Preparing, could really use some advice - PTSD

SgtsSweetpea · 05-14-2009, 10:26 PM

Hey guys, I know I'm new here but I could really use some advice. My man is set to be home midnext month for R&R, it'll be our first for everything even though we are engaged (we were just friends when he left, interesting story lol). So this also means my first dealing with his PTSD. He has been treated and does VERY well and I am so proud of him. But I know that even with treatment there are triggers, and I dont know his yet. Any advice on certain things to avoid, how to deal when the nightmares happen, what to say when he has a break down? If the R&R is tough I plan on seeing a counselor to help me thru but I really want to be able to do this on my own (with support here and other places online).

hisgirl7477 · 05-15-2009, 09:52 AM

Well, my ex's triggers were (and they're diff. for everyone but some seem tobe pretty universal for soldiers)

Crowds - so don't expect your DB to want to go to a concert or anything like that
Fireworks or any loud noises - so if he's home for the 4th try to make other plans
Childen - this is one that I believe is more rare. Ex couldn't handle the chaos
Smells - mid eastern restaurnts would set him off, and sometimes burnning meat would. Dead animal smell (like road kill or even just a dead mouse in the walls) were the worst for him.
Movies - this i couldn't help. He loves his war movies and I'm not the kind of woman who would say he can and can't do anything. I would just prepare myself on nights when he'd be in war movie mode.
Music was huge for him.
Bright lights - they hurt him more than anything so he always wore sunglasses. i never said a word...

It helps to know you can't control triggers - they're going to happen. The best way we found to handle it is if I just said "hey, its normal. what do you want to do?" and whatever made him more comfortable we'd do.

With his nightmares I learned to never wake him out of it if I'm standing too close. Some people use a broom stick even. I used to get up and kind of touch his feet to wake him up. Or i'd let him sleep through it. Sometimes they'll come up fighting from a night terror so just be careful. We had a no weapons in the bedroom rule.

hmmm Oh and some of my other friends with PTSD really need to sit facing out in the room. So when I'm with them at restaurants and stuff I let them sit first.

But above all I treat him with th same respect you want to be treated with. Any outbursts he may have are TOTALLY normal. Ex and I eventually learned to laugh at it - espsecially his memory - hey, i never had to shop for new cute outfits cause he thought the same one was new every time i wore it.

We had lots of laughs at hte expense of his ptsd - once we became more open about it.

Good luck!!! Just learning about it will really help. You'll do great! Don't worry!!!!

SgtsSweetpea · 05-15-2009, 07:57 PM

Some of that I would have never thought of. Thank you so very much! I'm hoping I'm able to handle it as well as you seemed to!!

Songtan Sally · 05-15-2009, 07:59 PM

Don't ask him questions - let him talk if he wants but don't initiate the conversations. Things like "were there a lot of explosions?" kind of stuff.

Give him his space if he seems to need it. Don't take it personally if he gets mad or storms off.

It's a seriously difficult adjustment to come to a safe place from a war zone. One just can't turn it on and off, you know?

Songtan Sally · 05-15-2009, 08:00 PM

Oh and if you feel like screaming at him or getting pissed off or hurt or whatever, just count to ten, walk away and cool off, and come on here and primal scream in a vent to let it out and then, once it's off your chest, go back to him calm and relieved

We are HERE for you!!!

Geotech · 05-15-2009, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by SgtsSweetpea

Hey guys, I know I'm new here but I could really use some advice. My man is set to be home midnext month for R&R, it'll be our first for everything even though we are engaged (we were just friends when he left, interesting story lol). So this also means my first dealing with his PTSD. He has been treated and does VERY well and I am so proud of him. But I know that even with treatment there are triggers, and I dont know his yet. Any advice on certain things to avoid, how to deal when the nightmares happen, what to say when he has a break down? If the R&R is tough I plan on seeing a counselor to help me thru but I really want to be able to do this on my own (with support here and other places online).

Has he been diagnosed with PTSD, because it's not a given just cause the guy was in a war zone.

SgtsSweetpea · 05-15-2009, 11:20 PM

Yes he has been diagnosed and treated. He is doing MUCH better than his first two tours. I think I stated that in my first post, sorry if that wasn't clear.
Thanks for the advice Sally about the counting to ten or posting a Rant. Also he has talked about how you can't just shut it off. And when they do how thin that line is. He refers to it as "the switch". And how easily it can get turned back on.
I just want this to go as smoothly as possible.

