When your DB/DH just refuses to tell you anything... - PTSD

lbuconn · 05-12-2008, 08:33 PM

Have any of you ever reached out to their best friends to try and get a clearer picture of what they're going through. One of my DB's good friends and I talk sometimes and I wanted to know if it would be too pushy or wrong to try and talk to HIM a little bit about DB? The thing is, DB's family is old fashioned Portuguese. Meaning they don't speak that much english, at least not enough to comprehend what I would be saying, and they also want to stay out of DB's relationship life until he gets married. I don't understand why, but they're like that. And his younger brother and I aren't very close, he's kind of off in his own world and doesn't like to get involved either. DB considers his friends in the army as his family so they are the ones that know about him the best.

~~browneyedbeauty~~ · 05-12-2008, 08:40 PM

Oh of course. If you're worried ask around.

alethea · 05-12-2008, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by lbuconn

Have any of you ever reached out to their best friends to try and get a clearer picture of what they're going through. One of my DB's good friends and I talk sometimes and I wanted to know if it would be too pushy or wrong to try and talk to HIM a little bit about DB? The thing is, DB's family is old fashioned Portuguese. Meaning they don't speak that much english, at least not enough to comprehend what I would be saying, and they also want to stay out of DB's relationship life until he gets married. I don't understand why, but they're like that. And his younger brother and I aren't very close, he's kind of off in his own world and doesn't like to get involved either. DB considers his friends in the army as his family so they are the ones that know about him the best.

DB is from a Portuguese family too. I can talk to his mom, but he doesn't tell her much and she doesn't push much. His dad just stays out of it completely (he doesn't even know who I am). Communication can be hard.
Does he have any siblings? I'd talk to them. And I think that it's appropriate to reach out a bit. Just be careful about boundaries, things that you know that he wouldn't want you to cross, you know?

WGs_Grrl · 05-12-2008, 09:56 PM

If I were truly scared for his life, I would. Otherwise, I wouldn't breach that relationship and try to break their confidentiality...

kiwimumoftwo · 05-29-2008, 04:50 PM

No I wouldn't - you're right, the military is like their "family" which is not to say we're not important, but from experience what happens whilst deployed isn't talked about (depends on your boyfriend's job though - mine is prevented from talking about it) unless it's with their friends/members of their unit or others who've experienced such situations. For myself I just accept there's a huge part of my boyfriend's life that I will never know anything about - sometimes he says something and I get a "glimpse" and it's a window of opportunity to ask one or two questions. We have communication/translation problems - English is one of 7 languages he speaks LOL - I hope from hearing other people's points of view that it helps you decide what's best in your situation. Good luck.

rcwant2be · 05-29-2008, 04:57 PM

I have become good fiends with one of db's friends who is also close with db's fam. He has been very helpful. I call him the lil matchmaker.

Posted via Mobile Device

~~LovinganMP~~ · 06-01-2008, 10:07 AM

i feel like it fits their..."man code''. I personally don't want to know HALF the stuff he goes through unless it's just horrible. puts TOO many thoughts in my head about what's going on plus when he tells me i feel helpless...so i would rather him reach out to someone who understands...and i will be here when he is READY to talk....but i wouldn't push it until he is.

05-12-2008, 08:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
lbuconn Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Connecticut Posts: 12 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 26%	When your DB/DH just refuses to tell you anything... Have any of you ever reached out to their best friends to try and get a clearer picture of what they're going through. One of my DB's good friends and I talk sometimes and I wanted to know if it would be too pushy or wrong to try and talk to HIM a little bit about DB? The thing is, DB's family is old fashioned Portuguese. Meaning they don't speak that much english, at least not enough to comprehend what I would be saying, and they also want to stay out of DB's relationship life until he gets married. I don't understand why, but they're like that. And his younger brother and I aren't very close, he's kind of off in his own world and doesn't like to get involved either. DB considers his friends in the army as his family so they are the ones that know about him the best. __________________ ---- Lauren

05-12-2008, 09:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
WGs_Grrl My Life is My Own Again! YAY!! Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: NoVA/He's on a boat right now, but stationed in Japan Posts: 2,649 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 27%	If I were truly scared for his life, I would. Otherwise, I wouldn't breach that relationship and try to break their confidentiality... __________________

05-29-2008, 04:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
kiwimumoftwo Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,084 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 25%	No I wouldn't - you're right, the military is like their "family" which is not to say we're not important, but from experience what happens whilst deployed isn't talked about (depends on your boyfriend's job though - mine is prevented from talking about it) unless it's with their friends/members of their unit or others who've experienced such situations. For myself I just accept there's a huge part of my boyfriend's life that I will never know anything about - sometimes he says something and I get a "glimpse" and it's a window of opportunity to ask one or two questions. We have communication/translation problems - English is one of 7 languages he speaks LOL - I hope from hearing other people's points of view that it helps you decide what's best in your situation. Good luck. __________________ "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope". Jeremiah 29:11

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05-12-2008, 08:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~browneyedbeauty~~ Banned Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 6,424 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 27%	Oh of course. If you're worried ask around.

05-29-2008, 04:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
rcwant2be IMAFOX Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Seattle Posts: 13,525 Blog Entries: 4 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 0% Longevity: 38%	I have become good fiends with one of db's friends who is also close with db's fam. He has been very helpful. I call him the lil matchmaker. Posted via Mobile Device

06-01-2008, 10:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
~~LovinganMP~~ Banned Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Fort Drum NY Posts: 375 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 26%	i feel like it fits their..."man code''. I personally don't want to know HALF the stuff he goes through unless it's just horrible. puts TOO many thoughts in my head about what's going on plus when he tells me i feel helpless...so i would rather him reach out to someone who understands...and i will be here when he is READY to talk....but i wouldn't push it until he is.