Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Help with transitioning

  1. Fresh Newbie
    campba414's Avatar
    campba414 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    1
    #1

    Help with transitioning

    Advertisements
    So my military man and I started dating after he came home from being deployed in Afghanistan for 11 months. Hes an Infantryman in the Army National Guard.
    He has only been home for a few months now. He told me the other day that he has a hard time sleeping, that he'll either not dream at all or he has really bad dreams. Sometimes he wakes up and he looks terrified, I know hes dreaming about being back over there. He warned me not to wake him up because it scares him and Ive seen this first hand when the alarm clock goes off in the morning. He'll sit straight up, extremely fast when this happens. I wish I knew what to say to him to make him feel better but I've never dated anyone in the military before this. I told him that maybe we need to make new happy memories from being home so that he'll have some fresh and happy memories to dream about instead. I also told him that things will get better but its going to take some time to adjust. I don't know what else to tell him, but I do know that I hate to see him like that. So does anyone have any advice? I know I cant fix things for him but I want to do whatever I can to make him feel better. I worry about him.
  2. Senior Member
    carmel11725's Avatar
    carmel11725 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    8,144
    #2
    Just make it known that you're there to listen whenever he wants/needs. He has to sort out these adjustments on his own. He was gone for 11 months, that's a long time to create new habits in a new environment...it may take him just as long to create new habits back home. Patience, for the both of you.
  3. Senior Member
    belovedreamery's Avatar
    belovedreamery is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,347
    Blog Entries
    7
    #3
    Yes, patience. DF just came home from AFG & he was in Iraq years ago. He still has occasional nightmares.
    "You think you know what you're looking for, till what you're looking for finds you."
  4. Senior Member
    Alilyoyo1's Avatar
    Alilyoyo1 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    696
    #4
    DB was in the marines for 8 years, came back 3 years ago. He still has nightmares. I just let him know I love him and he can talk or not but I'm always here when he needs me and NOTHING he says will change the way I feel about him.
  5. Fresh Newbie
    BeenThere's Avatar
    BeenThere is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    7
    #5

    Secondary critical incident survivor

    Quote Originally Posted by campba414 View Post
    So my military man and I started dating after he came home from being deployed in Afghanistan for 11 months. Hes an Infantryman in the Army National Guard.
    He has only been home for a few months now. He told me the other day that he has a hard time sleeping, that he'll either not dream at all or he has really bad dreams. Sometimes he wakes up and he looks terrified, I know hes dreaming about being back over there. He warned me not to wake him up because it scares him and Ive seen this first hand when the alarm clock goes off in the morning. He'll sit straight up, extremely fast when this happens. I wish I knew what to say to him to make him feel better but I've never dated anyone in the military before this. I told him that maybe we need to make new happy memories from being home so that he'll have some fresh and happy memories to dream about instead. I also told him that things will get better but its going to take some time to adjust. I don't know what else to tell him, but I do know that I hate to see him like that. So does anyone have any advice? I know I cant fix things for him but I want to do whatever I can to make him feel better. I worry about him.
    Dear campba414,
    Needles to say, a deployment is a very stressful event. Especially a long 11-month deployment. So it's "normal" that your boyfriend is experiencing nightmares as residual symptoms of being under a lot of stress. He may or may not have experienced trauma during the deployment, but just by knowing about critical incidents that were going on around him makes him a secondary survivor of a critical or traumatizing incident. There isn't much you can do, except what you have been doing. Offer him love an support and , as the other awesome posts said, be patient. It may take months for him to be able to process all of the emotions, memories, and experiences of his deployment and find healthy ways to cope with the bad experiences.
    On a personal note, I met my husband 2 months after he came back from Iraq. When we got married, 7 months later, he was still having nightmares and would jump up at the sound of the alarm clock too. One day, several months later, I woke him up in the middle of the night because I was feeling sic and needed help. In a slip second he jumped on top of me and put his hand on my throat and the other hand was in a fist ready to punch me. He was asleep the whole time. It took me slapping him a few times for him to open his eyes and wake up. Hang in there and be patient. But also be strong and offer him support. If he wants to talk he will.
    Carry on lady!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •