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Thread: How do you deal with the nightmares?

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    mraynee88's Avatar
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    #1

    How do you deal with the nightmares?

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    DH had his first "over there" nightmare the night before last. I didn't ask what it was about, when he woke up he just said, "Baby I had a nightmare about explosions and firefights I can't be in bed anymore." So we got up and made breakfast.

    He was kind of tense and irritable the rest of the day. We went to the grocery store and some lady grabbed a bag of Sun chips with the really loud biodegradable bag and he said really loud, "WTF WAS THAT?!" It freaked him out so bad . He said almost nothing until we were back in the car and then he was able to relax a little.

    My heart hurts for him and I don't know what to do when he has rough days like yesterday. I don't want to say the wrong thing, he's really sharing his feelings with me and being open but I don't know what to say. Last deployment he boxed everything up and we had a big mess to pick up after. Now, he's being honest and I know he needs me to be strong for him and support him... I just don't want to fail him.
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    #2
    Hmmm I've yet to deal with a post-deployment....maybe he can see his Doctor, maybe set up some counseling and some medication before the problem gets worse??
    "Time passes. Even when it seems impossible, even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."

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    I don't think he needs medication or anything yet, but I do think he needs to see someone to help him deal with everything. He's really stressed because there's a lot to do if he wants to take terminal leave before his EAS, so I know he'll try and push it to the back burner but maybe it's something I should push.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by mraynee88 View Post
    I don't think he needs medication or anything yet, but I do think he needs to see someone to help him deal with everything. He's really stressed because there's a lot to do if he wants to take terminal leave before his EAS, so I know he'll try and push it to the back burner but maybe it's something I should push.
    Ya I'm sure it's a tough situation because you obv don't want to push it too hard and upset him. I wish you luck
    "Time passes. Even when it seems impossible, even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."

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    #5
    DF started having nightmares the 3rd night after he got home and he would shake and jerk and stuff. I would have to hold him tight at night and whisper in his ear. You are at home, you are safe, I love you. And it seemed to help. But he has been home for over 5 months now and he still jumps if there is a loud noise. He won't sit with his back towards people when we go out to eat. And we went to dinner with some of his buddies and they were all pretty much fighting to have their back to the wall instead of towards the people. And sometimes he still wakes up in the middle of the night. Just tell him that you are there to listen to him and be supportive if he wants to talk about it. It was hard for DF to open up at first, but now it really helps him.


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    #6
    Just let him vent to you and let him know you're there for him to talk to. Sometimes just knowing they can talk to someone and let it out helps. If not, have him see one of the Dr's that specializes in that. IDK about the base you're near, but I know ours has classes that are 1-3 hours long that are specifically for how to deal with SO's post-deployment.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by chrissyh33 View Post
    DF started having nightmares the 3rd night after he got home and he would shake and jerk and stuff. I would have to hold him tight at night and whisper in his ear. You are at home, you are safe, I love you. And it seemed to help...
    this works for me too
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    #8
    DH has been back for almost 2 years now and still has nightmares/sleepwalking episodes sometimes. He rarely wakes up from them and doesn't like to be touched when he's reacting/dreaming, so I just talk to him, tell him it's okay, he's safe at home. Fireworks, gunshots (we live in a big city, so we sometimes hear them) and cars backfiring all make him jump when he's awake. I just tell him it's alright, just some fireworks, nothing to worry about.
    He's been getting better as time goes by.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by mraynee88 View Post
    DH had his first "over there" nightmare the night before last. I didn't ask what it was about, when he woke up he just said, "Baby I had a nightmare about explosions and firefights I can't be in bed anymore." So we got up and made breakfast.

    He was kind of tense and irritable the rest of the day. We went to the grocery store and some lady grabbed a bag of Sun chips with the really loud biodegradable bag and he said really loud, "WTF WAS THAT?!" It freaked him out so bad . He said almost nothing until we were back in the car and then he was able to relax a little.

    My heart hurts for him and I don't know what to do when he has rough days like yesterday. I don't want to say the wrong thing, he's really sharing his feelings with me and being open but I don't know what to say. Last deployment he boxed everything up and we had a big mess to pick up after. Now, he's being honest and I know he needs me to be strong for him and support him... I just don't want to fail him.
    We are going through pretty much the same things If you want you can PM me. Right now I'm just taking it a day at a time since DH just got home last week...not sure what else to do yet.
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    #10
    It is so hard, ladies. I am getting chills and sort of teary eyed reading this, 'cos I remember how hard it is, and now I'm just anticipating this homecoming and praying it's not bad.
    The whispering, "You are home, you are safe, I love you," thing works for lots of people, myself included. As far as talking to him goes, you will not fail him. As long as you're supportive, you tell him you'll listen no matter what, and he can see that you are genuine-you can't be failing him. If he's being open about it, that's a huge step in the right direction. I'm proud of him for that. I'm proud of you for dealing.

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