normal to fight?? - Post Deployment

navygirl3736 · 05-27-2009, 10:48 AM

DB has been home for about 2 months now. However, those 2 months have been HECTIC and we find ourselves fighting all the time. In those 2 months his father passed away, DB was away at school for 3 weeks, he bought a house, and we were in NYC for fleet week but DB worked 4 of the 6 days so it was no fun. I don't know we just seem to fight all the time. We fight about all the small things but somehow they seem to get so big and important. I just seem to be worried all the time that he doesn't care about me as much as i do him, or love him more, or sacrifice more for him etc. I don't know if it that is normal thing after deployment or if it a true sign of more important problems. i love they guys so freaking much!!! i just want everything to be perfect like i imagine they would when he got back

J_Conk · 05-28-2009, 08:46 AM

Well db just got home from his deployment too and I don't know if it's normal, but we're having the SAME problem. We fight ALL the time about the most ridiculous things. It's really hard... Sometimes I don't even know what we're fighting about, he'll just be mad. A lot of times it's not even at me, it just gets directed at me and I have to remind him not to take things out on me, I'm just trying to help. It sucks a LOT. Just try to keep the communication as open as you can but don't force anything. That's what I'm doing and it seems like things are starting to look up for us.

louisa85 · 05-28-2009, 09:32 AM

I haven't done it, but many people say it is normal.

BJo · 05-28-2009, 10:44 AM

It's normal for a lot of people. Readjustment can be difficult for both parties.

SammaJamma · 05-28-2009, 12:42 PM

Dh and I fought alot when he came home in March..it has taken some time to readjust. He left a wife and a 4 day old child home and came back to a wife and a 12 month old child... it took some getting used to.

Rain. · 05-28-2009, 12:43 PM

We fought like crazy the first couple months DH was home. I stormed out of the house at like 3am once cause a fight over something so tiny got so heated. Its a hard adjustment on both parties. It will get better

HisCupcake · 05-29-2009, 08:30 AM

We fight a few weeks before and after deployment, its just our crappy way of adjusting. We know we dont mean it

Patience · 06-12-2009, 11:36 AM

One of the things that really gets to them is the pettiness of civilian concerns. My husband got back from Vietnam 43 years ago. He still gets annoyed if I worry about certain things. "Is anyone shooting? No. Then don't worry about it."
They live in a different world than we do. They have seen death and some of them have been death, and it changes their perspective.
On another note, I used to argue a lot with my husband and I thought it was him arguing with me. When I stopped replying by repeating my point of view (a correction from his point of view) our arguments stopped for the most part. A good phrase is "You may be right." I often add the words "on Mars" to myself... but it does stop the escalation and you haven't said he IS right, just that he might be. Guys like to be right. So do we.

LuvMySailor4ever · 06-12-2009, 11:56 PM

Well, we fight about 3 weeks before deployment and then the last deployment, we noticed that it was hard to readjust to life with him home again. It takes time....I agree to keep your communication with him open. It'll get better...

Hellfire · 07-16-2009, 03:52 PM

Eek! Now I'm worried about when DB comes home. We've been having enough arguments since he's been gone, so really not looking forward to the face-to-face ones. I'm lucky enough to have insight since I've been deployed myself. It's definitely strange adjusting back to the "real" world. It's like your life gets put on hold while everyone else back home is continuing on with their lives without you. Plus, while you're deployed you're pretty much doing your own thing so it's hard coming back and being part of the family again. Just try to give him a little leeway (even when you know he IS wrong) and try to avoid the petty arguments as much as possible. He'll come around in time.

