sorry I didnt know where else to post this. - Post Deployment

Yessi · 10-02-2009, 05:16 PM

I have been reading a lot online lately about the army and infantry. Well I had NO clue that when you do infantry you get deployed soon after basic and AIT. I don't know if I can handle this. I mean it's hard enough for me not to see him for four months but a year?!? I feel like crying right now, it just seems to much to take in right now. I mean how long before he gets deployed? I just don't know how to handle any of this. I'm scared to death for my husband to leave for a year doing infantry, which I know is highly dangerous...and it just kills me. I don't know how everyone who has gone through a deployment handled it. I love him so much and I can't stand the thought of something happening to him..Will we still be stationed first before he even gets deployed?? I almost feel like how are we supposed to live our lives together as a married couple when he will be gone so much? And don't they have to leave a lot even if it is in states to train?? I'm just having one of those days where I can't stand the thought of knowing that my man is in the army, and even though I know he does it for his country and is very proud to be serving..STILL...idk..sorry I just need some advice..thanks

BJo · 10-02-2009, 05:27 PM

Yes, he will have to have a duty station before he is deployed but he could deploy any time after he gets there.

If you really don't think that you can handle it then perhaps you should think long and hard before you continue your relationship. It's better to take care of this sooner rather than later.

My DH is infantry and we have survived 3 deployments. It really is not impossible.

Yessi · 10-02-2009, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by BJo

Yes, he will have to have a duty station before he is deployed but he could deploy any time after he gets there.

If you really don't think that you can handle it then perhaps you should think long and hard before you continue your relationship. It's better to take care of this sooner rather than later.

My DH is infantry and we have survived 3 deployments. It really is not impossible.

I know that I do not want to end my relantionship with him, we got married for a reason. I'm just scared. I know that infantry is dangerous so it scares me to think of him fighting. Although I am very proud of him in every way. How did you deal with it if you don't mind me asking? I just need reassurance that everything will be okay when he gets deployed. I just don't want him to get hurt. I love him too much.

BJo · 10-02-2009, 05:59 PM

I don't know. It's just something I do and will continue to do as he is career. I think you are thinking of the worst case scenarios and that isn't healthy for you or for him.

Remember that he is more likely to be killed in a car crash stateside than he will be over there.

goldfish · 10-04-2009, 11:34 AM

To be honest with you, it is much harder thinking about it, than it really is doing it.
I felt the same exact way you did from before he joined, all through training, right up until the second he deployed. The next day I woke up, and I was doing it. Time passes, even though sometimes its not passing nearly fast enough. You can do it. You can go on with your life, and there will be times when you cry because you miss him, or because you're scared. Its inevitable. But soon it will be a month since he's left, then two months. And you'll be amazed at how fast its going.

The best thing is to take it one day at a time. Try not to think about tomorrow, just focus on getting through today and before you know it, it will be over.

candypants · 10-04-2009, 11:48 AM

As much as it sucks, it's a part of military life. The more you think about him deploying, the worse it's going to be. If you keep focusing on the negatives, you'll drive yourself insane. TALK to him about your fears before you go. Everytime DH brings up another deployment, we talk about it and lay everything out there. You'll find that time will fly by once he's gone, you just have to find ways to keep yourself busy. There's women on here who are on their 12th+ deployment-it's hard, but not impossible.

*ashley* · 10-06-2009, 08:57 AM

i can see you're freaking out, and i think the majority of us had that panic moment where we realize that it's not play time and it's not going to be a fairy tale. my db deployed after we were together for only about two months. was i completely scared? yes. did i fear i wouldn't be able to handle it? yes. but i never let him know that. as far as he knows, i've been in this from day one. and that's the truth. you just have to weigh out how much you love him and if you think that he is worth going through hell and back. as crappy as i have felt over the last fiveish months, i know that a lot of other people have it a lot worse. and even if i were one of those people, i would still stick with him through it. he will miss a lot of time with you, but the time together should make up for any amount of time you have to wait for him to come back.

you should also know that you are probably a lot stronger than you could ever imagine. i never thought i could really survive through this, but i told myself i wouldn't back down. and, here on the tail end, i am still surviving and we are still happy and closer than ever. you just have to resolve to do it, and then take it day by day. some days are harder than others. some months are harder than others. but when you think about how it will feel to be with him again, it shouldn't matter.

you can do it.

CourtneyR · 10-08-2009, 01:03 PM

My BF is active army and Im national guard so I know what its like from your point of view and I have an insight to what his point of view is. Deployments are hard. My BF is in Korea right now and i got a lil over 3 and half months til I see BF which will be a whole year. Its hard and you'll miss him every day but you gotta remember why you are together. All the thing you love about him and why he is doing what he is doing. He'll get stationed first and then will deploy from there but he wont know how long he'll have before he deploys til he gets there. It could be as short as 2 months to a year. It all depends on a lot of things. If he stays state side he'll probably leave the state for training quite a bit but all training is diffrent and if he chooses to go airborne or anything like that it'll up his chances of deployment. Once your past AIT though most training isnt much longer than a couple weeks at a time unless he changes MOS (his job) which he probably wont be able to do until his re-enlistment comes up. Just keep your head up! youd be amazed- armys first rule is truly "safety first". He'll be ok and he'll be trained to no end. My BF is an MP which is the next step from infantry so Im with you. Just stay positive.

lilygirl0415 · 10-10-2009, 01:40 PM

As far as out-of-town (but still in the US) training, yes, he probably will go through a few different ones. Some can be as short as long weekends, some can be longer (4+ weeks).

