What's ur experience w their reaction to combat?

[KSS]

Hey Ladies,

I'm wondering how your DH or DB reacted to seeing combat/ being in bad combat.

My DB seems to have reacted pretty strongly I think. This deployment was his first in direct combat and at first he just made statements in passing - about how good he was getting at 'one to the head, and two to the chest', then he started saying things like: I wouldnt like him the way he is now, or that the 'old' him is gone. He started shutting down about then, I think. Not telling me anything much, just that they lost someone, or there were some KIA, and some WIA etc...

About a month ago, when I started worrying that he seemed to not care about whether I existed anymore, he came out with a longish email saying that he was shut down, that he was changed, he'd seen so much blood and death that I'd be changed too, and that he was like jekyl and hyde - calm in the day and at war at night.

A week or so later he said he was incapable of dealing with all the expectations from people at home, family, friends, me and it was stressing him out. He didn't know if he was going to come home alive, and he didn't know what would happen even if he did. Then he said that I was too kind and good, and should be wary of him. And then suggested it would be better for me if we broke off contact.

I was devastated and completely shocked, but I said no of course that wasn't what I wanted, that I loved him and cared about him and that he should just be in contact when he felt ok about it, etc...

A week or so after that he had a mission where 50 or insurgents were killed, and he came on chat to say he was overwhelmed, there were bodies everywhere, and he didn't want to talk.

That was 10 days or so ago, and no news since then.

I guess its not entirely out of the ordinary to react that way to the killing, the fear and the death. I just wonder what happens next? He's still got 5 months out there.

Has anyone experienced this before?
Does it pass? Is this what PTSD is about? Should I just wait it out? Should I challenge his new view as unlovable and dangerous??

Any experiences would be very welcome!!

[SuzyQ]

First of all, I wanted to send you a big hug, as I can truly relate to what you're saying.

Let me introduce myself first, as this is my first post. My name is Sue, and I have heard great things about this group, so I decided to join. My DF just returned from Iraq on August 31 from a 15 month deployment.

Reading all of your concerns brought me back to my many concerns when my DF was deployed. He was never as vocal as your DB has been with you....well not at least when he was overseas. Since he has been home, he has told me "some" things.

I found myself noticing small things when he came home last February for his 2 week R&R, but I just attributed his "distance" as to his distraction with his squad still being "there", while he was home. Over the last 6 months of his deployment I found myself feeling hurt and concerned and confused regarding his lack of emotion toward everything.........things going on in Iraq, us, etc. It was THE most difficult time, simply because I couldn't see him with my own eyes to actually see how he truly felt, so this caused me great worry.

Now that he's home, we have been talking lots of times, and he has been able to explain to me that he did distance himself from LOTS of things while he was overseas, as it just seemed to be easier to handle for him that way at that time. But now that he is home, he still uses that "distancing", I guess you could say, as a way for him to deal with things. He has been home for almost three months, so that worries me just because he is still handling things that way.

To answer your question, especially, as should you challenge his feeling as unlovable...........I would definitely say NO!! I found myself doing that sometimes, and you'll end up beating yourself up inside and making yourself crazy. I would say as hard and difficult as it is at times, simply try to be there for him in any possible way you can, so he will know that he has you right there by his side.

I would also ask him if he is talking with anyone at his base, like a chaplain or a combat stress counselor. I know that my DF did while he was overseas.

I look forward to hear how he's doing. Hang in there!!