nervous about his behavior after homecoming

[eastcoaster]

so i need to know this is normal. because i am sure it is but i am afraid db is slipping away from me

so up until db came home from rnr our convos were great, lots of emails and talking and happy happy, phone sex the whole deal

well he came back and was a completely different person
he was always staring into space
he wouldnt kiss me in public
we barely had any sex, prob maybe 10 times over the entire rnr
he would tlel me how much fun he was having but sit around moping nad with a sad face

he said sorry and that the drs put him on anti depressants and he had no sex drive nad didint want to be around people

i know about ptsd and everything but the thing was sometimes he would smile and wanat to kiss me etfc. but only if we did everything he wanted to do every single second of the day.( i dont just mean to do stuff for him that he lieks, i mean doing stuff that even made me uncomfortable and feel bad <-- not like sexual but like he made me go to the gun shop with him and i hate guns and he made me hold a gun and then talked about me to the guy and what a liberal i was etc etc and they were laughing at me and i started crying and stuff...and a lot more stuff like that happened)

i seriosuly that he was trying to find reasons for me to break up with him so he didint have to

i cried almost everyday
and then he wrote me a letter when i was at the market one day
that bascially said "i hate to talk about my feelings, but i love you, and id do anything for you, but i feel liek crap,and im on these ****in meds that **** me up, and all i want to do is sleep and be alone, and i know im hurting you, but when u cry,..it just makes me think of those ****ers that torture me everyday and try to kill me but then cry when i ransack their house and i have no respect at all for them and it reminds me of that and i just want you to know im having a blast with u an i love you"

so i feel guilty and stuff that i was being mean to him about not being appreciative for being home

but here is the deal

what if this happens when he comes home and its worse?
i cant live my life knowing someone loves me because they
TELL me they do but they never SHOW me

[savannaleigh]

hmmm... his behavior worries me... especially if he's on anti-depressants and he's still feeling sad... could be a sign they aren't working

(but i'm not a doctor, so don't take my word for it)

to you
I hope everything turns out okay...
I'm sending your relationship

[eleven11]

I'm sorry things have been so tough for the both of you....I think he probably needs more help than you're going to be able to give him all by yourself. He needs to talk to the doctor who prescribed the medicine because it definitely doesn't sound like it's working, it can take many different attempts to find the right medicine and the right dose. I hope he's talking to a professional therapist too and not just taking the medication without also talking about it. I hope you guys are able to work things out.

[LoveDisappears]

Sometimes they can make you worse.. Maybe see about him getting on something different? Has he talked to someone, maybe to the Dr who gave him these?

[SWOsgirlSanDiego]

Wow, I'm really sorry. His behavior doesn't seem like he is adjusting at all. I would be concerned, but I don't really know how you should bring that up to him. He may be defensive about it, but since he is already on antidepressents, maybe he is open to talking to someone.

I am the most concerned about 1) him making you do things he knows make you uncomfortable 2) making you cry because he was making fun of you, but mostly
3) the part in the letter about how when you cry it reminds him of the people who try to torture him but then cry.

It really seems like he is not seperating the experiences he has had from his day to day living and that is a big red flag.

[amazinggrace]

I agree he should speak to the dr who prescribed teh anti-depresssents. You shoudlalso tell him, yes even with whatever issues that he is dealing with, that you will not be made to do things you do not want to nor will you be disrespected by him.

Tell him you think he should eb re-evaluated that maybe those med's just aren't for him, but another med might be.

Readjustment and PTSD take time, time to learn how to interact and time to get the right medical care. to you and him

[INDPNDNTwomn05]

Originally Posted by savannaleigh hmmm... his behavior worries me... especially if he's on anti-depressants and he's still feeling sad... could be a sign they aren't working (but i'm not a doctor, so don't take my word for it) to you I hope everything turns out okay... I'm sending your relationship

I worry all the time for when DB comes home in a few short months. He's not the warmest person to begin with, but I'm wishing you good luck keep supporting him and PM me if you need to talk

[eastcoaster]

thanks for the help
a lot of the problem had to do with the intimacy its like now he is back there and he is bak to telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me and wanting to like talk about sex all the time. im like "you were here u had your change, whats the deal"

i know it was overwhelming for him and we had a busy schedule on rnr and he had to meet a lot of new people

but you are right, he isnt seperating the experience from me
he said that again to me, when we were face to face, and i looked at him and i go "thats right, those guys are who you are defending me against though, and i am your girlfriend, standing here in a dress not a dishda, kissing you not trying to kill you, you have to seperate that"

things got a little better after that

i guess his dr wanted himt o stop the meds on r n r to see if he really needed him
so then its like he was sad, plus still feeling the side effects of the meds
it was really hard on me and i know it must be hard onh im

thanks for all the support i will keepo everyone updated.he is going to the dr again on sunday :/

[*his itty bitty*]

hope it all works out for you

[jana]

I hope he can get the help he needs.