The important thing to remember (both while he's preparing for deployment, and then once he is deployed) is not to let your imagination run wild, and don't listen to or read every scrap of news that is out there because it will make you absolutely insane. Not knowing is one thing, but cooking up worst case scenarios in your head is quite another. Talk to him about your fears while he is still here... (but don't go overboard. you don't want him to leave thinking that you will be an absolute mess while he's gone.)

That said, it will be extremely difficult to just ignore the bad thoughts that sometimes creep into your head. You have to find something to distract you when this happens... read a book, watch tv, get online with the sisterhood at MSOS... just don't sit quietly with your thoughts... your imagination will psyche you out every time.

Good luck to you. And like everyone says... you are MUCH stronger than you ever thought you were... you'll see!

nana_bear15 · 10-14-2009, 12:14 AM

I think I haven't had the "freak" out because I was raised in the military. We aren't army, but my best friend in the world got through a 15 month deployment. I ask her all the time how she did it. I agree with the ladies it can be done you will be okay and once the deployment gets started it will be a lot easier than dreading it. I always joke with DH and say I have a year of dreading it and seven months of missing you, dreading it is worse. As far as the out of town training they are annoying more than anything. After the first few times it almost becomes routine. I know with Dh he is home for a few weeks gone for a few weeks but it was completely different last deployment last year. He wasn't gone nearly as much. But you just learn to cope and focus on the date he comes home not the date that it is. After the first few days they honestly fly by. I have nightmares about someone knocking at my door or getting a phone call. I can't watch any news when he is gone or any military family stuff. I cry up like crazy.

But I survived and you will too

Don't know about the deploying after training it is so unreliable just like most of the things in the military.

10-02-2009, 05:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
Yessi Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 12 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 8% Longevity: 2%	sorry I didnt know where else to post this. I have been reading a lot online lately about the army and infantry. Well I had NO clue that when you do infantry you get deployed soon after basic and AIT. I don't know if I can handle this. I mean it's hard enough for me not to see him for four months but a year?!? I feel like crying right now, it just seems to much to take in right now. I mean how long before he gets deployed? I just don't know how to handle any of this. I'm scared to death for my husband to leave for a year doing infantry, which I know is highly dangerous...and it just kills me. I don't know how everyone who has gone through a deployment handled it. I love him so much and I can't stand the thought of something happening to him..Will we still be stationed first before he even gets deployed?? I almost feel like how are we supposed to live our lives together as a married couple when he will be gone so much? And don't they have to leave a lot even if it is in states to train?? I'm just having one of those days where I can't stand the thought of knowing that my man is in the army, and even though I know he does it for his country and is very proud to be serving..STILL...idk..sorry I just need some advice..thanks

10-04-2009, 11:34 AM	#5 (permalink)
goldfish Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 3,635 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 89% Longevity: 27%	To be honest with you, it is much harder thinking about it, than it really is doing it. I felt the same exact way you did from before he joined, all through training, right up until the second he deployed. The next day I woke up, and I was doing it. Time passes, even though sometimes its not passing nearly fast enough. You can do it. You can go on with your life, and there will be times when you cry because you miss him, or because you're scared. Its inevitable. But soon it will be a month since he's left, then two months. And you'll be amazed at how fast its going. The best thing is to take it one day at a time. Try not to think about tomorrow, just focus on getting through today and before you know it, it will be over. __________________

10-04-2009, 11:48 AM	#6 (permalink)
candypants Baby, I'm bad news. Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Ft. Campbell Posts: 3,699 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 62% Longevity: 19%	As much as it sucks, it's a part of military life. The more you think about him deploying, the worse it's going to be. If you keep focusing on the negatives, you'll drive yourself insane. TALK to him about your fears before you go. Everytime DH brings up another deployment, we talk about it and lay everything out there. You'll find that time will fly by once he's gone, you just have to find ways to keep yourself busy. There's women on here who are on their 12th+ deployment-it's hard, but not impossible. __________________ "For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." -Audrey Hepburn Check out our pregnancy blog at: www.littlebabyleaders.blogspot.com

