Not sure if I can handle it anymore...

[Sonyador]

Today was his worst episode. DF's gotten somewhat violent at work. He hit a wall. He's yelled at people. He's yelled at me. He's been extremely anti-social lately.
They have him on all kinds of meds and going to therapy. He's had suicidal thoughts lately. And expressed them to his therapist.

Today...
was more than crazy....

He's never acted out towards me. He's had some random outbursts of anger. But never gone past the harsh words. He's raised his voice a few times, but never actually yelled.
We got home from taking the puppy to Shayna and saying our goodbyes for her to drive back to Dallas.
We got into an argument. It was over something so small I don't remember. He started yelling at me, calling me every name in the book. That's when it escalated to a new high. He started pushing me around the kitchen, which isn't big. And then he smacked me 2x in the face. I had to get out of my house. But I don't know anyone in the area. so I called a girl from the board, and she came and got me. She heard him threatening me that if I didn't leave, something bad was going to happen to me. She came and got me, and we went to her house so he could cool off. He called her house, and got on the phone with me. I told him I didn't know if I could handle him and all this with me being pregnant. He got sooo mad and was threatening suicide. Then hung up. He left us no choice but to call the cops.
We came back over and talked to the cops and told them what happened and what was going on. We went back to her house, talked, and watched The Eye.
He called, and said he was cleaning house. After a while, she brought me home. And we did some talking. and just hung out. I told him he needs to start talking to me. Telling me what's going on.

Well, tomorrow, thanks to his sgt, we're starting couples therapy. He's going to his therapist 2x a week. and he's got supervision when taking his meds, and they record it on a piece of paper.
His higher up aren't happy that their sunday breakfast and church session was interrupted for what happened. So now they're taking it more seriously.

But can someone explain to me.. why on earth his therapist wouldn't do anything if he says he's been having suicidal thoughts?? That's a little ridiculous.

This week, my friend and I are looking for an off-post therapist for both DF and I to talk to. We will get things taken care of and fixed. I won't give up on him.
It's just so rough.

[jhlyon51906]

my prayers are with you. You did the right thing by leaving and letting him cool off. Make sure if you think it's going to get to that point again, just go, go to the neighbors, wherever you can, it won't matter if they don't know you, they'll at least let you use the phone. And I'm happy that you guys are getting help. and be careful. (not saying that he would really hurt you, but PTSD makes ppl do things they wouldn't normally do) ETA: you're right for not giving up, he needs you now more than ever.

[=Mrs.AiNokeA=]

Oh wow sweetie that's tough. I'm so sorry you are both going through this and I have no idea why his therapist wouldn't do anything to help him if he feels suicidal. I really hope the couples therapy works and he can get back to the way he used to be.

[Sonyador]

He's been calm since I got home. And we've talked a little. But his meds knock him out, so he's been asleep since like 7. So I've had a lot of time to do some venting and thinking. I'm googling and trying to find a therapist off post. UGH! I don't know where to start

[Sonyador]

When we were fighting, and I was packing my stuff to leave, I asked him if he wanted updates on his baby and to know when sheorhe was born, and he said he didnt even care about the baby anymore.

Tonight, when talking, he apologized for that, along with a million other things, and said he only said it to hurt me. I told him he CANT just say things to hurt me. Honesty can be worse than a lie.

[amazinggrace]

I'm so sorry this is happening. I really he gets the help he needs and deserves. Please keep yourself and that tiny Baby inside you safe. If that means you have to leave for a while that is ok, you are still supporting him. In his right mind he wouldn't want to hurt you or your child. That is something he could not take back.

[my.hero's.mrs]

I'm glad you left for your safety and your unborn child's safety too. It's great that you aren't giving up on him but you need to always be sure to have an exit plan. Where can you go if that member isn't available to help? Do you have any phone numbers to his command so that they can help if you need it badly enough? Maybe you can meet some fellow wives that can provide a safe haven for you if he reacts this way again.

I don't know where to tell you to go to find an off-post therapist but I think if you contact the therapists office that he goes to, they can recommend off-base offices to call. I know they do that here with medical doctors and such, so I would think its the same with mental health too.

Hang in there but always have your eyes open. I'm keeping you in my thoughts. You are so strong for returning to him and being so willing to help him through all of this.

[kaaau]

I'm glad you got yourself somplace safe. I would get another opinion about his meds. Different meds give different reactions. Since I know several people who deal/have dealt with this I just want to put that out there. When they were on the wrong combination for them, their outbursts became worse. Certain meds can also cause suicidal thoughts. I only mention it because I know directly of two cases that this was the case. Find someone who will really work closely with him to see if a different combination will work better to keep things under control. That is what they did and now their spouse is becoming a very loving person once again. When they find it you will see a difference in his behavior.

Therapy will be a big help as well for both of you as well. Don't give up but stay safe. My prayers will be with you all.

[kathy6504]

wow you are so strong not to give up... i commend you

[thekels9]

Wow Sonya, I know we haven't actually met yet, and wasn't actually in town yesterday, but if you need anything, I hope you don't hesitate to contact me.

Try the Army OneSource website and see if you can call them for help on the therapy sessions. I'm not sure if you have to be a spouse or not, but it's worth a shot.