Email From Carla

[Traci08]

I posted an article from Carla Wills-Brandon on a couple of the threads here. I hope that you guys took the time to read it. It was about PTSD and how it affects the family life and not just the person who has it. I emailed her recently and she responded. The emails are here as follows:

Carla,
I just wanted to thank you for one of your posts about PTSD and how it affects family and not just the person with PTSD. It has helped me through so many hard times. When I am feeling unloved and unwanted by my husband who suffers from it, I read that post and I feel a little relieved to know that I am not the only one going through this and that no matter what people say around me, that don't believe he has it, that when I read that post, it proves to me that he does. He is everything you mentioned in your post. With a few exceptions. He is fine around everyone else, but when its me and him, he takes his anger and frustration out on me. The others don't see it. We are currently separated because of this, he wasn't getting any help for it and I wanted to be there for him so much, but as he pushed me away even more, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was diagnosed with MDD recently and am taking medication for it and it has improved me greatly! I am more patient with him and in turn he isn't as stressed and we're able to get along without the arguments. We're suppose to start marriage counseling soon and I am hoping that is what we both need to get reconnected with each other again after all this plus a 15 month long deployment. Thanks so much for writing that post, it has been very informative and extremely helpful to me.

Traci Linton

Carla's response:

Hi Traci,

I'm so grateful the article was of use. When we're living with someone who won't take responsibility for their PTSD it feels insane. We never know from one minute to the next how they will behave. Triggers in the here and now pull up feelings related to past trauma, but as opposed to recognizing this, emotion is often displaced on to those who the sufferer feels the safest with. That would be you.

Your job is to not enable this sort of behavior. Your husbands needs specific assistance for PTSD and if you enable this, become his emotional dumping ground, you aren't doing yourself or him and favors. When worked right the V.A. has great resources. There are also wonderful PTSD support groups for Vets and at times, spouses. Use all resources.

When he "buds to blow" you need to get out of his way. In one of my books I talk a lot about this - I think its in "Learning To Say No." Best of luck and take care of you.

Carla

Carla Wills-Brandon
www.CarlaWillsBrandon.com
This to some would appear an old, old, soul;
yet all souls are as one--they were all of the same;
for soul is eternal. Edgar Cayce

[hisgirl7477]

Traci could you post the link to the original article you're talking about -I really would love to read it.

Thank you!

[Traci08]

http://www.carlawillsbrandon.com/car...ABF9E0BA5.html

Here is the article. This has been my PTSD Bible!

[hisgirl7477]

Thank you Traci for the link - I'll read it right away.

If you're interested, a fabulous resource for me has been Patience Mason's work. She has free articles for download on her site www.patiencepress.com. I read How PTSD Affects Families at least once a month - it helps me center when he's acting up.

[Traci08]

Thanks, I will take a look at those too. Sometimes its great to have things to read so you're not thinking you're insane from time to time. Its a great way for me to feel at ease to know that what he does, effects me the way it does and gives me a reason for why he's doing it.

[Traci08]

I actually have issue #2 saved as a bookmark on my computer. :p I didn't realize this was the same site. I've had that issue saved for many months now.