probably feeling VERY sensitive, and trying to find an outlet. So, as cliche as it sounds, can we please offer support to one another? I think this was mostly a big misunderstanding (probably of tone and intention) and I get that everyone's "support" comes in different forms and that's fine. Please though, let's show some compassion and please remain civil, especially in a thread like this.

I apologize to you, Brandily. And I agree completely with what you stated. Having our husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, etc. is very hard to deal with. It is extremely hurtful, stressful and totally frustrating. Our emotions are all over the place, because we cannot open up to them, because they don't want to listen. I don't care if they've only been back a week or 4 weeks. Its still scary to have someone come home a changed person. Someone who was your best friend before deployment is now making you their enemy. It hurts being pushed away. It hurts knowing you cannot help. That is why I think we should encourage each other to educate themselves the best they can. Forums such as these do HELP! And I am grateful that I have found so many people on here who are going through what I am going through. This forum is NOT just about PTSD, its about post deployment. And I'd rather see others coming in here to find support to help them support their loved ones, then constantly walking into the wall that our significant others put up.

I meant no disrespect, but it does get tiresome to see the same person, come into these forums stating to let a professional diagnose him, rather than ourselves. Which it is true, we should do that, but, in the meantime, while we're waiting for them to realize they need help, there isn't any more we can do. The first step in healing your significant other, is healing yourself. And that is done by educating yourself on it and surrounding yourself with others who are going through the same things. Its such a relief to know that you're not alone. That he's not alone. That this change isn't any one person's fault. You cannot help him if you cannot help yourself first. And that means finding comfort anywhere you can.

[louisa85]

Originally Posted by Traci08 I apologize to you, Brandily. And I agree completely with what you stated. Having our husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, etc. is very hard to deal with. It is extremely hurtful, stressful and totally frustrating. Our emotions are all over the place, because we cannot open up to them, because they don't want to listen. I don't care if they've only been back a week or 4 weeks. Its still scary to have someone come home a changed person. Someone who was your best friend before deployment is now making you their enemy. It hurts being pushed away. It hurts knowing you cannot help. That is why I think we should encourage each other to educate themselves the best they can. Forums such as these do HELP! And I am grateful that I have found so many people on here who are going through what I am going through. This forum is NOT just about PTSD, its about post deployment. And I'd rather see others coming in here to find support to help them support their loved ones, then constantly walking into the wall that our significant others put up. I meant no disrespect, but it does get tiresome to see the same person, come into these forums stating to let a professional diagnose him, rather than ourselves. Which it is true, we should do that, but, in the meantime, while we're waiting for them to realize they need help, there isn't any more we can do. The first step in healing your significant other, is healing yourself. And that is done by educating yourself on it and surrounding yourself with others who are going through the same things. Its such a relief to know that you're not alone. That he's not alone. That this change isn't any one person's fault. You cannot help him if you cannot help yourself first. And that means finding comfort anywhere you can.

[Cav Girl]

all you can do is just be there and listen to him when he needs an ear. i think what you are doing so far is great. i know you want to take his pain away, but that is something that he is going to have to seek out himself. like the other poster said, it's only been a week and he needs time to reintegrate himself.