sex

[blue jean baby]

so, DB has been home for just about a month now. things have been, of course, wonderful. it almost feels like he never left

i guess our relationship has been very unconventional to say the least. we met RIGHT before he left. we only spent 5 days together in person. during those 5 days he was always all over me...i practically had to beg him to stay off of me, lol. we never had sex, because i wasn't ready for that. but he asked for it a few times. we did have oral sex though. all of the physical stuff was very nice and i loved it.

so, since he's been home...

any kind of physical contact has been difficult. the first night he was home, he ended up going to get something to eat instead of coming to bed with me. not that i was looking to have sex, but i wanted to fall asleep with him in my arms...FINALLY...after 8 months. it upset me, we talked about it. all was good in the hood.

but then when we finally decided to have sex...my goodness. i've had to almost beg for it.
i was told by a friend on here, that i needed to be patient and that it was normal for things to be like this and i have tried to be understanding. but it's hard. while he was gone, i noticed there were times that i'd be talking about sex and he wouldn't respond at all. it bothered me a little bit. but he was in iraq for crying out loud. so i felt like i needed to just get over it, and i did.
there were also the times when he'd be totally into talking about sex and things he wanted to do together when he got home. it was always hot and heavy if you know what i mean.

well now he is home. he has had so many chances to have his way with me for hours...and he's barely taken those chances.

to make matters worse. he finishes the job fast. i'm understanding about it. i don't think he can really help it. but it still sucks, ya know?

so what is the point really???

i have to practically beg for any kind of foreplay, sex, etc. if and when he agrees, it never lasts long. he does the same thing every time. and i don't think we've "made love" it's been more just "****ing". we don't try out all the things we have talked about...we just seem to get the job done and that's it.

i hate complaining about this. i do. but i've kept this in for awhile. i wanted to post about this weeks ago, but i have been trying to be understanding and patient. but i am getting to the point where i am thinking, "is our sex life always going to be like this?".

i've only had sex with one other guy. we were pretty young when we dated 19-22. we had sex all the time. so, to go from that to this. it's a big change for me.

i love my DB. i am terribly attracted to him and i want to please him and make him happy. but i have been turned down so many times in the last month it is really starting to get to me. we have talked about this a lot too. A LOT. and it just doesn't seem to go anywhere. he doesn't seem to get it.

sorry to ramble so much and repeat myself. hopefully someone will follow my train of thought. any advice would be helpful.

maybe i just need to have a really serious talk with him? like say, "we need to talk...let's go somewhere private".

btw: he's living with his parents right now. long story, but that's where he's at. thing is though, their house is HUGE. and we have our own bedroom. it's not as secluded as it could be. but no one can hear us. he has said maybe that's part of the problem. but...this place is HUGE. his parents aren't prudes or anything like that. and they adore me, and him. they practically promote us having sex cuz they want grand babies from us, .

anyways. idk. i hate saying this but, sometimes it just seems like he's making excuses and is being lazy. i know that sounds awful. but it really feels that way at times.

like i said. before he left, he was all over me all the time. he begged me for sex. now he can get it anytime and he doesn't go for it. i've never had a problem getting a guy all hot and bothered. but with DB, it's been hard. it makes me feel insecure. and i am somewhat resenting him too. i mean, there have been times when i am on top of him kissing him and he just...stops. it crushes me every time. it's not just about getting my kicks, i want to please him too.

help?

[Amanda.]

it sounds like he may be having trouble transitioning back to life out of deployment. just give it time. try to do different things to surprise him.

[chrissyh33]

Sounds like you two need a romantic night in a hotel with a hottub!

[Amberlyn]

I agree with the romantic night away!!!

Even after being married for awhile (5+ years), post deployment sex is not like it is in the movies for us... ! While we are happy to be together again, its never "hot and heavy" like the emails.. the first time is all about him, and more for me just about being close to him... its kind of akward for me, after not seeing him for so long. After that it takes a couple weeks for us to find our "groove" again....

maybe start up with some hot and heavy emails/txts again, while he is at work? see if that makes him think a little...

[Veronica Lin]

DH was gone for 6 months with training and I can honestly say the sex is different now then it was when he left. We have been together for 4 years and having sex for 3 of those years. He has only been home a week so I think its just the whole adjusting thing.

[blue jean baby]

i'm gunna bring these ideas up to him. i just hope things change.

and that if things do, after a night in a hotel room, that when we get back to reality again...things stay just as good. ya know?

[louisa85]

Try to roll with it -- the first month for us was totally weird (even without sex), the second improved, and I'll let you know how #3 goes. Re-adjustment can be as "fun" as the actual deployment sometimes.

[bb1982]

I would just talk to him about it. Yes a hotel is a good idea, but is that just a temporary solution? You need to tell him how you're feeling!

[@bby]

Originally Posted by louisa85 Try to roll with it -- the first month for us was totally weird (even without sex), the second improved, and I'll let you know how #3 goes. Re-adjustment can be as "fun" as the actual deployment sometimes.

ok i know my situation is different from louisa's but the first month was awkward with sex the 2nd month went a little better but now we are on to the 3rd and we are doing much better. communicating and being honest. i let him know if he hurts my feelings or something is wrong because communication is truly the key to our relationship. i know this an old thread so i am hoping that things have improved since then. and you have my cell number text me or FB message me again sweetie i dont want you holding all of these things back and not speaking to anyone.

[blue jean baby]

Originally Posted by @bby ok i know my situation is different from louisa's but the first month was awkward with sex the 2nd month went a little better but now we are on to the 3rd and we are doing much better. communicating and being honest. i let him know if he hurts my feelings or something is wrong because communication is truly the key to our relationship. i know this an old thread so i am hoping that things have improved since then. and you have my cell number text me or FB message me again sweetie i dont want you holding all of these things back and not speaking to anyone.

aww abby, thank you so much for your support i'll have to update you

things are a better. my boy was just so tired at first. things are getting better.