10-06-2009, 08:57 AM	#7 (permalink)
ashley hello, governor! Join Date: May 2009 Location: me: bowling green, ky; my heart: iraq Posts: 1,443 Classifieds: (1) Activity: 47% Longevity: 9%	i can see you're freaking out, and i think the majority of us had that panic moment where we realize that it's not play time and it's not going to be a fairy tale. my db deployed after we were together for only about two months. was i completely scared? yes. did i fear i wouldn't be able to handle it? yes. but i never let him know that. as far as he knows, i've been in this from day one. and that's the truth. you just have to weigh out how much you love him and if you think that he is worth going through hell and back. as crappy as i have felt over the last fiveish months, i know that a lot of other people have it a lot worse. and even if i were one of those people, i would still stick with him through it. he will miss a lot of time with you, but the time together should make up for any amount of time you have to wait for him to come back. you should also know that you are probably a lot stronger than you could ever imagine. i never thought i could really survive through this, but i told myself i wouldn't back down. and, here on the tail end, i am still surviving and we are still happy and closer than ever. you just have to resolve to do it, and then take it day by day. some days are harder than others. some months are harder than others. but when you think about how it will feel to be with him again, it shouldn't matter. you can do it. __________________ my wifeys: rei, kaylah, his_girl, redhead_navygf, lildixiemiss, blinkybear, sapphiremommy and lovemyjarhead

10-08-2009, 01:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
CourtneyR Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Andy-South Korea, Me- On my way to Ft Jackson Posts: 184 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 13%	My BF is active army and Im national guard so I know what its like from your point of view and I have an insight to what his point of view is. Deployments are hard. My BF is in Korea right now and i got a lil over 3 and half months til I see BF which will be a whole year. Its hard and you'll miss him every day but you gotta remember why you are together. All the thing you love about him and why he is doing what he is doing. He'll get stationed first and then will deploy from there but he wont know how long he'll have before he deploys til he gets there. It could be as short as 2 months to a year. It all depends on a lot of things. If he stays state side he'll probably leave the state for training quite a bit but all training is diffrent and if he chooses to go airborne or anything like that it'll up his chances of deployment. Once your past AIT though most training isnt much longer than a couple weeks at a time unless he changes MOS (his job) which he probably wont be able to do until his re-enlistment comes up. Just keep your head up! youd be amazed- armys first rule is truly "safety first". He'll be ok and he'll be trained to no end. My BF is an MP which is the next step from infantry so Im with you. Just stay positive. __________________ Wifey to Kalei Courtney

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10-02-2009, 05:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 12% Longevity: 39%	Yes, he will have to have a duty station before he is deployed but he could deploy any time after he gets there. If you really don't think that you can handle it then perhaps you should think long and hard before you continue your relationship. It's better to take care of this sooner rather than later. My DH is infantry and we have survived 3 deployments. It really is not impossible.

10-02-2009, 05:59 PM	#4 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 12% Longevity: 39%	I don't know. It's just something I do and will continue to do as he is career. I think you are thinking of the worst case scenarios and that isn't healthy for you or for him. Remember that he is more likely to be killed in a car crash stateside than he will be over there.

10-10-2009, 01:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
lilygirl0415 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Me Orlando, him Fayetteville Posts: 211 Blog Entries: 6 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 3% Longevity: 27%	As far as out-of-town (but still in the US) training, yes, he probably will go through a few different ones. Some can be as short as long weekends, some can be longer (4+ weeks). The important thing to remember (both while he's preparing for deployment, and then once he is deployed) is not to let your imagination run wild, and don't listen to or read every scrap of news that is out there because it will make you absolutely insane. Not knowing is one thing, but cooking up worst case scenarios in your head is quite another. Talk to him about your fears while he is still here... (but don't go overboard. you don't want him to leave thinking that you will be an absolute mess while he's gone.) That said, it will be extremely difficult to just ignore the bad thoughts that sometimes creep into your head. You have to find something to distract you when this happens... read a book, watch tv, get online with the sisterhood at MSOS... just don't sit quietly with your thoughts... your imagination will psyche you out every time. Good luck to you. And like everyone says... you are MUCH stronger than you ever thought you were... you'll see! __________________ Thank you SnarphBlat!! ENGAGED after Deployment #3! oh, yeah THAT.JUST.HAPPENED.

10-14-2009, 12:14 AM	#10 (permalink)
nana_bear15 What? I'm just a Sassy Southern Bell! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: back in baby's arms in Jacksonville, NC Posts: 2,339 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 30%	I think I haven't had the "freak" out because I was raised in the military. We aren't army, but my best friend in the world got through a 15 month deployment. I ask her all the time how she did it. I agree with the ladies it can be done you will be okay and once the deployment gets started it will be a lot easier than dreading it. I always joke with DH and say I have a year of dreading it and seven months of missing you, dreading it is worse. As far as the out of town training they are annoying more than anything. After the first few times it almost becomes routine. I know with Dh he is home for a few weeks gone for a few weeks but it was completely different last deployment last year. He wasn't gone nearly as much. But you just learn to cope and focus on the date he comes home not the date that it is. After the first few days they honestly fly by. I have nightmares about someone knocking at my door or getting a phone call. I can't watch any news when he is gone or any military family stuff. I cry up like crazy. But I survived and you will too Don't know about the deploying after training it is so unreliable just like most of the things in the military. __________________