05-14-2009, 10:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
SgtsSweetpea Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 10 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	Preparing, could really use some advice Hey guys, I know I'm new here but I could really use some advice. My man is set to be home midnext month for R&R, it'll be our first for everything even though we are engaged (we were just friends when he left, interesting story lol). So this also means my first dealing with his PTSD. He has been treated and does VERY well and I am so proud of him. But I know that even with treatment there are triggers, and I dont know his yet. Any advice on certain things to avoid, how to deal when the nightmares happen, what to say when he has a break down? If the R&R is tough I plan on seeing a counselor to help me thru but I really want to be able to do this on my own (with support here and other places online). __________________ ~~ I don't like missing you, but I love that I have you to miss ~~ No Fear, It's Bad Luck!!

05-15-2009, 07:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
SgtsSweetpea Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 10 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	Some of that I would have never thought of. Thank you so very much! I'm hoping I'm able to handle it as well as you seemed to!! __________________ ~~ I don't like missing you, but I love that I have you to miss ~~ No Fear, It's Bad Luck!!

05-15-2009, 07:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
Songtan Sally I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: South Korea, Osan AB Posts: 9,582 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 90% Longevity: 22%	Don't ask him questions - let him talk if he wants but don't initiate the conversations. Things like "were there a lot of explosions?" kind of stuff. Give him his space if he seems to need it. Don't take it personally if he gets mad or storms off. It's a seriously difficult adjustment to come to a safe place from a war zone. One just can't turn it on and off, you know? __________________ "You are taking it wrong and in a whole other direction. When someone looks at you and hate the way you look and shoot you that’s illiterate. When someone hurts your feelings and your in turn try to get revenge in an unlawful matter that’s illiterate. Got me now?"From http://www.urlesque.com/2009/11/12/f...&chzpost=30826, #5 Darwin Fail.

05-15-2009, 08:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
Songtan Sally I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: South Korea, Osan AB Posts: 9,582 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 90% Longevity: 22%	Oh and if you feel like screaming at him or getting pissed off or hurt or whatever, just count to ten, walk away and cool off, and come on here and primal scream in a vent to let it out and then, once it's off your chest, go back to him calm and relieved We are HERE for you!!! __________________ "You are taking it wrong and in a whole other direction. When someone looks at you and hate the way you look and shoot you that’s illiterate. When someone hurts your feelings and your in turn try to get revenge in an unlawful matter that’s illiterate. Got me now?"From http://www.urlesque.com/2009/11/12/f...&chzpost=30826, #5 Darwin Fail.

05-15-2009, 11:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
SgtsSweetpea Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 10 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 8%	Yes he has been diagnosed and treated. He is doing MUCH better than his first two tours. I think I stated that in my first post, sorry if that wasn't clear. Thanks for the advice Sally about the counting to ten or posting a Rant. Also he has talked about how you can't just shut it off. And when they do how thin that line is. He refers to it as "the switch". And how easily it can get turned back on. I just want this to go as smoothly as possible. __________________ ~~ I don't like missing you, but I love that I have you to miss ~~ No Fear, It's Bad Luck!!

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05-15-2009, 09:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
hisgirl7477 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 426 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 21%	Well, my ex's triggers were (and they're diff. for everyone but some seem tobe pretty universal for soldiers) Crowds - so don't expect your DB to want to go to a concert or anything like that Fireworks or any loud noises - so if he's home for the 4th try to make other plans Childen - this is one that I believe is more rare. Ex couldn't handle the chaos Smells - mid eastern restaurnts would set him off, and sometimes burnning meat would. Dead animal smell (like road kill or even just a dead mouse in the walls) were the worst for him. Movies - this i couldn't help. He loves his war movies and I'm not the kind of woman who would say he can and can't do anything. I would just prepare myself on nights when he'd be in war movie mode. Music was huge for him. Bright lights - they hurt him more than anything so he always wore sunglasses. i never said a word... It helps to know you can't control triggers - they're going to happen. The best way we found to handle it is if I just said "hey, its normal. what do you want to do?" and whatever made him more comfortable we'd do. With his nightmares I learned to never wake him out of it if I'm standing too close. Some people use a broom stick even. I used to get up and kind of touch his feet to wake him up. Or i'd let him sleep through it. Sometimes they'll come up fighting from a night terror so just be careful. We had a no weapons in the bedroom rule. hmmm Oh and some of my other friends with PTSD really need to sit facing out in the room. So when I'm with them at restaurants and stuff I let them sit first. But above all I treat him with th same respect you want to be treated with. Any outbursts he may have are TOTALLY normal. Ex and I eventually learned to laugh at it - espsecially his memory - hey, i never had to shop for new cute outfits cause he thought the same one was new every time i wore it. We had lots of laughs at hte expense of his ptsd - once we became more open about it. Good luck!!! Just learning about it will really help. You'll do great! Don't worry!!!!