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Thread: POST DEPLOYMENT REINTRIGATION ADVICE

  1. I'm not drunk, you're just blurry.
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    #11
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    OP I merged your threads both containing information regarding post deployment advice! Its against TOS to post the same thread in different parts of the board, and while your original posts were not verbatim exactly alike each other, the question was the same in regards to subject matter.

    But I am sorry you and your family are having a hard time with your wife's return from deployment! I do hope things get better for you two, counseling is a good start for her even if it is with hesitation on her part! A lot of the members here have given some good advice, I hope things work out for you!


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    #12
    I was a little surprised to see you mention leaving. Is it possible there is more at play here than just reintegration troubles? The fact that you are mentioning leaving after only 4 months of troubles makes me wonder if you are fully committed, and if it really was a happy and healthy relationship before the reintegration.

    If she doesn't want counseling for depression, how about couples counseling (which generally seems less scary for people regarding their command, and in general, since it is about the relationship health, rather than mental health issues specifically)? Have you asked her to do that with you?
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #13
    our relationship was very good and strong,
    Last edited by DIGZ; 11-18-2015 at 01:50 PM.
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    #14
    Also 1 last thing to add, she wasn't in a combat zone,,,,,so has anyone had experience with someone who came back not in a combat zone but still had these issues?
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    our relationship was very good and strong, before and during the deployment,,,,,,when I ask her about the future she has nothing to say or commit to (I understand that question was probably to early to ask right after a deployment) all she says is im with you now, I cannot commit to the future,,,,,so with that being said I just don't know if I wanna stick it out just to be divorced,,,,,,she has just changed so much its crazy, its hard to see a future with us when our relationship is so bad right now, its like living with a stranger,,,she is seeing a counselor at the VA (1 time so far) and I will jump in after a couple more sessions and we have a military couples marriage retreat planned in jan. but its hard to stay positive because if she is depressed I don't think marriage counseling will work,,,,,i'm a little negative right now haha,,,,,,sorry for all the whining
    I couples retreat is not what you need. You need couples counseling. You can be negative about it, or you can give it a try. What do you have to lose? Isn't it worth it to try something and give your marriage a chance? Rather than throw away 10 years with the mother of your kids who you say you love(d), because you feel negative about one of the options?

    Also, couples counseling could convince her she needs to more seriously address her depression. You can't go in to it thinking that is the one and only goal, but it is certainly one possibility, so using the depression as a reason not to even try counseling is counter-intuitive.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #16
    i'm all for coup
    Last edited by DIGZ; 11-18-2015 at 01:50 PM.
  7. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #17
    I suggest you gather some more information on depression, because I feel you are misunderstanding what it is and how it can be treated, and how a person can be helped.

    To say counseling won't work for depression is incorrect. While it may not be the only thing, it can help. But even counseling can only do so much if a person doesn't want to be helped.
    Your wife could be in denial, she doesn't believe she has anything wrong with her that needs 'curing', she will have to get a counselor or the like to tell her she has a problem. To your wife, could be that she thinks everything with her is fine, and everyone else has a problem.

    I agree with villanelle.. do you really want to throw away 10 years? seems kind of shitty to me to just give up before even trying.. that's not a sign of love or 'for better or for worse'

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  8. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #18
    It also wouldn't hurt for you to get your own individual counseling. There is a lot going on, and a lot of emotions you are going through and it would be wise to get them in check before you make rash decisions or throw blame and such elsewhere.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #19
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    hello, im a male spouse of a
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    Ok thanks so much for your advice and input
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    thanks for imput
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    My wife
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    well ill try to m
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    yeah
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    our relationship was very good and strong,
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    Also 1 last thing to add, she wasn't in a combat zone,,,,,so has anyone had experience with someone who came back not in a combat zone but still had these issues?
    Quote Originally Posted by DIGZ View Post
    i'm all for coup
    So you come on here and ask for advice, people take the time to respond to you, then you delete everything. That's incredibly rude.




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