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Thread: Issues with family since deployment/PTSD

  1. Fresh Newbie
    alixbowman's Avatar
    alixbowman is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Issues with family since deployment/PTSD

    Hi all,

    I have been researching and researching online to find an answer to my questions. I am hoping you all have some help with this. My boyfriend came home from Afghanistan Thanksgiving 2011, and he has had many issues since then. His PTSD has gotten progressively worse... I don't know what to do. I have slight PTSD myself from a past abusive relationship, but that doesn't even compare to what he has going on with him, so I put that on the back burner and always put him first.

    My issue is, his mother and sister were so close to me while he was deployed. His mom even flew me from Charlotte, NC to see them in Pensacola, FL. At his homecoming, I made sure my mother allowed his entire family to be at our beach house (near Camp Lejeune, where he was stationed) for Thanksgiving and those few days off he had after deployment so that he would not feel the need to separate time between me and his family. That being said, things between me and his family have gotten progressively worse. Maybe it is me and my own anxiety, but I am at the point now that I cannot handle the pit in my stomach anymore. I have made multiple attempts to reach out to his mother and his sister, as they have come and stayed with us at our house once a month for the past 6 months (one that she payed for since his shrink said it would be best he stayed out of the barracks and with me, a reliable support system... I moved from my 2 jobs in charlotte to have a minimum wage job near camp lejeune just to be with him) and have not gotten a positive response. His sister even hugged me and said we could start over when I asked her why things were weird now between me and her (she used to be my best friend), yet she continued to look at me like I am a piece of doo-doo. While she ate all the food I bought and messed up the house to where I had to come home from 12 hour shifts and clean every night. We have now moved apart, I am back at my parents house and he is back with his family in Pensacola. I have even written a letter to his mother explaining that I wanted our relationship to be better and for things to go back to normal. She has not even let me know she received the letter, I found out from my boyfriend that she finally received it a week ago. His brother is about to have a child with his fiancee, they have known eachother much less time than my boyfriend and I have. My boyfriend's mother seems to think this girl is a saint now, even though my boyfriend and I have been through much, much more. I feel there is nothing else I can do to try and rekindle our relationship, as since my boyfriend has come home, I am no longer "needed" by his family. She does not call me to talk, and ignores me every time I try to contact her. Bottom point, I feel very used by his family... that they used me while he was deployed to feel closer to him. I would not care so much if I did not love him from the bottom of my heart and we were planning on getting married soon... what can I do from here? I am going to visit him next week, and I want things between me and his family to be ok for him as he does suffer from PTSD and I do not want to put him in the middle of this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for this long post, I felt the background was necessary.
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
    danik's Avatar
    danik is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm confused about the family issue though. His sister said you could start over from what? I don't make the connection where the falling out was.

    “It always seems impossible until it's done.”
    ― Nelson Mandela

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