Just have to update.... - PTSD

missingmyman · 05-09-2009, 04:37 PM

Well, my husband called the other night and said he had been thinking of me. I was kinda stand offish, but warm. he said he wanted to see me the following day.
the next day, he canceled AGAIN. so i just told him i love him, but i can't continue to be disappointed. it hurts my feelings. we got into an arguement and i ended up texting him that im tired of this **** and how it makes me feel. its my fault for getting my hopes up but damn. i wrote i just dont get u anymore.

the next day he called anyways and said he saw how upset i was. he said i guess ur sick of me huh. i responded it's not that i'm sick of u. the decisions ur making w/ur life r affecting me negatively.

long story short:

he came over, called on his way to tell me he was on his way. we went to a nice dinner. i drank (and had a nice buzz) but he didn't. we laughed and had a good time. he stayed then the next day we went to the movies. had a great time.
on the way home from the movie i was like "so what do u have planned tonight?" he said "well, i have to go home, but i'd like to come back over if u'd let me."
AND he did. we had a nice dinner at home and he stayed another night.
We kept everything light hearted. didn't talk too deep. he did say he wanted to start doing what he says he'll do and not let me down.

he had trouble sleeping and slept in. i came in and he was in a weird mood. i told him I knew he had a to leave today and not to worry about hurting my feelings. he does have other things. i told him i had a great 2 days with him.
he was in "one of his moods," where he just is down but doesn't know why.

So he left and I had the best time with him. he did sweet things and made me laugh. So many times in the past something good happens and then something bad happens. so i am trying to stay positive, but it killed me to watch him go.

i just need to focus on me and the positive progress, right? it's just never easy saying goodbye to my husband.....

Traci08 · 05-09-2009, 05:56 PM

That's great! Just remember for every step forward there will always be two steps backward.

ArmyWife1990 · 05-09-2009, 08:04 PM

I'm glad you were able to have 2 good days with him. Keep staying positive and supportive.

ProudGFofJames · 05-09-2009, 08:05 PM

Enjoy the good days. :/

StarryEyes · 05-11-2009, 02:21 AM

I'm glad you got to spend 2 days with him! Awesome! Continue to take care of you, though. The stronger and better you feel about you, the more supportive you can be of him.

That's good that he told you he's going to try and work on things. The fact that he CHOSE to spend 2 nights with you shows that he's trying. A lot of baby steps...and patience....but take care of you!!

missingmyman · 05-11-2009, 04:57 PM

Great advice!

I actually caught up with him Saturday night. When he saw me, he just cheesed from ear to ear! I could tell he was happy to see me (which made me feel like he didn't have anything to hide, also). He came home with me and spent the night. He went home last night. We talked and he said he wanted to see me today.

Now........I realize I have a trust issue with him and it is not being able to have faith that he won't blow me off. Like I want to get excited about seeing him tonight, but i feel like he is going to blow me off soon bc things have been doing well.

So, good advice: I will take baby steps and work on me. Patience with him and me.....

Traci08 · 05-11-2009, 08:44 PM

I know how you feel. I do not get overly excited when Duane says he'll come down to see us. Because he never follows through 99 % of the time. And that 1 % of the time he does, he'll only stay for maybe an hour.

missingmyman · 05-12-2009, 04:26 PM

Ok...........so he called last night and told me a buddy he deployed w/was in town. lss: he said he wasn't coming over and would like to see me tomorrow (which is today). I told him I had plans. Then he told me he had a great time with me this weekend and would talk to me soon.

So i have plans tonight and i plan on not picking up if he calls.

i knew not to trust that he was coming. why couldn't he just say "why don't u meet us in an hour or two?" why did he just have to cancel? is he lying and meeting a girl? and why am i doubting him.

this seperation has really hurt my trust in him......

but i'm going out tonight

LuvsHarleys · 05-12-2009, 04:43 PM

Just take one good day at a time. Try to enjoy the good times with him, pretty soon the times will start adding up and things will take a turn for the overall better.

StarryEyes · 05-14-2009, 01:10 AM

I think you did a great thing by sticking to your plans and going out. That shows that you have boundaries and that you will do what you need to do for yourself. You're not constantly tip-toeing around him, and i'm sure he noticed that.

Perhaps his deployment buddy really did come into town. He probably wanted to spend some time alone with that friend,...i'm sure they had a lot to talk about. Their deployments, memories, what's going on with them right now, etc. A lot to catch up on, and having you around probably wouldn't have left enough room for them to catch up!

I'm sure it was nothing personal!!

Try not to worry so much about it right now. Right now enjoy some time for you, lady!! Hope your night went fab, and that you didn't answer his calls, since you said you weren't going to. Keep your boundaries okay...it's important. I think you're doing a brilliant job so far!! Stay Strong!!!

