He's making me be independant

[amanda72787]

Well DH got back beginning of Febraury. I met him for the first time at homecoming after talking to him for 7 months while he was in Iraq, then we got married 8 days later. I knew from talking to him how much I loved him and the way he thinks. Don't get me wrong I still love this guy to death I'm just having a hard time. I came from living with my parents to CO to try something new and get out, and hated it. I hate being alone. I have no family or that in Co just myself and now DH (and some friends). I hate being alone, which is why it's hard for me to imagine going through another deployment next year. But I'm trying to figure out what is going on through DH's head because he will not baby me what so ever. There are times when I get so whiny about this whole subject but he just never sympathsises with me, and it hurts. I tried talking to him about it last night but he just denies it and says he's not one who shows emotions. But... he was always SO good about showing emotion while he was in Iraq... does anyone else have this issue? I'm scared because I'm afraid down the road this could ruin our marriage... I'm just a little nervous and don't know what else to say to him to make him see it like I do.

[LittleRed]

Originally Posted by amanda72787 Well DH got back beginning of Febraury. I met him for the first time at homecoming after talking to him for 7 months while he was in Iraq, then we got married 8 days later. I knew from talking to him how much I loved him and the way he thinks. Don't get me wrong I still love this guy to death I'm just having a hard time. I came from living with my parents to CO to try something new and get out, and hated it. I hate being alone. I have no family or that in Co just myself and now DH (and some friends). I hate being alone, which is why it's hard for me to imagine going through another deployment next year. But I'm trying to figure out what is going on through DH's head because he will not baby me what so ever. There are times when I get so whiny about this whole subject but he just never sympathsises with me, and it hurts. I tried talking to him about it last night but he just denies it and says he's not one who shows emotions. But... he was always SO good about showing emotion while he was in Iraq... does anyone else have this issue? I'm scared because I'm afraid down the road this could ruin our marriage... I'm just a little nervous and don't know what else to say to him to make him see it like I do.

Men are often different when they're deployed, and when they first come home. It could be that he was emotional because he was in a combat zone and wanted to make sure someone loved him if anything were to happen. Now that he's back home he's back to his usual self.

[*MarineBug*]

Well, I think its very easy for people to be one way on the internet and a different way in person. Honestly there may not be a way to show him the way you are feeling because he just isn't that kind of person.

Good Luck.

[miamoa2002]

Originally Posted by amanda72787 Well DH got back beginning of Febraury. I met him for the first time at homecoming after talking to him for 7 months while he was in Iraq, then we got married 8 days later. I knew from talking to him how much I loved him and the way he thinks. Don't get me wrong I still love this guy to death I'm just having a hard time. I came from living with my parents to CO to try something new and get out, and hated it. I hate being alone. I have no family or that in Co just myself and now DH (and some friends). I hate being alone, which is why it's hard for me to imagine going through another deployment next year. But I'm trying to figure out what is going on through DH's head because he will not baby me what so ever. There are times when I get so whiny about this whole subject but he just never sympathsises with me, and it hurts. I tried talking to him about it last night but he just denies it and says he's not one who shows emotions. But... he was always SO good about showing emotion while he was in Iraq... does anyone else have this issue? I'm scared because I'm afraid down the road this could ruin our marriage... I'm just a little nervous and don't know what else to say to him to make him see it like I do.

I myself met my husband online but maybe you moved a bit too quickly . It is not the same online as in person. There is no right or wrong here, you just see things differently. Are you working? Why I am asking is because if you get out, create your own life there too, get friends etc. you dont feel you have to depend so much on your husband?
Helene

[BJo]

No, I don't get whiny about deployments. It's his job and I accept that. The last thing DH would want to hear is me *****ing and moaning about a deployment that is still in the far off future.

[miamoa2002]

Originally Posted by BrittanyJo No, I don't get whiny about deployments. It's his job and I accept that. The last thing DH would want to hear is me *****ing and moaning about a deployment that is still in the far off future.

That is what we have girlfriends for, if we need to whine
My husband might deploy later this year but I am not even ging to think about it until maybe 2 months before, when we need to plan things, and I will try and keep my whining to BJ

[*Cassie*]

Originally Posted by BrittanyJo No, I don't get whiny about deployments. It's his job and I accept that. The last thing DH would want to hear is me *****ing and moaning about a deployment that is still in the far off future.

same here. I don't get whiney about the FTX's that happen every month. i actually try to enjoy that time to myself and play with the kids. I like being alone sometimes. It's realxing and I get to watch what I want on TV. It's something he HAS to do so there's no point in whining about it. It just is.

[BJo]

Originally Posted by *Cassie* same here. I don't get whiney about the FTX's that happen every month. i actually try to enjoy that time to myself and play with the kids. I like being alone sometimes. It's realxing and I get to watch what I want on TV. It's something he HAS to do so there's no point in whining about it. It just is.

Exactly! Use the extra time for good rather than wallowing in misery and depression!

[Zoe]

It all sounds like its all happened really quickly and you sound like you guys are still getting to know each other - its gonna take time and you guys have the hard task of getting to know each other and deal with the BS that the army throws at you consistantly.

yes the army is sometimes really hard to get used to some girls are great at adjusting to army life, others like us find it difficult!!!

dont be too hard on yourself - keep the lines of communication open and keep talking to the husband.

i do hope things get easier!

[mrs.s]

Originally Posted by miamoa2002 I myself met my husband online but maybe you moved a bit too quickly . It is not the same online as in person. There is no right or wrong here, you just see things differently. Are you working? Why I am asking is because if you get out, create your own life there too, get friends etc. you dont feel you have to depend so much on your husband? Helene

I completely agree. Another poster said this earlier too, but he is probably going to be a little less emotional for a while. It's more of a survival trait than anything against you. It takes time to adjust to being back home. I also agree with BrittanyJo, to tell your husband about how you feel is one thing,(b/c communication is good), but being whiny and pissy is another. You are learning lesson number #326,978: which is: Have your own. Find a hobby or a job. You will find that having an outlet and other things to do makes the time go by faster and easier. And you will also be a better spouse to your husband. Honey, military relationships are all about long periods of separation, and relearning each other all over again, and this is something that you will have to adjust to. In the meantime you are still very much a newlywed, and as another person pointed out people can be very different online and during deployment, then in person. Right now you are still in the process of learning your man, and it takes some time. In the meantime, start getting involved. Find your local FRG, (Family readiness group, you can find yours by contacting military one source, their number is: 1-800-342-9647). These groups are filled with women who are going through the same thing as you and are probably looking for friends as well. It gets lonely sometimes and it's always good to have a shoulder to lean on, especially someone who can completely understand your situation.