Feel like I'm dying inside from him being distant....

[xbgirl]

Hi Everyone! I'm very new to this site, and I'm sure there is a lot of useful information that I am still working on finding here but I can't even seem to focus anymore. I'm hoping you can help....

About a month ago, my DB had started to distance himself from his family, and only talked/texted me. He would not answer their calls, texts or anything. NOW, for about the past 2 weeks he has done the same to me, just at a slower pace. Tonight it will be 2 days since I have heard a peep. His sister and I have gotten really close, and she has told me that this is a good thing, that he's never done this before to his past gf's before. I still cannot see her logic, but I trust her....he's done this to them before I guess. I KNOW it's not over another woman, that one I am not worried about.

He's 4 months Post Deployment now. He was injured 2 weeks before coming home so he's at Bragg healing. He will need one more surgery then he has to start his healing/training all over again and will be redeploying again within a year (he just found out this week). He's not upset about deploying, he's one that WANTS to go! As much as I wish he didn't have to go, I support him 100%! This is the life HE decided and I fully accept it.....I just need to learn about these things that come up and how to deal with them and help him along the way when ever he needs me!

I am sure he's got a lot on his mind. Within this past week he had texted me saying that he needs to think about things for a little bit, that it's not about us and of course he wants to be with me. He's been BURNED BAD by his prior gf's. I thought that I was hurt before, but man those girls seemed to have found a new low I never thought possible. I know there are some trust factors involved. He is and has said he's afraid I will do those same things to him. His sister has ALWAYS seen the "red flags" with those girls, but now with me, she likes me, and even brags about me to her family. I don't think I'm THAT special to be braggin about, I'm just a ordinary decent person who fell in love! She knows my DB very well as far as girlfriends go and how he is. She is guessing maybe he's scared because he's never had someone treat him so good before like I have. I don't feel I've done a heck of a lot, just been there for him, talk to him, send him things and such....stuff I think we ALL would do for our man!

To me, family is most important, and I consider him part of it. I place taking care of family above everything else (except God). I normally work full time, yet due to a injury at work and having to have neck surgery I'm down to 24 hours a week. I also go to school and have 3 kids at home when I am not working or in school. I'm just really worried about him. And now I've seemed to forget about me (which is usually at the bottom of the list), and have felt like I've become a wreck emotionally. Since my surgery, I haven't been able to sleep well, and now it's even worse. I have been forgetting to eat, staying up late or not going to bed at all trying to get things done because my lack of focus/concentration is for the birds! I've FINALLY maxed my longest period without sleep this week.....my longest is now 40 hours without sleep! I do work 3rd shift so I can swing my nights and days and get them all mixed up but I know deep down what this is all from....worrying myself silly about him!

I hear that this can be normal to an extent. I guess I just am needing to know how to get through this. I have friends, but they do nothing but make matters worse. They don't understand being with a military man and most of them think I'm crazy for ever doing this or wanting to be with him. The only one I have been able to have some kinda pick me up is from his sister. She IS a true blessing, believe me, but I just need to know that this is or isn't normal and if it is normal, I just am hoping to get tips or advice from all of you on how to handle this without stressing myself out even more.

I appreciate ANY feedback and Thank You in advance! I am sorry if this didn't flow well or make a heck of a lot of sense, but that's just how my thoughts/focus/concentration has been lately.....SO scatterbrained!

Thank you once again!
Kristie

[imasoldierslove]

well i would call him and tell him how you feel... that you support him love him and are there for him.. of course you respect him if needs time to think things over but you feel isolated and wish that he could find a way to communicate his issues to you so you could share the burden of what he may be feeling... if you cant call.. then i would write and tell him everything... hope it helps

[xbgirl]

Thank you! I have tried calling, texting him, telling him that I am there for him but he won't answer the phone or respond to my texts. Maybe I will try to write him. The kids and I sent him an Easter care package with cards and cookies and other little things he likes, so I hope that cheers him up, but I don't think he got it yet. I guess a day late is better then never!
I REALLY appreciate your response!
THANK YOU!!!!!

[imasoldierslove]

alot of men pull away when they face hardship bc they are afraid that if they show you that they are scared or feel insecure then you may take that as a sign of weakness and loose respect for them... you mentioned that he is recovering from injury, so may not be feeling like his usual self and maybe feeling defeated or just low morale... he may think that he is sparing you his pain or anger by not communicating... all you can do is try... but its gonna have to be up to him to come to you when he is ready... just keep sending him letters, cards, lil things from home letting him know he is missed, thought of and cherished... i know it sucks but all you can do is know you have done all you could and have a clear mind and hart.. the rest is up to him

[LinLeeSD]

Originally Posted by imasoldierslove alot of men pull away when they face hardship bc they are afraid that if they show you that they are scared or feel insecure then you may take that as a sign of weakness and loose respect for them... you mentioned that he is recovering from injury, so may not be feeling like his usual self and maybe feeling defeated or just low morale... he may think that he is sparing you his pain or anger by not communicating... all you can do is try... but its gonna have to be up to him to come to you when he is ready... just keep sending him letters, cards, lil things from home letting him know he is missed, thought of and cherished... i know it sucks but all you can do is know you have done all you could and have a clear mind and hart.. the rest is up to him

I agree with the above. But be careful with the bolded part. You want to make sure you're not pushing him to open up if he's not ready, or putting additional pressures on him. It sounds like there is a lot on his plate, so definitly be supportive, but find ways to help relieve his load and not add to it. I hope it all works out for you!