05-27-2009, 10:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
navygirl3736 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Virginia Beach Posts: 359 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 3% Longevity: 28%	normal to fight?? DB has been home for about 2 months now. However, those 2 months have been HECTIC and we find ourselves fighting all the time. In those 2 months his father passed away, DB was away at school for 3 weeks, he bought a house, and we were in NYC for fleet week but DB worked 4 of the 6 days so it was no fun. I don't know we just seem to fight all the time. We fight about all the small things but somehow they seem to get so big and important. I just seem to be worried all the time that he doesn't care about me as much as i do him, or love him more, or sacrifice more for him etc. I don't know if it that is normal thing after deployment or if it a true sign of more important problems. i love they guys so freaking much!!! i just want everything to be perfect like i imagine they would when he got back

05-28-2009, 08:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
J_Conk He's finally home :) Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New York Posts: 1,005 Blog Entries: 17 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	Well db just got home from his deployment too and I don't know if it's normal, but we're having the SAME problem. We fight ALL the time about the most ridiculous things. It's really hard... Sometimes I don't even know what we're fighting about, he'll just be mad. A lot of times it's not even at me, it just gets directed at me and I have to remind him not to take things out on me, I'm just trying to help. It sucks a LOT. Just try to keep the communication as open as you can but don't force anything. That's what I'm doing and it seems like things are starting to look up for us. __________________ Religious Liberals - We exist He's Home!!!!

05-28-2009, 09:32 AM	#3 (permalink)
louisa85 Instigator Extraordinaire Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 7,153 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 47% Longevity: 14%	I haven't done it, but many people say it is normal. __________________ Keep on keeping on.

05-28-2009, 12:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
Rain. MilitarySOS Jewel Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 19,152 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 35% Longevity: 35%	We fought like crazy the first couple months DH was home. I stormed out of the house at like 3am once cause a fight over something so tiny got so heated. Its a hard adjustment on both parties. It will get better __________________

05-29-2009, 08:30 AM	#7 (permalink)
HisCupcake Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: New York Girl, just livin' in San Diego Posts: 2,468 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 17% Longevity: 17%	We fight a few weeks before and after deployment, its just our crappy way of adjusting. We know we dont mean it __________________ Wifey to MS234755

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05-28-2009, 10:44 AM	#4 (permalink)
BJo Account Closed Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Your mom Posts: 25,363 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 13% Longevity: 39%	It's normal for a lot of people. Readjustment can be difficult for both parties.

06-12-2009, 11:36 AM	#8 (permalink)
Patience Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 27 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 4% Longevity: 7%	One of the things that really gets to them is the pettiness of civilian concerns. My husband got back from Vietnam 43 years ago. He still gets annoyed if I worry about certain things. "Is anyone shooting? No. Then don't worry about it." They live in a different world than we do. They have seen death and some of them have been death, and it changes their perspective. On another note, I used to argue a lot with my husband and I thought it was him arguing with me. When I stopped replying by repeating my point of view (a correction from his point of view) our arguments stopped for the most part. A good phrase is "You may be right." I often add the words "on Mars" to myself... but it does stop the escalation and you haven't said he IS right, just that he might be. Guys like to be right. So do we.

06-12-2009, 11:56 PM	#9 (permalink)
LuvMySailor4ever ~MARIE~ Join Date: May 2009 Location: Me: NAS Lemoore DH: Back on the Ship & Heading Home Posts: 1,699 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 4% Longevity: 8%	Well, we fight about 3 weeks before deployment and then the last deployment, we noticed that it was hard to readjust to life with him home again. It takes time....I agree to keep your communication with him open. It'll get better... __________________ NO MORE TICKER! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS HOME FOR GOOD

07-16-2009, 03:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
Hellfire Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Me: Eglin AFB, Him: A-Stan Posts: 13 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 6%	Eek! Now I'm worried about when DB comes home. We've been having enough arguments since he's been gone, so really not looking forward to the face-to-face ones. I'm lucky enough to have insight since I've been deployed myself. It's definitely strange adjusting back to the "real" world. It's like your life gets put on hold while everyone else back home is continuing on with their lives without you. Plus, while you're deployed you're pretty much doing your own thing so it's hard coming back and being part of the family again. Just try to give him a little leeway (even when you know he IS wrong) and try to avoid the petty arguments as much as possible. He'll come around in time.