05-09-2009, 04:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
missingmyman Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 150 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	Just have to update.... Well, my husband called the other night and said he had been thinking of me. I was kinda stand offish, but warm. he said he wanted to see me the following day. the next day, he canceled AGAIN. so i just told him i love him, but i can't continue to be disappointed. it hurts my feelings. we got into an arguement and i ended up texting him that im tired of this **** and how it makes me feel. its my fault for getting my hopes up but damn. i wrote i just dont get u anymore. the next day he called anyways and said he saw how upset i was. he said i guess ur sick of me huh. i responded it's not that i'm sick of u. the decisions ur making w/ur life r affecting me negatively. long story short: he came over, called on his way to tell me he was on his way. we went to a nice dinner. i drank (and had a nice buzz) but he didn't. we laughed and had a good time. he stayed then the next day we went to the movies. had a great time. on the way home from the movie i was like "so what do u have planned tonight?" he said "well, i have to go home, but i'd like to come back over if u'd let me." AND he did. we had a nice dinner at home and he stayed another night. We kept everything light hearted. didn't talk too deep. he did say he wanted to start doing what he says he'll do and not let me down. he had trouble sleeping and slept in. i came in and he was in a weird mood. i told him I knew he had a to leave today and not to worry about hurting my feelings. he does have other things. i told him i had a great 2 days with him. he was in "one of his moods," where he just is down but doesn't know why. So he left and I had the best time with him. he did sweet things and made me laugh. So many times in the past something good happens and then something bad happens. so i am trying to stay positive, but it killed me to watch him go. i just need to focus on me and the positive progress, right? it's just never easy saying goodbye to my husband..... __________________ [CENTER

05-09-2009, 05:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 601 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 25%	That's great! Just remember for every step forward there will always be two steps backward. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

05-09-2009, 08:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
ArmyWife1990 Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Iowa Posts: 496 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 17%	I'm glad you were able to have 2 good days with him. Keep staying positive and supportive. __________________

05-09-2009, 08:05 PM	#4 (permalink)
ProudGFofJames Amanda LOVES her friends. Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Stuart, Iowa. Posts: 601 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 20%	Enjoy the good days. :/ __________________ Proud MSOS wife to: Marinesbabygirl9 I'm ME, and only me. *i need a new siggy, for the new chapter in my life. Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/amandapunelli?ref=name

05-11-2009, 02:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
StarryEyes Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 265 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 40%	I'm glad you got to spend 2 days with him! Awesome! Continue to take care of you, though. The stronger and better you feel about you, the more supportive you can be of him. That's good that he told you he's going to try and work on things. The fact that he CHOSE to spend 2 nights with you shows that he's trying. A lot of baby steps...and patience....but take care of you!! __________________

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05-11-2009, 04:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
missingmyman Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 150 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	Great advice! I actually caught up with him Saturday night. When he saw me, he just cheesed from ear to ear! I could tell he was happy to see me (which made me feel like he didn't have anything to hide, also). He came home with me and spent the night. He went home last night. We talked and he said he wanted to see me today. Now........I realize I have a trust issue with him and it is not being able to have faith that he won't blow me off. Like I want to get excited about seeing him tonight, but i feel like he is going to blow me off soon bc things have been doing well. So, good advice: I will take baby steps and work on me. Patience with him and me..... __________________ [CENTER

05-11-2009, 08:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
Traci08 Not all war wounds are visible. Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 601 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 25%	I know how you feel. I do not get overly excited when Duane says he'll come down to see us. Because he never follows through 99 % of the time. And that 1 % of the time he does, he'll only stay for maybe an hour. __________________ We were married under the waterfalls behind the Flamingo in Las Vegas, January 14, 2005.

05-12-2009, 04:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
missingmyman Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 150 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	Ok...........so he called last night and told me a buddy he deployed w/was in town. lss: he said he wasn't coming over and would like to see me tomorrow (which is today). I told him I had plans. Then he told me he had a great time with me this weekend and would talk to me soon. So i have plans tonight and i plan on not picking up if he calls. i knew not to trust that he was coming. why couldn't he just say "why don't u meet us in an hour or two?" why did he just have to cancel? is he lying and meeting a girl? and why am i doubting him. this seperation has really hurt my trust in him...... but i'm going out tonight __________________ [CENTER

05-12-2009, 04:43 PM	#9 (permalink)
LuvsHarleys Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,917 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 48%	Just take one good day at a time. Try to enjoy the good times with him, pretty soon the times will start adding up and things will take a turn for the overall better.

05-14-2009, 01:10 AM	#10 (permalink)
StarryEyes Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 265 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 40%	I think you did a great thing by sticking to your plans and going out. That shows that you have boundaries and that you will do what you need to do for yourself. You're not constantly tip-toeing around him, and i'm sure he noticed that. Perhaps his deployment buddy really did come into town. He probably wanted to spend some time alone with that friend,...i'm sure they had a lot to talk about. Their deployments, memories, what's going on with them right now, etc. A lot to catch up on, and having you around probably wouldn't have left enough room for them to catch up! I'm sure it was nothing personal!! Try not to worry so much about it right now. Right now enjoy some time for you, lady!! Hope your night went fab, and that you didn't answer his calls, since you said you weren't going to. Keep your boundaries okay...it's important. I think you're doing a brilliant job so far!! Stay Strong!!! __________________